Feeling Betrayed

So my family physically forced me into the hospital on monday afternoon. They slapped a 72 hour hold on me but i got out a day early. My question is this tho. How am i supposed to get over the anger i feel at them? Or am i supposed to? I feel betrayed and have told them never to contact me again. It feels wrong but im terribly pissed i cant trust even my own sister of all people. Have any of you been forced by loved ones like this and felt similarly? Did you get over it in time? Or is the anger still there?

Shaymus, my dear sweet friend. It is awful to feel powerless and that is what you are describing. In order to hospitalize you you had to have been a risk to self or others. Your sister loves you and is trying to help. If I thought you were going to kill yourself or someone else I would have initiated a 72 hour hold too. In fact i have a brother with schitzophrenia and I can't tell you how many knock down broken bones (of the rescue , police etc) he has caused. My point is he hated us and resented us but when he was stable understood he was unsafe and needed to be in the hospital. Shaymus, I know how much you love your sister. Closing the door to her will only hurt you more. Open the door and be honest with her about how you are feeling and how confusing this all is. She loves you. She wanted to help you. I went through the same thing many years ago with non-family forcing a hold. I would have killed myself. The irony is that it was into an institution like you see in Alfred Hitchcock movies and it scared the hell out of me so I never told anyone I wanted to die again. You are in a tough spot, you are adjusting meds, you are vulnerable. You need serious, constant support. Let your family in, they want to help. It was not cruel. I am your friend, you are mine, remember i am Wise after all. Please let me know how you are.

Yes, Shay. Your family were doing what they thought best for you. No doubt they were worried and scared for you. They care or they wouldn't have gone to the trouble.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Shay}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Shaymus, you cannot imagine what a difficult decision it is to hospitalize someone you love. I had to do it last summer and I was scared to death -- so worried about my fiance and terrified that if I DIDN'T do it, he would kill himself. I loved him so much that I was willing to take a chance that he would be upset with me, if it meant saving his life.

I know that your sister felt she had no other way to help you. Believe me, it is NOT easy to just sit around and watch someone deteriorate and suffer due to depression.

Here is the thing tho. She came over monday and we discussed what i did(took a few too many ativan) and i kept telling her it wasnt an attempt it was just me wanting a high. If it was a real attempt i would have taken alot of other stuff as well. I didnt even consider it would be dangerous(which was foolish admittedly). I told her to leave my house and eventually she did. She then went to the most controlling person either of us have ever met(my dad) and told him to hospitalize me. To go to him of all people is like stabbing me in the heart. It hurt a lot and when it happened i truly wished i had. Its not so much that she made the mistake and mistook my actions,,its who she went to. Ahh heck its also cause she mistook it Thanks for the replies so far as they are making me think and realize maybe her actions wernt controlling or evil.

oh honey, I am sorry. I understand the dad thing. I am glad you are safe. You seem to have an issue with your meds and wanting to see how it feels to be high and I wonder if you should bite the bullet and get them dispensed daily? No risk that way. Just a suggestion. By the way, I have done that too. Instead of one pill in a.m. and one in p.m., both in p.m. All I am doing is shooting myself in the foot though. Be well Shaymus.

Shaymus! Jeepers, we were wondering where you disappeared to! I can't but reiterate what others have said. She did it because she loves you and was worried. And she probably went to your father because she knew he'd force the issue. She cares. And he, in his way, probably does too.....tho you may not quite be in the mood to hear about him..... :-)

I'm just glad you are safe, and getting such good advice from such wonderful friends. Aren't they lovely people? Did you get some decent meals in the big house? Get any sleep? Interesting roommate? Always an experience. So glad you are safe and in your own bed again. BIG HUGS sweetpea.

Old Aunt Emmy

Shaymus:

Everyone is right. I'm sure your sister just thought she was doing what was best for you. I am having to consider getting power to admit my mother to hospital when she is a danger to others or the self. My brother also was hospitalized against his will (he's schizophrenic) but in the end, he understood we did it because we loved him and his behavior was risky at best. Your behavior was very risky, even though not an attempt and I'm sure your sister felt nothing but love and absolute fear of losing you when she went to your dad.

(((((HUGS)))))))) I sympathize with you..I really do.

Take care.
Kimberly.

Yeah i think maybe reading this that maybe in a week or two i might talk to her and ask some questions. At this point tho id be irritable at best with her which probably wouldnt be a great place to start from.

I do seem to have issues with meds huh? I dunno why i thought it would be fun to take 30mgs but when i woke up like 30 hours later i was in a huge fog and i dont even remember half the stuff i did. It obviously was dangerous and not smart. At the hospital they changed my meds up and im tapering off the lexapro and starting the effexor and building it up. I think i went two days at 37.5 mgs and now am supposed to take 75mgs for the next 7 days and then 150mg. So the tinfoil lining to all this is i got my meds changed something i was feeling very frustrated with. Heres another question tho. If all these meds are SSRIs how come some will work better than others? I mean if i have a headache and i take tylenol and it doesnt go away i dont go buy advil thinking that will work.

