Confession Time

From a former foster child.......

I understand what you did and yes it seems like they are in a better position. But do NOT abandon them, do not stop seeing them, do not stop going to their events.

Going to foster care no matter how terrible it is at home is a trauma to the child. You can make it less so by staying in their lives.

I am not judging you, just trying to offer a perspective from a person who grew up in the system. In my case, my biological parents were abusive and lost all rights. In your case, you have the opportunity to still be in their lives.....DO NOT give that up....that would hurt them more then you ever know.

Please your kids need you...you are their Mom and will always be.

((((Rainbowzz))))

Hmmm....I just re-read my response and it came across kind of angry.

Please know, that was not my intent.

I think what I was trying to say is that your relationship as a Mom to your children can NEVER be replaced, not by any foster parents. You are in a lucky position that you were not abusive, so you have the right to continue being in their lives. For the kids, this is the best...they have a stable new home environment and their REAL MOM. Don't let the foster family just become their family. They really want you.

For example.....Sometimes even though my real mother was an extremely hurtful person whose rights were terminated, I still wanted my real mom. Even though I eventaully wound up in a good foster family. That never replaced her.

Kids always want their REAL mom....no foster parent can remove that. So, I was just trying to say...please keep in contact with them. Because they need you....and it sounds like you need them.

Hope I did not offend. Just a view from the other side.

((((((((((((((KJ)))))))))))))))))))

Hi Riptide

I didn't take offence at your post one little bit...i took it as somebody looking out for my kids when they don't even know them...thank you on behalf of my kids coz they'd think that rocks

i did say in my post tho that i have 2-3 times a week contact, go to all their events...i get to take them on daytrips, see them on their birthdays, take them on holiday with friends (coz i worry i wont cope alone, lost all confidence) etc etc....so i AM in their lives and they KNOW how much i love them.

But Thank You for your response coz you did hit on an issue my social worker struggled with at first....i was scared keeping contact would screw up their heads more and i didn't want to do that to them...so at one point i voiced that maybe i should just disappear. thankfully the social worker told me what you said...they NEED to know their mom cares and it would screw them up more to disappear from their lives thinking i was just too bad for them. i've never hurt them or abused them in any way but i've never wanted to be responsible for screwing up their heads either.

((((Riptide))))

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Kalamity_Jane said:

wow i can't believe how many people reponded to this and in such a positive way too! guess i'm the only one with a problem over this....guess i gotta learn to quit beating myself up so bad!

thank you for your responses everybody

((((Perna))))

((((freetobeme))))

((((SweetSunshine))))

((((silver_queen))))

((((Silversparrow))))

((((Fuzzy))))

((((gimmeice))))

((((Raynaadi))))

((((nothemama8))))

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What am I, chopped liver?

oh now i wanna run and hide

i didn't realize i'd missed anybody out

just for you SeptemberMorn...

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Kalamity_Jane said:

wow i can't believe how many people reponded to this and in such a positive way too! guess i'm the only one with a problem over this....guess i gotta learn to quit beating myself up so bad!

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((((Liberada))))

As you see, we still love you. We understand. Now forgive yourself.

thank you ((((doh2007))))

Uh, I must be dense or something but I'm failing to see the bad part of this. You did what you had to do for your kids and are still a part of their lives. More than my mom ever did for me (I was adopted at 6 months and have no idea who my birth mother is).

IMO, it takes a great deal more love to give your children up so they'll get what they need, then to keep them and be limited in what you can give. (if that makes sense)

Anyway, I don't hate you, or think any less of you. And I don't think anyone else here does either.

We all still you!

thank you for getting that it takes more to give them up for their own good, it's true. and thanx for your support, it means a lot.

((((tat2doc))))

NOW ARE YOU GOING TO STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP DORRIE
We meant everything that has been said in this thread,
DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO CALL YOU AGAIN,( you know I will )
Love
Angie
your older sister

awww Angie...you have NO idea how much that phone call meant to me.

and yes...i am all done beating myself up over this now...so many people did point out things i hadn't thought of before...

love ya lots,
dorrie

well it's off to bed soon, one of the girls had a birthday yesterday and I fixed dinner and a cake, and ya should see the fun I had using my walker to get the cake to the table

awwww....i hope it was a good birthday...and i hope you sleep well tonite

When my mom was a teen her mom gave her and her 6 sibling up for adoption because she realized she couldn't give them the life she wanted them to have. She is my hero because of that. You get put in the same category as her in my mind. It was your unselfishness that is helping these boys thrive.

Jbug

awww...that's such a sweet way to think of it all, thank you.

((((((((jbug))))))))

You did a good thing Kalamity Jane and I feel for you
Lily

thank you ((((((((Lily))))))))

AWWWW I'm sorry I made you feel bad! Honestly, I was just teasing.

LOL i know you were just teasing but i genuinely hate it when i miss somebody out by mistake...coz some peeps do then

((((SeptemberMorn))))

((((KJ)))) I am going to talk to you from the perspective of a child that was sent into group homes and foster homes as a kid because my parents couldn't raise me. I was a mentally unstable child. Lots of issues that any "normal" parent wouldn't be able to handle.
Anyways, I am really glad that my parents sent me into those types of places because I got the help I needed and when I turned 18 I went into the wide world on my own. I never doubted my parents love as I was visited often.
Please don't worry so much. I think you did just the right thing. Not only for you, but for your children, too. How could you possibly care for them properly unless you care for yourself first?
I admire what you did and think you are incredible.

BJ

thank you, it's good to have insight from someone with your background.

((((((((BJ))))))))