[lenjan]

OMG, you guys.

I am having a horrible case of "cognitive dissonance." In case you aren't familiar with the term, the definition is:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
a psychological state that describes the uncomfortable feeling between what one holds to be true and what one knows to be true.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Briefly: My former pdoc -- someone I trusted with my life and who truly did wonderful things for me and ended up becoming a friend, not just a shrink -- was accused of impropriety by a female patient. Charges were filed 18 months ago, but it just went to trial Monday.

I have sent him notes here and there offering support, and thought about going to the trial (in my former home, 250 miles away), but was talked out of it by a number of people. That turns out to have been a good thing.

The first story about the trial is now online. I'm acquainted with the reporter. Aside from the fact that he hasn't written what would qualify as an actual story in a solid decade -- he's more of a "slice of life," feature-type guy -- he still knows how to construct a news story. I know WHY he had to give the details that he did. I just wish I hadn't seen them.

Regardless of the jury's verdict, this will be on the Internet forevermore. This guy's career has already been destroyed just by the allegations. To have stuff like this floating around out there....I'm just sick to my stomach, literally.

I know what's out there, and yet I know what *I* know of him, on a deeply personal level, for about a decade, and I can't reconcile the two, and it's making me ill. I am eating Ativan like candy and it's still not helping.

Please -- I don't usually make posts like this, but I really need some support right now.



Candy

[wisewoman]

Oh GEEZ Candy. I can only imagine where your head and heart are. I will offer something that I hope is helpful. I will change words, see if it fits or helps. Each child(patient) has a different parent(therapist/psychiatrist} so it is held that each child(patient) has a different experience growing up(in therapy/treatment). In addition they have their own lens with which they view their experiences so it is fair to say though they were sired and raised (treated and counseled) by the same parents(THERAPIST/PSYCHIATRIST) that their subjective experience can be and often is very different from their sibling(OTHAR PATIENT).

Do you get where I am going here? Though the female parent did xyz to me, she did not to the baby of the family therefore we have different histories. It is possible for your psychiatrist to be innocent. It is also possible for him to have been a good friend and one time psychiatrist for you, and whatever this woman is saying as well. If he is innocent I share your sadness but you can't know, may never know. Hold on to what you know for you in your own heart to be true. You are a very intelligent woman. You know these things in your head. I hope my words can help your heart find some peace. Good luck old friend.

[curley]

Candybear, You can know this is true and believe it is a fact. My best thoughts are with you.

[bebop]

(((candy))))

[sabby]

((((((((((((( candybear )))))))))))))

I can only imagine how you are feeling right now. I'm sorry this is happening. You are in my thoughts and prayers hon.


sabby

[Perna]

Good thoughts. I hope it settles down for you (and him) quickly.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Candy ))))))))))))))

[BlueFaith]

(((( Candy )))) My sweet ducky buddy... I'm so sorry this is happening. Prayers and good thoughts coming your way.

[SeptemberMorn]

I can't beat what WW said. Hold on to YOUR truth about what this man means to you and don't read what hurts you.

We're all different things to different people, Candy.

[lenjan]

The jury went out about 45 minutes ago. No idea how long it will take or how it will turn out. Still hopelessly sick to my stomach.

I can't deal with this.

[katheryn]

((((((((((((((((candybear)))))))))))))))))))

Prayers and good thoughts coming your way

[Rio_]

((((candybear)))) Sorry you're hurting.

[splitimage]

(((Candybear))))

Sorry that you're hurting. I'd hold onto your good memories of him and how he helped you, whatever he may or may not have done after that doesn't change your experience with him.

splitimage

[CedarS]

Oh man! Oh I so feel for you.

So cool that you are asking for support and I hope you keep doing so. Also hope you use every kind of healthy comfort that works for you.

I'm imagining holding an umbrella for you to help keep you safe from the storm.

[I_WMD]

.. Split says it for me . Candy ,,, And Wise is No doubt thinking on same lines ,,, Oh Hell ,,,,, I have always hated the illusions of life .

Somethings never make sense !! <<<<<<,.

[lenjan]

Judge sent the jury home for the night. That means ANOTHER day of this tomorrow.

I am a complete wreck as it is. I can't cope with this to begin with, and it keeps dragging on, and I keep getting sicker and sicker, emotionally and physically. I don't know what I expect you guys to do about it, but I don't have anybody in town IRL to talk to about it, and I can't just keep sucking down Ativan.

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{Candy}}}}}}} my dear friend. Waiting is hell and it certainly isn't helping your emotional frame of mind right now. You need to find that inner core that knows this doctor and have faith in him. I know what you are saying about it being splashed all over the internet, etc. Unfortunately, people are always interested in the bad things in life, even when they aren't always true. Go with your gut, have faith in him when others don't and remember the confidence and trust that was there when you saw him.

Please try not to keep taking all that Ativan. Meds will not help during this time. Just remember that inner core and have the courage to believe in him like you did before. He needs all the strength he can get to get him through this ordeal.

I'm worried about you. Please stay strong.

Mary Alice

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((( Candy ))))))))))))))))))))

I've had this happen to me twice in my life, hon, and I soooooo know what you're going through...almost an intimate struggle with reality as you know it, dancing on the edge of Heaven and Hell.

You know what your eyes and ears are telling you, both so conflicting with your personal experience of someone cared so much for.

You hang *tight* to your experience of this person, because it's your's and no one or nothing can take that away from you.

Please remember this...

This can muddy your overall knowledge of this person, but it can NOT muddy what you hold personally near with this person as your own. It cannot alter what you own. What you have is YOURS. You remember that and hang onto that. This person is the same to you that he always was, and whatever may have on some other relationship plane, your relationship plane with him is separate and apart, and in that...unchanging.

This threatens to shatter your reality in understanding of who this person is, and I know that. That might happen...to that specific part of your knowledge *about* him. However, your personal and intimate experience *of* him is unchanged and secure. That's where you stand, friend.

Even if, again if, this is true he still remains to you what he was. Know that, stand on that, and rest there, honey.

Please take it easy on the ativan and rest on what *you personally* know as it's the only thing that can truly affect you and touch your life personally.

I'm here and don't hesitate to PM.

KD

[wisewoman]

Candy, You need to stop looking NOW. No more looking at the press, turn it off and stop. If you can just picture the peace you felt with him and STOP. You have to get control no matter what the outcome no matter what the public truth becomes you have a personal truth. Get hold of the personal truth and STAY there. Go to sleep with your truth and don't do media right now. Yeah, I know you are a writer but... Please hold on.

[LMo]

Oh Candy, I'm so sorry you're suffering like this... you've received some excellent reassurances here. I hope you get through the night ok and that the jury delivers a fair verdict early tomorrow morning so that you don't have to be in suspense any longer than necessary.

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((candy))))))))))))))))))))))))
No one can take away the great relationship the two of you had.

BB

[nightbird]

((((CandyBear))))

You still have everything you always had with this Dr.
His help and responsible concern for you has been carved on your precious heart and intact soul.

Keep your heart above ground...above the litter of these current events.

As a poet once wrote..."live in the layers, not on the litter"

I hope you are calmer today....be well.

peace and love,
nightbird