i feel alone and helpless

i haven't posted much here on this site, but i've read a lot and you guys seem so great. anyway, i suffer from emetophobia ( fear of vomiting) and the accompanying anxiety/panic etc.... it is awful. i do'nt like my pdoc and i odn't know what to do because i don't know how to find one that i do like and my insurance won't cover any mental health and i haven't been able to work really all year because this has been the worst year of my life for so many reasons. started in january when i acually vomited for the first time in my life. that was the worst day i have ever lived through. i wish i could go back and erase it.
just about all of my friends save for one have moved away in the last year and while i live with my boyfriend, i have no other emotional support locally and it is making me insane. i just don't know what to do. i don't trust the doctor because all he wants to do is make me take drugs that i am so scared to take because of the phobia... and other reasons.
ugh. what do i do? no one can fix me. i feel so hopeless

(((((((Rubylizard))))))

Sounds awful! I feel for you.

I was just wondering if you understand where this fear of vomiting is coming from. Do you know why it is so disturbing to you and how it happened? Gaining that understanding would be the place to start working on this, I think.

I'm sorry for all the losses you have suffered lately. I can certainly relate and I am also very isolated socially right now.

(((((hugs))))) if you want them

Angela

i think it is disturbing because of the lack of control and unpredictablity of it. since i am so inexperienced, i don't know what it really feels like if i am really going to get sick. there is a whole other forum online where emetophobes like myself go to chat, but i get tired of hearing what they say because it makes me worry about stuff i hadn't even thought of. that is why i am here now. a lot of them are really super young too...some are only 12 and they suffer so! it is so sad. i hate it.
not only did my friends move away, but my grandfather, my great aunt and my childhood pet cat died this year as well. this has truly been the worst year ever.

thanks for the hugs

I can understand being nervous about not being able to predict when you will throw up.

I have to wonder if this goes deeper than just the throwing up, though. Like I wonder if you have a history of anxiety and fear or something like that. What do you think?

i've always been anxious. i like control. i like stuff to be structured and predictable. i don't like to feel helpless or not know what is going to happen. but i just obess about being sick all the time. i am afraid to eat dinner now. i just read a thread on here about comfort food and it made me so sad because i wish food comforted me. it scares me and makes me life hell because i want to eat, but i rarely have an appetite and when i do i am scared to eat a lot because feeling full frightens me as well.

You really need to get some professional help for this. Is there any way at all that you can think of to be able to get in to see a therapist?

i said that i am seeing a therapist. i don't like him though. all he wants me to do is take drugs. i've been seeing people about this for 5 years and no one can help me it seems

Hello Rubylizard -- I am sorry that you have had so many losses. Tough year. It seems as if quite a few of us on the forums are feeling alone right now.

I certainly don't have any solutions. Sometimes, your county health services have low cost or sliding scale treatment. Look in the yellow pages under "counselors" and call a bunch to find out what you offer.

Changing to someone new is hard, bec. they have to take a new history. I stayed with a therapist I loved for years and years, because she was warm and nurturing and lovely to be with and I didn't want to go thru the intake sessions with a new therapist. I moved, and had to change, but the new one is more directive. Kind, and sensitive, but it isn't just a catharsis where I talk, she says, "There, there," and I leave. So if you don't like your current therapist, you owe it to yourself to investigate what else is out there. Esp, if you are paying the whole cost yourself.

Keep coming back Rubylizard. Good luck with this.

By "therapist" I meant a psychologist or counselor as opposed to a psychiatrist. Sorry I didn't make that clear. Psychiatrists are geared toward medicine while psychologists provide psychotherapeutic intervention.

I wish I had any better advice for you! Maybe someone in the anxiety forum would know better?

Oh, and by any chance, have you been diagnosed with Obessive Compulsive Disorder? That might be something to look into.