Psilocybin

I can't find any of these programs last 2 years. It was recommended to me because nothing has worked last 40 years.

Sorry, I don't know any in your area, but I want to share that I have been using psilocybin. This started several years ago after I had tried everything else, and it worked for me. It truly changed my life, which I once thought would never happen.
I hope you can explore it and see if it helps you as well.

Where did you have it done?
What exactly changed for you after using it? More insight into your problems? Cary Grant had LSD treatment for his depression and took it 50 times.
I've used cannabis and gave me a different perspective but didn't help how horrible I feel.
I've taken every drug and 38 shock treatments and they almost killed me. ECT 1992 destroyed me and couldn't get out of bed for 2 years and ended up in a traumatic halfway house. Dr last year almost killed me several times and I complained now I'm banned from all practices in MD & DE!
I've had enough of this circus and wanted out asap!
I need strength to end everything. Between my horrible symptoms, fluctuations and incompetency and abuse I've experienced in healthcare system last 35 years I've had it!

I don't know if I'm allowed to say this on this site, but it doesn't feel harmful to me and I don't know of any ways this is legally done (I'm in NH though and it's more legal for a motorcyclist not wearing a helmet get hit by someone in a car not wearing a seatbelt and no parties have car insurance than smoke weed to go to sleep without a medical card) so I've developed a lack of respect for laws that don't help anyone, and I believe in harm reduction, and I'm gonna go for it.

You can get psilocybin mushrooms on the street or a cow field (consult your local shroomologist as many mushrooms look identical but grow in different places, so what may look like mushroom x in a forest in NH will actually be mushroom y in a field in Ohio). It's illegal federally and you have to find your own trusted person to talk to when you take it, and you won't have someone monitoring the dose do not take a big dose, but a pinch sprinkled on a piece of toast with peanut butter is generally all you need. Do MICROdose with basically whoever you'd say "this person is my ideal therapist" if you're insisting on doing it. Obviously if you come across a legal way to do it, that's probably better, but if you're banned everywhere around you, I'm thinking you're gonna have to travel, and I'm thinking you probably won't find someone you trust so quickly. Where you do it and who you do it with make a huge difference. You want to feel safe and confident.

Not recommended if you have a history or current symptoms of psychosis.

I can tell you I've consumed psilocybin twice, and it was a weird experience. Neither were microdoses, but it's not like I took so much I was tripping balls either. Once I was on top of a mountain at midnight with my girlfriend and we just kinda talked and watched the stars and appreciated nature and being alone together. The other I had a bad trip and wanted to hurt someone who hurt me in the past--but it's usually the worst trips we learn most from. I gathered I actually have a lot of resentment thinking about people who have harmed me in the past that I had to acknowledge in order to let go of. I also learned when I let myself feel anger, I feel like a monster so I bottle it up until I rage--enforcing the idea that anger is bad and I'm a monster (which, emotions are neither good nor bad, it's what we do with them that is also neither good nor bad, but more accurately helpful or harmful).

A Dr at Wilmington DE Hospital suggested it in 2022 and I emailed Sheppard Pratt in Baltimore and they said they had no studies.
I was at SP 5 times and it was one of the worst hospitals I've been to since 1990.
I wouldn't buy mushrooms on the street, I don't know what I'm doing.
You've had quite experiences!
I used to buy weed in NYC - they deliver right to your door. But I built a tolerance to it and can't get high.
And I grew 6 crops in my house 5 years ago and it was loads of fun! I took a huge risk doing that- bought all sorts of lights and picked out seeds from seed Bank in England and lined the room with reflective materials.

Yeah, definitely don't try to get them off the street if you don't know what you're doing then. I haven't gotten any shrooms in 10 or so years, but when I did my girlfriend and I had a guy for weed and we just asked him. I don't know the scene around Maryland, but I know around here you can't get anything off the street without risking fentanyl or xylazine (knew a guy who dipped joints in formaldehyde too for some reason) which none of that you want to mess with if you care about a single thing. I'm not thinking shrooms would be as risky as trying to get any kind of pills, but depending on who you go to, it could be (personally, I wouldn't it risk it from people I don't know well).

