[Irine]

I try to work to do my class wokrs
And i start feeling so scared so vervous and than i get frustrated at because of those feeling. I start to cry. when something doesn`t turn out i bite my fingers and panic and freak out. And htin k ther eis no time left.

Last semester i had iot really bad the pressure and the fear and the panic and the anger and was desperate and thought i wasn`t going to make it.

But as i see things in a more realistic way i understand that i am exactly like all students and i was just being hard on myself

But now i got used to fear and to panic and freak out. I feel it especially if i decide i will do it and enjoy it i start feeling this physical feeling pf self hatred kicking in. Today i felt the physical pain i had afer being sexualy abused once....really pain dow there,

I don`t know what to do, since i need to do the works for sunday

Does anybody have a clue?
It`s really strange because if i escape the struggle and go do something else i feel how life becomes pointless. I HAVE to deal with it and i am scared and I feel like i have a trauma form studies

What would you say about me?

That i am over sensitinve? That i have sort of enxiety?

I was just unsure of where to post it..in enxiety forum or in Post traumatic stress disorder,,but in the end i know this is NON OF THEM. It may be the same direction ....

??

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((((( ladymacbethadmunsen ))))))))))))))))))))

[Doh2007]

I'm so sorry this is happening. Does your school have a counselor you could talk to?

[nowheretorun]

hi LadyM

as you know i follow some of your posts cause i feel close to the difficulties you have in some ways.. in school i was highly anxious and it was very hard to be in social groups at times the pressures were carried onto my work cause i felt the eyes of so many on me that i became nervous and wanted to go someplace safe where no one else was.. your descriptions often remind me of those days...

may i recommend some pre-class mediations? there are 100's of forms to choose from, all which teach relaxation and confidence techniques... the deep relaxation taught me to breathe properly in many suffocatingly frightening situations and over time ive learned to pace both my breathing and thoughts into a smoother synchronization... a clam state of mind is very helpful as you might imagine... just a suggestion...

also, here is a link to PC's many screening quizzes, you should find one there for anxiety if you wish to take it.. best to you always...

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/

oh... sweetie... this is so hard.... this "anxiety" - trying to put a "word" on it..

you know.. what a special person I think you are.. and I am so sorry for this difficult time...

when I started my career... I was anxious all of the time... I was a perfectionist...not because I wanted to be....

so after awhile.. I started dealing by saying.. I will always do the best that I can... that took a great deal of pressure off of me...because I know I am human.. and can make mistakes.. and things like that...

and when I raised my son.. I wanted to be the "perfect" mom too.. so by saying to myself.. "I will do the best that I can do"... again.. that took the pressure off of me....

I also started in my work... and especially with my son.. to concentrate on seeing something fun.. in what I was doing.. to find a "bit" a "piece" of fun.... so.. with really concentrating and over time - it took time.. I could find the fun.. and feel that instead of the pain...

(((hugs)))

[DePressMe]

ladymacabethadmunsen, I can relate to the fear and anxiety that leads to self hatred. School was very difficult for me...but you are right, other students have some of the same feelings. I was abused too...the pain from that has gotten better with therapy and time. Do you have a therapist or counselor? Hang in there....

[darkpurplesecrets]

(((((ladymacbethadmunson)))))

I know the anxiety and fear you speak of. I went back to school and was so afraid that I would make a mistake. I would try to calm my self but nothing ever worked. I could see others in the class struggling over the same things but it did not matter because for some reason I had to be perfect.

I too was abused and I think that some of our thoughts and patterns come from that. Our self hatred started there and just grew because no one knew and we had no where to put it except hold it inside. I am sorry and I hope you are seeing a T that can help you through this. Thinking of you.

darkpurplesecrets

[Irine]

Thnak you all for your advices!

Hey nowhereturn! great to sea you my friend! Do you ever go to chat room? it will be cool to see you there...freewill too



I do have a T i sued to go to her she was wounderful. But now i study and live in a different plce so i don`t know.

I will tell you something! I didn`t realize..
I feel in a way that i don`t LIVE graphic design. I LIKE it. I always try to put all my anergies into it and i understand that design concepts that need to be original but grasped shortly aren`t my greatest inspiration

Graphic design never was or will ever be my dream. When i came here i didn`t know what it is. I am way better at phylosophy psychology and history, etc.

I will not leave studies. 3rd year. I will work in this field in order to support myself. But that is all. I knew it in the back of my mind but was not really aware of it! awarness is iimportant.

I know that now i am particualry angry. I know i need to achieve *my dreams*. my real dreams. That I love.

Today i got the inspiration form a korn song and played some simmilar chords on the piano...I need to do my design works faster and more professioanl. There is not much passion in design. There is just a way to do it right. M y soul is not there.

I was forcing myself to "be a designer" which i am not. I will do waht i can like you say, freewill

Thank you all

hugs