[GreyGoose]

Yes, it's me again and it will probably be "me" later on as I continue to struggle with the beast that is trying to keep my head submerged below the murky depths. It's funny, yesterday, I tried to comfort someone here who was concerned that they were posting too much and that everyone was getting tired of them and now here I am feeling the same way. What can I say?. I guess even an animal will "cry out" when it needs help so why should I (or anyone else) be any different?.

Ok so a bat flew over my head the other day, I came home, discovered a paper cut, obscessed over this for awhile, went to the ER, found the thing I most likely cut myself on was a piece of glass (see my other post), etc. You've all heard the story I'm sure.

Well, when I got home from the Uro the other day I felt a little under the weather and I do have some pretty severe sinus problems and this is cold/flu season and...wait...or could this be the dreaded rabies virus I'm feeling as it ravages my body?. What if...what if there was dried saliva on the bat's wings (from where it licked itself) and as it flew over, some flakes of that dried saliva somehow landed on me?. How would I ever know?. How can I ever be sure?. Maybe it's too late now and I'm going to die. Huh?...what's that sensation?. Why am I so nervous?. Come to think of it my eyes are a little blurry and my head feels spacy. Rabies effects the nervous system so maybe it's already got me. Maybe I've reached the point of no return. "Yes but are you salivating more than usual"?. Well, come to think of it...

I have been sleeping in very late since even before this "bat" incident and now sometimes I sleep in until noon or even 1:00. I first awake at about 8:00 or 9:00, open one eye and think "bat...rabies...anxiety...fear...depression..." and then turn over and go back to sleep. What's the point, you know?. Then the "sensations" hit me as I finally awake. These sensations are all ones that are well known to anxiety sufferers. Funny, when I compared the symptoms of rabies and those of Panic/GAD they were almost identical and both effect the nervous system. Like I said, how would you know?.

I just took my temp and it was 98.8 (pretty normal) but I've been sitting around here just ticking down the days I have left to live. Can you honestly imagine what that's like to sit around thinking you are going to die?.

[kimmydawn]

greygoose, i do feel for you and your position. i really think you should see a therapist and possibly and psychiatrist for meds. i think it would make all the difference in your world?

are you opposed to therapy and/or p'docs? we've never really discussed this, but i think they BOTH would benefit you greatly. i had to eventually seek out help when my anxiety became to much for me to deal with on my own.

please consider this.

kd

i have to agree with kimmy...PLEASE get some help.....you don't have to live like this..i know.....i've been there.......medication gave me a new life...a whole new beautiful world......i think you told me you were taking something sporadically......please consider getting some more help with the meds......it took me quite awhile to find the right one but it was soooooo worth it.....i care about you.......peace julia

[GreyGoose]

butterflylady747 - What are you taking that is working so good for you?.

I have never been to a pdoc or therapist (well, not in ages) because the last time I saw one it was in a psych hospital and the doors automatically locked behind me. This Psych was asking me all these weird questions like he was trying to trick me so he would have a reason to commit me there and bill medicaid. At one point, I messed up on one of the questions and I said "well, it looks like I'm going to be commited now" and then I said under my breath " Nah, you guys could'nt do that anyway" and he practically jumped out of his chair and said "oh yes we can if we want to!!". The remainder of the time I was scared to death and felt like at any second the men in white uniforms would be fitting me for a straightjacket. I was very scared!.

Them to make matters even worse, my friend lost his keys down the toilet and we had to call a locksmith which cost a small fortune. Then a cop starts harrassing us about loitering (well duh!..we were STRANDED...hello???").

Anyway, the clinic I go to looks at me as a ditz and because I'm on medicaid, it would be easy for some hospital to find an excuse to put me away and make a nice income off of me as if I was a head of cattle or something. Happens all the time (I know - long story).

Well, if you described the things to a pdoc or tdoc that you have described to us here, I got a thousand bucks that says you won't get committed. I'd bet my arse that a doc would say that you are suffering from anxiety/panic and give you a med that will help you to not feel this way. It's just my 2 cents, but I'd start with a pdoc and see what med he thinks is right and also see if he thinks you should seek therapy. I hope that you will. Take care.

[GreyGoose]

I've been suffering with anxiety/panic for years (about 12) and done the whole SSRI/Benzo scene so I doubt there's anything that I hav'nt already tried that is going to suddenly produce miraculous changes.

I know that sounds harsh/defeatist/ungreatful (or whatever) but anxiety, depression, hypo, OCD, etc is not anything new to me and runs deep in my family. I'm just being honest.

I just took a few swigs of NyQuil because sometimes that helps. I also checked the pollen count because I have acute sinusitis and chronic rhinitis (which runs on my mother's side of the family) and it was as high as I've ever seen it before. In fact, my state (FL) had a big, red bullseye over it meaning that the pollen count is just wicked here right now. Some people claim (myself included) that when thier allergies act up, thier anxiety goes up as well...true?. I don't know but I would'nt rule it out.

- Regards (and thank's for the replies)