I probably wouldn't even do a study unless it was "bring some friends to the park and have this toast," which I don't envision studies being like that.

What does psilocybin do to you mentally? How does it help your mood? Does it alter your brain chemistry? Or give you better insight into your psyche? I've tried being positive last 45 years and it never helped me feel better. I have been in a horrible mood since I got very sick at 13. I started dissociating at 13 and became detached from myself and couldn't relate to myself or friends and family and didn't know what was happening to me. And been sick and dysfunctional since.
And I would never go back to a hospital because they have all abused me since 1990 when I was incapacitated.

What does psylocibin do..this is a difficult thing to explain. For me it isn’t about what it does do as much as what it forces me to not do.
In higher doses it changes my inner dialogue, into a novel one, with no or few remnants of past narratives no matter how entrenched.
I feel like I am seeing and thinking things for the first time, often there is a sense of esoteric understanding, sometimes wonderful physical sensations.
But sometimes it’s work, sometimes the old mind wins and works against the mushroom and then it’s not enjoyable, it can be quite uncomfortable, but I find even that work is fruitful. Being forced to deal with discomfort, there is learning in that too.
I do not recommend or not recommend it.

After a trip and after a good rest, I feel like something has been achieved, though I can never really tell what that is. Maybe like i was able to put a few pieces together in a giant jigsaw puzzle but it’s still too early to know what the picture on the puzzle is.

This is my non scientific assessment of what psylocibin does to my psyche

It's been a really long time since I've taken any, but from what I remember it just allowed me to break outside my "tradition of thought." I was extremely petulant and cynical (now it just comes in waves), but after those two experiences I chilled out and focused more on being in the moment. I know my bad trip I had a higher dose than the first one on the mountain, and my visual perception went off. I looked at my bed and at who I was with and thought of someone who hurt me in the past and for the rest of the time I felt the psilocybin I wanted to hurt them and couldn't focus on anything else. Afterwards I realized I actually did have at least a bit of a trauma history even if I just called it something really bad that happened. The first time I did it I hiked a mountain in the middle of the night on a clear night and it was probably the first time I felt comfortable enjoying something I normally appreciate on my own with somebody else. The sky looked so beautiful. I felt so close to my girlfriend. Things felt okay for once.

It does alter your brain chemistry. It's kind of the definition of a psychoactive substance. I don't know if it permanently does or can even guess because of course I've been on a lot of other recreational and prescription substances between then and now, and even before. I can tell you today I still have a lot of problems with dissociation (the black-out kind), but what helps with that is keeping active, staying away from substances (I had issues with opioids, weed, alcohol, benzos, and meth in the past and stopping those, mostly anyways I had benzos a few weeks ago and alcohol last December, has made things harder emotionally but easier behaviorally**) and periodically asking myself what I am doing and what I have done so far today.

**I know we're talking about psilocybin which is a narcotic that can get you in trouble, but I personally consider a responsibly planned microdose of psilocybin or a couple hits of marijuana not laced with anything acting as medicine if you know you're not prone to adverse reactions to be on a whole different level than a 6 day meth binge.

It's good advice to stay away from little brown mushrooms in the wild, unless you are certain of the identity. Amanita toxin is found in Galerina marginata and it is deadly.
Why not grow your own psilocybin mushrooms. Sure it is illegal in many states, but the police chief in one Minnesota city has advised his force not to prosecute those
seeking to help themselves by growing mushrooms. The ingredients are legally available on the internet. How to videos are on youtube. You need some mycelium and a
growing medium, typically ground coconut husk. If you like growing tomatoes,
you'll love growing mushrooms. I thermostatically controlled the heat in an unused bathroom and. put a few tubs of mycilium infused medium in there. I ventilated and
misted the tubs and in two weeks they were full of golden teacher magic mushrooms 6" tall with 3" tops. I dehydrated the tops and stems and made tea for microdosing.
Then I increased my mycilium by placing it in a mason jar with purified water and a low percentage of corn syrup. I also made auger in petri dishes and propagated mycilium
with that method. It was a lot of fun and educational too.