The Big C...(post contains graphic descriptions of a medical nature)

i'm pulling for you and your mom and the kitties!!! keep posting. love, pat

Your post has me reliving my Mothers cancer that she had. It was vulvar cancer...more toward the outside of the vaginal area than your Mothers. It was called squamus cell cancer (the same as skin cancer). She said she realized she had a lump the size of a small marble.....just 3 months before going to the DR. She thought it was just a fibroid tumor like she had had about 50 years before. She had a hystorectomy in 1975 & was told that she didn't need pap smears after that. By the time she went into her DR, the tumor was the size of my fist. They did a biopsy & that was what showed up the squamus cell cancer which had spread into her %#@&#! area & into her groin lymph nodes. It was considered to be stage III or possibly stage IV. My mother was 79 years old when this happened. Her surgeon couldn't do any surgery unless the chemo/radiation could shrink the cancer to a size that was operable. They started with chemo...no help....then went for the radiation. It was almost a year of treatment before they could even consider surgery. The complications to that surgery were lymphadema of the legs along with blood clots. The worse part was that my mother didn't want me to go with her to her appointments because I asked too many questions & she didn't like the attention being taken away from her....& besides, she told me that "the Dr would tell her everything she needed to know".

I want so bad to be supportive to you.....my only problem is that my experience is more of what not to do rather than what to do in a situation like this. It has been almost 1 1/2 years since she died & I still can't let go of how much I blame her for everything surrounding the end of her life. I know that my experience was that of an unsuccessful cancer treatment & a case where no one was willing to deal with the truth & I really don't know why. I was the only one that knew that my mother was dying & her surgeon kept telling us that "he got it all in the surgery". She not once told me that she was going to die..& kept asking me when she was going to get better because she & everyone of her friends were praying that she would get better......the surgery couldn't have been any worse than her hysterectomy. Then she just loved her surgeon...."he saved my life" was her feelings towards him.

Unfortunately, our choices we make to take care of ourselves can end up being too late & the consequences are sometimes determined at the point where we decided to ignore our health. The consequences aren't always negative, but the longer we ingore our health, the more the chances are for it to be a negative outcome. In my mothers case, it wasn't the surgeons fault......like he told me finally just about 3 weeks before she died, "she didn't give me anything to work with when she came to me......she had ignored the problem too long". Why he never told her what was happening to her is beyond my understanding. It looks like he was never honest with her about how serious her condition was.

I guess what I am trying to point out mostly is that honesty is so important in this situation. I couldn't make honesty happen, but looking back, I might have been able to be more forcefull in being a part of the care information process instead of being manulipated into a situation that let us open to the prey of the RN on cancer patients. Not only did I have to go through the ID theft, the being accused by the police of abusing my mother & also the RN overdosing my mother on morphine. There is alot more, will try to PM you about some things to watch out for. It is definitely a rough thing to go through & hopefully your mothers outcome will be positive rather than what I went through. Watching my mother die without having any support nor anyone even admitting that she was dying was the hardest think I have ever gone through in my life.

I will be praying for you that everything will be for the best......we can't determine the outcome with prayer, only pray that the outcome will be the best for everyone.

Take care of yourself too. The stress I went through was so bad that I ended up with anorexia & was hospitalized myself for almost 2 months right at the time my Mother died. Being on IV feeding & trying to arrange the funeral & everything (being the only child.....I was the only one left to do anything) was really tough. It might have been a good thing though because I did have a lot of support in the hospital with the chaplins & my GP even made sure I had a psychologist that practiced in that hospital see me everyday.

Just going through the Dx of cancer is tough.....the after effects from the surgery are another thing to care for.....but make sure the Dr is being honest with you all. It is important to have that support & not be the person that is seeing what is going on without anyone to support what you are seeing.

I will try hard to be as supportive as possible......the worse part for me was the lack of honesty.....if they thought that by keeping the truth away from me was being supportive, they were absolutely wrong. Maybe my Mother couldn't have taken the truth....I don't know. I just got her medical records from her surgeon to go over & see if I can't make some sense out of why he treated her like he did. My psychologist said that it might help me put some closure on what happened & why. It was so sad to watch her die with on one even acknowledging that what I saw was really what was happening.

I don't want to be negative.....there is always a chance that the procedures/surgeries will be successful.......but I found for me that honesty about her condition would have helped me & probably I could have avoided the ID theft situation that had really messed me up dealing with the PTSD I am having.

Take care of you & your Mother,
Debbie

So sorry your going through this, you must be overwhelmed.....very understandable. I'm glad you came here foe support because it's much better then just dealing with this alone.

What I recommend is waiting this out a little bit and seeing exactly what is going on with the tumor and your moms condition. Don't get to overwhelmed and frightened yet.

I would also talk to the school and see if there is a possibility you could cut some classes and go part time next semester, just to be safe. All you need is 6 credit hours and you'll still be eligible for financial aid. I'm a part time student and so far I've only taken two classes per semester to get started, and I'm still covered by financial aid. Try night classes to so your available during the day. But I wouldn't drop out or put class on hold because you have to have a place to think about something else anyway, plus it's important.

I really hope this works out and it's discovered that she is okay.....I hope I hope. Please keep us posted and let us know what happened.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. She seems so young, and I could be mistaken, but there appeared to be a twinkle in her eyes! My sister went through horrible breast cancer and lost both breasts, and later had a form of vaginal cancer called GTD. I have been bald right along with her, so I can appreciate your show of solidarity. Try to remember when the chemo starts, that she is SUPPOSED to loose her hair. The chemo is designed to kill fast growing cells (hair is a fast growing cell) so it is doing its job. This can be a really scary time. . .try to find ways to take care of yourself too. If there is one thing I can advise you on it's this; you mom is going to need you. You cannot be a good caregiver for her if you aren't taking care of yourself. It is so easy for us as caregivers to deny ourselves while we are caring for an ill relative, but it is SO very important that you care for yourself during this time. Make sure you eat right, and often to keep up your strength. Try to get some exercise, even if it's just a short walk here and there. Make sure you are getting enough rest EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. She needs you at your best. And please, please. . .when you are overwhelmed and exhausted and weary. . .reach out. There may or may not be IRL folks to help you, but we are always here my love. I can't think of a single hour of the day or night when I've called out for help and SOMEONE hasn't been here to be with me.

My prayers reach out to you sweetie.

please let us know how things are....i've been offline and i've been worried about you and your mom and the kitties. love, pat