Originally Posted by DizzyBritches

I just found this thread. I have been an overeater all my life but before being hit by a car 16 years ago I was active enough so it balanced out. Now I weigh 90 pounds more than I should. I am discouraged because chronic pain has made exercising frustrating. But I just got nerve block injections for the first time and the pain is much less now. I thought I would be motivated but instead I'm scared. I am 61 and chronically depressed, dysthymic I guess.
If this is the wrong place to post it's okay to move or delete. Thanks.

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welcome.

i only lost one pound, but hey, at least now i've lost those 4 pounds i gained. am currently 282. i hope to be under 280 by next week or so. i can do it!

binging's been really bad this week.

yesterday was 1 of the worst days i have had in a while.

as embarrasing as it is (eating all that junkfood), i know it xcould have been worse.. fortunately i've a bigger jar of sweets which ive not hardly touched

but i wanna do better today.. yesterday was so bad

[CrazyLo]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i can't drink water. i've even tried the flavoured varieties and i just can't stand itt.

but it's great you're drinking a lot of it and keeping healthy

I used to hate water, too. Hated the "taste". Could only ever drink diet soda. But, if you force yourself to drink water, eventually you start to feel thirsty on a daily basis and water was start to sound good to you and will feel refreshing when you drink it. But the first step is to continue to force yourself to drink it.

[CrazyLo]

Last night I self-harmed because of my huge hatred of my fat body. I cried about it a lot, too. I miss being skinny.

[DizzyBritches]

Originally Posted by CrazyLo

Last night I self-harmed because of my huge hatred of my fat body. I cried about it a lot, too. I miss being skinny.

I'm sorry to hear that, CrazyLo. I know. I don't self-harm anymore, but it is demotivating to not feel good about your body. Today I am going to the supermarket with my husband. Hopefully I can make it all around the store without needing a bench. Lol, I have all the possible sitting places scoped out. My husband is recovering from heart surgery and between the two of us, we are like the walking wounded.

I don't like the taste of water either, but I will try to work in one glass a day starting NOW.

Hang in there, my dears.

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[DizzyBritches]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

welcome.

Thank you, ShyPoetGirl

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[CrazyLo]

Originally Posted by DizzyBritches

I'm sorry to hear that, CrazyLo. I know. I don't self-harm anymore, but it is demotivating to not feel good about your body. Today I am going to the supermarket with my husband. Hopefully I can make it all around the store without needing a bench. Lol, I have all the possible sitting places scoped out. My husband is recovering from heart surgery and between the two of us, we are like the walking wounded.

I don't like the taste of water either, but I will try to work in one glass a day starting NOW.

Hang in there, my dears.

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thank you

[KQiao]

I am a stress binger. The weird thing is that while I've had a lot of little stressors the past couple of weeks, I can't pinpoint any one thing going on that would justify yesterday. I just got a lower grade than I hoped for on an assignment (not low enough to justify self-harm on any level) and broke down. I bought a chicken tender meal box and a large side of cole slaw from KFC, then stopped at a BK to get two Whoppers while I was driving home since it happened to be between me and my house. When I got home, I ate both burgers, all the sides, cookie, and half of the coleslaw and chicken tenders. I was full by the time I started the second burger and I barely tasted anything I ate.

I'm not hungry at all today, but also have to worry that if I don't eat something I'll trigger my hypoglycemia and accidentally trip a seizure because I'm being stupid about this. On the other hand, eating when I didn't want to is exactly the reason I woke up with a low-simmering resentment about the world and everything in it.

I resent myself for being weak and wasteful. I resent every person who has ever forced me to eat anything I didn't want. I resent normal people for having the self-control/energy/metabolism I lack. I resent fat people I see who look completely happy with life. I resent super skinny people because they make me really nervous. I resent my classes because I started one class late and I'm struggling to catch up in a way that makes the other class difficult to give my full attention. I resent that this is happening while I'm in an obsessive phase over a book that I hate. I resent that my emotions are upsetting to my cats, and that just makes them squabble with each other. I resent that I don't feel like I have the time or energy to clean my house or cook healthy food to get myself stabilized after all this nonsense. I resent that I went to bed crying, and my last thought I can remember having before I fell asleep was, "What the hell is wrong with me? Food should be a basic necessity, not a reward or punishment." So I really, really resent face-palm realization moments that strike when you feel all vulnerable and not at all ready to deal with the broader implications of everything that is wrong with your brain.

[CrazyLo]

I wish I had better self-control.

not very impressed with myself rn. ate 2 hotpockets.

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

not very impressed with myself rn. ate 2 hotpockets.

i know it's slightly off topic, but what are hot pockets?

pretty sure we don't have them in england, and if we do they are called something else.

and i'm not impressed with myself either

finished a whole box of chocolates today. and a chicken dinner

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i know it's slightly off topic, but what are hot pockets?

pretty sure we don't have them in england, and if we do they are called something else.

and i'm not impressed with myself either

finished a whole box of chocolates today. and a chicken dinner

the picture will explain better than i could. this is basically what i ate:



what are they called in england?

glad he didn't get the pizza, kinda disappointed though. i'm hungry. oh well, just makes it easier for me to say no.