It definately was an experience emily let me tell ya. I had a roommate who was as tall as me which was nice. He snored like a buzz saw tho but i had earplugs and slept fine. I might be the only human on earth who thinks this but i actually liked the hospital food lol. Im a lil nervous about seeing my t on the 25th tho as the session right before all this happened he had me sign one of those papers saying i wouldnt try to harm myself. I feel a lecture coming my way. And yes i really do feel lucky to have all the people here to ask questions to. In my head i was feeling very betrayed and to me it seemed like she was using love as an excuse to take away my freedom. But maybe she really was just very concerned. Ill have to think this thru Thanks again.

The more you talk, the more convinced I am that your sister did the right thing. JEEEEZ!

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I do seem to have issues with meds huh? I dunno why i thought it would be fun to take 30mgs but when i woke up like 30 hours later i was in a huge fog and i dont even remember half the stuff i did. It obviously was dangerous and not smart.

I feel a lecture coming my way.

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30 mg of lorazepam is sufficient to put you into a coma. You weren't asleep. You were comatose.

Do you think a lecture will help?

I applaud your sister's courage.

Lar

Shaymus hon, you have to behave better with your meds just to save us all a lecture from Lar!!!

(Please!! Anything but that!!!!)

Seriously.....he is wise on the meds stuff, so if he gives you grief...you need to hear it! Stay safe sweetie! And keep posting please.

Emsky

hmmmmmmmm

I was told i was snoring pretty loud. People in comas snore?

I called my sister and apologized for my nice friendly email i sent her when i was angry and we talked. It made me feel good and i think i made her feel better which in turn made me feel better too. Haha its not in my nature to forgive people but you all seemed to make decent points so at first i just pretended to forgive but now i actually feel it too.

Emily i think Larry just posted to add his wisdom but to also kind of prove he was right in the other thread when he said he saw a crash coming. Since im in the forgiving mood he was right and i was wrong

Yes, when I was 14 my mother put me in a place and I was very angry at her for a long time. Then came the day when my own daughter at the same age needed help for her own safety and I found my self in her shoes. It changed my understanding for sure.

Towards the end of the intoxication, you'd be asleep....it's not like there's a clear line between them. Yes, comatose people snore.

I am grateful that you accepted my comments graciously. Somehow, you have to accept that your behaviour is a big problem. If it takes your dad and your sister to intervene, then that's what it takes.

If you'll accept a little advice, keep your hands off the steering wheel for the time being. Let your therapist and your doctors guide your care. After poisoning your brain like that, your own thinking is not going to crisp and clear.

Oh, and Em, I know my rhetoric is strong, but you have not hardly had a taste of me in lecture mode.

Lar

Oh Oh guess we should watch out huh?

Sounds like you betrayed yourself, never play Doctor with your meds, something bad always happens.
Angie

Sound advice Angie! I agree.

((hugs)) all around.

Kimberly.

Shaymus,

You should be glad that it was your family that placed you into the hospital. I have been in your position so many times in the past that I lost count & ended up at times on more than a 72 hr hold. Mostly, it was my psychiatrist that ended up calling the paramedics. That is the worst way to go because you end up with the sherrifs (law enforcement), fire men, paramedics, & ambulance all at your door at once, with no way to escape. If you refuse to go, then the law can arrest you & take you in against your wish. Then comes the hand cuffs, etc.....really not a plesant situation.

Your sister was really thinking of your best interest no matter what it seemed at the time. I realize that anytime you have your freedom taken away, it is threatening, but the embarasment of going the other way out weighs the irritation of having a family that cares that much about you.

My Dr. got to the point where he would only give me a few meds at a time, which was also a nuisance even though I knew I brought it on myself.

I'm glad you are realizing that your sister & even your dad love you enough to care about you. Love them back because it takes a special kind of love to help you like they did, otherwise they would have just let you go.

Please think before experimenting in the future. It took me years to get there & it wasn't experimenting that I did. I have since recovered from that cycle (which is what it can become if you are not careful).

My thoughts are with you,
Debbie K

Shaymus, I'm glad you're out and okay, BUT it really scares me that you took such a big dose of your med. You were skating on thin ice, there, friend. I'm also really glad that you talked to your sister later. I had to put my mother-in-law in for 72 hours one time and believe me, it is no fun for the person who has to do the duty. Your dad may be controlling, and I have no doubt that he is, but he loves you and it was his strength that got you out of your own way...xoxoxo fayedy

Shaymus,
I am thinking of you and hope that things start to even out soon. I am sorry that you are not feeling all that well, but just take this incident as proof of how much your family must love you. I would rather have that then be at the brink and have everyone turn their back on me (and it happened). Hopefully in time things between you are your family can get straightened out and understood.

Stay strong and we are here,
Jessica

..me too shay.. thinking good thoughts for you

Im doing better slowly but surely. I am talking with my sister and told her i loved her and with my parents im sure it will come. No worries about me but thank you.

Oh....that just really made me smile hon. I'm so glad you told your sis that. Thanks so much for sharing.

emmy