[discordia]

Hi, I'm new. I don't know where to post this because I don't know what's wrong with me.
I might need help. I'm deeply unhappy. I feel like I'm in a state of almost constant inner turmoil. I feel worthless. I feel let down, I feel left out from life. I feel like no one cares or sympathises with me. I have no identity. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I want. I just want away. I want to be gone.

[sabby]

Hi discordia Welcome to PC!

We can't diagnose you, but I think if you take some time to read the forums you may find others who feel some of the same things you are feeling. There are many different reasons why you may be feeling what you are feeling. Sometimes it's like putting together a jigsaw puzzle to figure out what, why, when, where and how.

Have you been in therapy at all? I think that's a good place to be when there are questions that can't be answered without some help and outside insight. (outside insight??? ) Sorry, I didn't mean to make light of your situation....just my wording is not always correct.

I went through a time myself when I was feeling many of the things you mention. At that point, I began to realize that I had to take the bull by the horns and start looking into why I was feeling that way and what could I do to change it, to change me, to begin feeling like I had purpose and gifts to give others as well as myself. I did go into therapy when I was feeling really depressed about certain things. It has helped me a lot to figure things out.

I hope you find the support and answers to some of your questions here at PC. We have a wonderful community of very caring and compassionate members, who have been down many roads and are willing to help others along their paths. Take your time as you read the forums and take in the information. I'm willing to bet that somewhere something will click with you

I hope you feel better soon. Take good care!


sabby

[Perna]

Hi, discordia, welcome to PsychCentral. Like Sabby says, I think you will find many of us have felt like you have. I hope you find some comfort and ideas in reading the boards and make some friends posting and in chat. Again like Sabby suggests, I'd look into getting a therapist if you don't already have one or visit your doctor and tell him how you're feeling.

[splitimage]

Hi Discordia,

Welcome to PsychCentral - I hope you'll find us a supportive place. I think all of us have felt lost and scared and sad at some time. Posting on the various boards here can be a great source of support.

I too have a therapist and have found therapy to be incredibly helpful. If you don't already have one, I'd urge you to talk to your doctor about how you are feeling as he / she may be able to refer you, or at least give you some starting points for getting IRL help.

It can take time, and a lot of hard work, but it is possible for things to get better.

--splitimage

[discordia]

anything i do or say is horrible

[sabby]

discordia......could you please explain a bit more so we have a better understanding of why you think anything you do or say is horrible? Folks would like to support you but we need to know what kind of support you need hon.

I understand that it can feel like anything you say or do isn't good enough at times. But I have a feeling that it's not really the case at all. I've never known anyone who doesn't have redeeming qualities or anyone who doesn't do something well in their lives.


sabby

[Rapunzel]

Discordia,

All I know of you so far is what you have posted here. But in those few sentences I can recognize a lot of cognitive distortions. If you look in the psychotherapy forum at the very top, there is a post about cognitive distortions and how they make things look terrible and awful and hopeless. But they are overgeneralizations and they discount the good things and make the world and you look much worse than reality. Surely if you really look at yourself you could find some good too. There must be something that you can do right and somebody who cares about you. I hope that you will give us the chance to get to know you.

And I know that this doesn't fix it. I can really relate to those feelings and to not knowing who you even are. That just means it's time to find out who you are and what you want to do with your life. Things won't always be this bad. Trust me, ok?

[discordia]

Hi, I'm really sorry I haven't replied. You seem like amazingly nice and caring people, but I've been wary of posting anything because ... well, because of what I wrote in my last post, and because someone on a different message board recently hurt my feelings very badly and I feel like I can't trust people in general.

I need to see a psychologist. I want to know what, if anything, is wrong with me. I've waited for 7 or 8 months for a national healthcare-funded one (I don't live in the US) and I can't afford a private alternative. I can't deal with this without help. I haven't even gotten any meds prescribed for me because I would have to see a psych of some kind first. I have very serious self-esteem issues and I often feel convinced that I'm an absolutely horrible person. I feel like I want to be punished to purify me of my faults, so I sometimes deliberately act out in a vicious way to provoke people into telling me off. I feel like I have serious faults in me that I have to face, and I constantly try to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm obsessed. People generally find me sweet and charming but I think and feel like I'm really a horrible person inside. I feel like I might be lying to myself. I sometimes feel disgusted with the thoughts or feelings that I have.

I feel like if I open up more here you will completely hate me. Or at least some people reading this might, and I can't deal with that happening.

I also think that sometimes I exaggerate my feelings and am overly dramatic about my problems.

Most of all I'm really, really confused.