[miwako]

No matter what I do, it ends up badly. I feel my compassion might be some big power trip lie, and I only do "good things" so I can feel like I deserve something, and that I'm essentially nothing but selfish. I don't mean to hurt people, but I DO, and that makes me bad.

I'm in real need of some spiritual guidance. I have no idea what to do with myself, besides jump off a bridge, which would only instill the irony further.

[Capp]

Originally Posted by miwako

No matter what I do, it ends up badly. I feel my compassion might be some big power trip lie, and I only do "good things" so I can feel like I deserve something, and that I'm essentially nothing but selfish. I don't mean to hurt people, but I DO, and that makes me bad.

I'm in real need of some spiritual guidance. I have no idea what to do with myself, besides jump off a bridge, which would only instill the irony further.

((miwako))
#1 You are not bad.
#2 You are not bad.

Perhaps you are searching for something in your life.
And believe the best way to get it is taking care of others instead of yourself.
It's not being selfish, jmo.
It sounds a bit lonely, though...

Cap

[multipixie9]

miwako,

i think you are confused and hurting inside. someone who is selfish doesn't bother to think about others at all. none of us can claim perfectly pure motives, but the fact that you question your own motives says you are neither a crazy saint or a perfect sinner.

i sorta think you are just someone like the rest of us who aspire to greatness and end up stubbing our toes more often than succeeding. don't be so hard on yourself! (people tell me this often, too)

susana mariah

[gimmeice]

Originally Posted by miwako

No matter what I do, it ends up badly. I feel my compassion might be some big power trip lie, and I only do "good things" so I can feel like I deserve something, and that I'm essentially nothing but selfish. I don't mean to hurt people, but I DO, and that makes me bad.

I'm in real need of some spiritual guidance. I have no idea what to do with myself, besides jump off a bridge, which would only instill the irony further.

Hello miwako, welcome to psych central. First of all I think you should understand that at some point or another we all hurt others, as long as this is not what you are meaning to do then you are not bad. It sounds like you are a good person who just makes blunders from time to time, I think you will find that many of us here are like that too.
Have a look around and post more whenever you feel comfortable, this place has changed my life for the better I hope that you have a similar effect on your life.
If you have any questions feel free to private message any community liaison or moderator, here is a link to a list of forum leaders.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showgroups.php

Originally Posted by miwako

No matter what I do, it ends up badly. I feel my compassion might be some big power trip lie, and I only do "good things" so I can feel like I deserve something, and that I'm essentially nothing but selfish. I don't mean to hurt people, but I DO, and that makes me bad.

I'm in real need of some spiritual guidance. I have no idea what to do with myself, besides jump off a bridge, which would only instill the irony further.

Hi Miwako,

I had a mother who made things I did look very confusing . I truggle with some of this well but I have never felt anything close to a saint quite he opposite actually,

when in doubt though theres a solution for doig good

its here in this small staement.



Just for today, I will exercise my soul in three
ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out.

this is part of a prayer I thinks its anonymous. LOL!

http://www.nhal-anon.org/Just4Today.html

any way ...

now how in the world did this color change to purple .. must have something to do with the link...LOL!

Im not in control truely. We are just vessels . our minds get i the way and sometimes the minds and opinions of others do that for us.

any way .. try doijg something an no one can know . That means you don't share in any form to any one not even a stranger you did this deed.

that will remove any selfishness I thinkk .. ah well darn , it kinda makes me giggle inside so its difficult to not reep some beni.

have a great day

Patricia

My husband believes he is a 'bad person' that he hurts everyone around him that he fails them constantly etc....

When the truth is he is a loving caring father and husband, his perception is way off base ! And no matter how much I tell him the truth when he is feeling down up his insecurities pop to attack him. This makes his thoughts no less real just wrong.

Perhaps you see things the way he does when in fact you are a kind caring person so much so that you worry about it and type a thread on here which to me says I am right and you are a caring person.

[KathyM]

Originally Posted by miwako

I don't mean to hurt people, but I DO

May I ask....how and why these people are hurt?

