Beating myself up

Been doing well but ate a brownie yesterday . I thought I had kind of given myself permission but chocolate is my really most addictive food. The sugar and chocolate together kind of make me feel dizzy. Plus I suffer from after quilt that is right off the charts. I beat myself up with the thoughts. I have tried to tell myself it is okay. I stopped and threw the leftover bit of brownie away. But I am torturing myself anyway. Only somebody who knows about addiction would understand that when I threw it away I made sure it would be destroyed. It is but I am treating myself badly anyway because I think I can not stop once I have gotten started but believe me there is none around. I only got one in the first place! If I was not doing this I would say. Okay! You stopped! You did find pleasure in the bites you had until it started to negatively effect you but the truth is I am like an alcoholic that decided to have just a little drink. The after quilt is about the fear of wanting more and more and not stopping. This addiction is real and painful to me and this is the first time I have realized that it is like being an alcoholic who just went off the wagon.

I wonder whether there are some tools that alcoholics use that you could apply here, then? Can you put it in perspective? What is it that has actually happened?

1) You bought one brownie
2) You ate part of one brownie
3) You destroyed and discarded the remainder of one brownie

After this your head went into overdrive trying to make sense of it - when you know it is something you had decided not to do

Okay that's everything that happened. Now what are you planning on doing next?

Can you stock up on fruit and vegetables that you know you like so they are on hand when you want to eat something else?

What is it you need to do to move on?

A good question. I did something similar about two weeks ago with a chocolate chip cookie and had similar bad results. Truthfully, even beyond the chocolate thing sugary so called treats don't go very well. On the whole, since I have started going to Weight Watchers I have been doing better. These events have been hard for me because it plugs into the deeper struggle of how I feel and act towards myself. I am in counseling and it is helpful. But I think I see that like an alcoholic needs to give up drinking I need to stop playing around with things that my body and even my mind has no tolerance . Once , years ago I went to a group for over eaters and they encouraged the stopping of these very triggering foods and I did for about two weeks and had more peace with food than I have ever had. I lost that continuing longing. I stopped because of other struggles but this may be a solution for me.

You have just made a lightbulb go on for me. My addiction is salty fatty foods like chips. I have been buying a full sized bag every day until today. Maybe one needs to totally abstain. Now why does that thought make me so sad?

Having done what I said I would and purged my home of a collection of breakfast bars etc I have to remind myself that it wasn't working out very well for me. I was also surprised when I donated them that there were so many. I filled a grocery bag with these things. I have two empty shelves and I feel a little lost but will try to keep reminding myself. It wasn't working out for me.

Mmmmm - I like the sound of that.....having peace with food. What was the process you went through to put that in place? I presume you had to identify all your triggering foods. I guess they are different for each person? I'd be intrigued to know the background of this choice - and apply it myself : )

Pretty much for me anything with sugar in it but especially with chocolate. The problem is I have a number of physical conditions that mean these things have a negative effect on my body. Rheumatoid arthritis, IBS and multiple food sensitivities like nuts, lactose and chocolate mean my eating is mine field of difficulty anyway. I sometimes fall off the program I need to set for myself and suffer terribly as a result. The things I might want and the things that are good for me are sometimes at war. Unfortunately, I am also quite elderly and haven't been participating in the friend program at Psych central . Thank you though for thinking of me.