[CrazyLo]

I've been starving myself the past few days and the hunger is killing me. I want to eat so much food.

[KQiao]

Originally Posted by CrazyLo

I've been starving myself the past few days and the hunger is killing me. I want to eat so much food.

Are you sure that's healthy? Doesn't that just trip starvation mode in your brain? Maybe you should just stick to like... some very simple healthy foods for a day or two? I can't afford not to eat at all without screwing up my blood sugar levels and risking a seizure. When I came off my binge I limited myself to bread and cheese with water and fruit-infused tea to drink for a couple of days before I was able to expand to actual fruit and beans. (Oh my god, I craved chocolate so hard for the first couple of days, and I still do a bit right now.)
You should eat some lighter fair until your body stabilizes rather than cut yourself off. You really do risk messing up your blood sugar if you jerk yourself around too much on your nutrition, and I've always found not at all eating anything just makes cravings worse. Try and take the edge off with like a plain bread and meat sandwich. Maybe make a couple and cut them in half and eat a half every couple of hours with a snack in between and see if that doesn't take the edge off your cravings. By eating more often, you might be able to convince yourself you don't need to eat as much. It'll still be hard, but I find it helps me when I'm not in the throes of an active meltdown.

i suck. i ate long john silvers, which is some of the worst food ever as far as calories & such goes. i didn't even bother with portions. i ate it last night & this morning. i'm not eating anything else for the rest of today & most of tomorrow.

good in the day, started to mess up in the evening.

hope not too bad though. i don't think so anyway..

[waggiedog]

[waggiedog]

Hello dear KQiao, DizzyBritches , ShyPoetGirl and MomathOne. Good to see you all and keeping up with contact, even though mostly it was for sad and annoying purposes (bad news). My news is about the same, you know ED's blah blah blah ~ It's a complete roller~coaster, a round of binging/severe restricting/laxative abuse/purge. Starve/eat compulsively and so on. I was like this at 17 and went in~patient many times. Since then and a LOT of DBT/CBT I'm now 56 and the eating is more habit than anything. I hope you all have better times, if you do please check in

[CrazyLo]

Originally Posted by KQiao

Are you sure that's healthy? Doesn't that just trip starvation mode in your brain? Maybe you should just stick to like... some very simple healthy foods for a day or two? I can't afford not to eat at all without screwing up my blood sugar levels and risking a seizure. When I came off my binge I limited myself to bread and cheese with water and fruit-infused tea to drink for a couple of days before I was able to expand to actual fruit and beans. (Oh my god, I craved chocolate so hard for the first couple of days, and I still do a bit right now.)
You should eat some lighter fair until your body stabilizes rather than cut yourself off. You really do risk messing up your blood sugar if you jerk yourself around too much on your nutrition, and I've always found not at all eating anything just makes cravings worse. Try and take the edge off with like a plain bread and meat sandwich. Maybe make a couple and cut them in half and eat a half every couple of hours with a snack in between and see if that doesn't take the edge off your cravings. By eating more often, you might be able to convince yourself you don't need to eat as much. It'll still be hard, but I find it helps me when I'm not in the throes of an active meltdown.

Thanks.

I'm not completely starving myself. I'm just not eating quite enough. When I was anorexic I was so good at dealing with the hunger...sucking it up. Now I can't stand hunger and tend to overeat because of that. I've been eating small amounts of food about 5-6 times a day. And I've been walking every day. Haven't lost any weight, though.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by CrazyLo

Thanks.

I'm not completely starving myself. I'm just not eating quite enough. When I was anorexic I was so good at dealing with the hunger...sucking it up. Now I can't stand hunger and tend to overeat because of that. I've been eating small amounts of food about 5-6 times a day. And I've been walking every day. Haven't lost any weight, though.

That sounds so like me. I never felt hungry before now I never feel not hungry. But one thing I've noticed in retrospect is that every time I lose weight fast it trips off an episode. Sometimes I feel like my brain is saying; oh no you don't, if you're going to starve us we're going to go up or down to stop you. Usually mania first then the crash but sometimes just the crash.

[CrazyLo]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

That sounds so like me. I never felt hungry before now I never feel not hungry. But one thing I've noticed in retrospect is that every time I lose weight fast it trips off an episode. Sometimes I feel like my brain is saying; oh no you don't, if you're going to starve us we're going to go up or down to stop you. Usually mania first then the crash but sometimes just the crash.

Well now I'm noticing that I feel less hungry, despite no change in my low-calorie diet...but even though I don't feel as hungry, I keep yearning to chew something.

Originally Posted by CrazyLo

Thanks.

I'm not completely starving myself. I'm just not eating quite enough. When I was anorexic I was so good at dealing with the hunger...sucking it up. Now I can't stand hunger and tend to overeat because of that. I've been eating small amounts of food about 5-6 times a day. And I've been walking every day. Haven't lost any weight, though.

((((crazy low))))

i ate 2 good meals today. (well 1 of those being breakfast)

and only a few chocolates in between