[lost-soul]

Originally Posted by KathyM

May I ask....how and why these people are hurt?

hi miwako we have the same problem that i was thinking that i am hurting other people by not talking to them...i mean i dont know maybe i am retire already in talking...i dont know i found out that i have hard times dealing with people...i mean they are good and sometimes i feel bad knowing that i am hurting them and i am losing a wonderful people like them...i dont know either how to deal with this problem..i just wanna go out there and stay away from them so i cant hurt them because the more i hurt them the more i hate myself and i feel so stupid...thanks for sharing your experience...i thought i just the one who feels that way...
we are not bad...its just we are real and confused to our feelings...

[miwako]

Originally Posted by lost-soul

hi miwako we have the same problem that i was thinking that i am hurting other people by not talking to them...i mean i dont know maybe i am retire already in talking...i dont know i found out that i have hard times dealing with people...i mean they are good and sometimes i feel bad knowing that i am hurting them and i am losing a wonderful people like them...i dont know either how to deal with this problem..i just wanna go out there and stay away from them so i cant hurt them because the more i hurt them the more i hate myself and i feel so stupid...thanks for sharing your experience...i thought i just the one who feels that way...
we are not bad...its just we are real and confused to our feelings...

I think we do too. I'm scared to talk to people because I feel like what I say is going to be wrong or hurtful or something. Maybe it's the lack of practice that makes it all so hard to deal with. Thank you!

[miwako]

Originally Posted by KathyM

May I ask....how and why these people are hurt?

I avoid people to start with, because I'm scared that I'll do something below 100% effective. And I usually do, which tears me apart. The only time I stood up for something in a while was when I tried to get my friend to talk to me and her other friends more. She ended up opening up after we talked about some issues, but then when I told one of the friends she was ignoring, he got really angry. He started blaming things on me and telling me all I was doing was redirecting animosity. I don't know why either. And he's one of my best friends. I don't know if I'll talk to him for a while.

[miwako]

Thank you so much, everyone! This really helped. I guess I am just a normal person who makes blunders. I hope that I can find a way to stop worrying and letting it take over my life.

[Junerain]

Wow, re-directing animosity? Is that a good or bad thing? The nature goes for animosity sounds like re-directing it is a good thing. Not sure what direction and/or placement of it goes...it has to go somewhere..

Perhaps we are turning a page, a slow page, and eliminating animosity..The President releasing prisoners at Guatanamo Bay, limiting lobbyists, limiting high salary White House wages, promoting 'less secrets' to be kept within our government, but, most of all, fighting the long standing issue of prejudice. I hope and pray being the President is not a loenly thing for him, as past Presidents informed him.

It all ties together...Martin Luther King once had a dream, we at PC have a dream too, less prejudice towards mental illness..this I believe is a bit farther off in the future..

It is amazing how many different issues are all related, the good from this Presidency well I hope it spills over a bit.......

[KathyM]

Miwako - I think I'd be afraid to speak with anyone too if I placed such pressure on myself to be 100% effective. We are ALL a work in progress - FAR from perfect. If I were you, I wouldn't head for the hills just yet. Keep on trying because we are social creatures at heart - connecting with each other is a big aspect of the joy in life.

Junerain - I agree. I never cared much for the word "tolerate" when it comes to human relations. It's not enough. I tolerate a cold, but I'm thankful when it's gone. It shouldn't be that way with people. Rather than tolerate, it would be nice if we could accept each other for who and where we are in life, warts and all. It would be nice if we could view our labels as mere nametags instead of a reason to fear, hate, or discriminate against each other.

[lost-soul]

Originally Posted by miwako

I think we do too. I'm scared to talk to people because I feel like what I say is going to be wrong or hurtful or something. Maybe it's the lack of practice that makes it all so hard to deal with. Thank you!

yeah your right but we are afraid to deal with them so how can we practice???i'm dying inside now...i really want to have friends, but there are no friends...i'm totally lonely and alone...