Struggling

I'm sorry that I haven't been much support of late. I'm coming back...slowly. I'm still functioning within my position, but wish that I had more support to give because it's so healing for my heart, and I care so much.

I've really been under it lately. Then, when already emotionally sapped, the little man gets sick...he was exposed to scarlet fever (strep). He's doing better, but I got no sleep, and had a sick baby in my arms or lap for three days...sore...that baby's three now! I went to go to bed early last night and my youngest called and was crying...her face and teeth hurting horribly. I took her to the ER and didn't get home until 2 this a.m. Couldn't get to sleep until 4 because I worried about her and the drugs they gave her, what's the next step, etc. She was dx'ed with TMJ dysfunction...for now. It certainly sounds right for the pain she's in. It appears that her wisdom teeth are coming in and causing lots of problems.

Tomorrow we're supposed to go to a Red's game. I have a sitter and would like to stay home and rest and send the baby anyhow. The thing is...it's oldest's first anniversary and she was so excited we'd all be going together. I can't, unless it's really bad, let her down.

My stepfather died three months ago and left my mother in a horrible position. I'm also dealing with her every day to try to work through the legal and financial issues. Then she gets frustrated because the baby might need me at the same time.

I'm just so dang tired. I was doing ok, even though very sapped emotionally/mentally, because physically I was resting and life was OK in most areas. Now that I'm physically drained as well, and FEELING IT, I want to go away somewhere...even to a motel...just me. I want to hide. Of course, I'd take the computer.

I'm just so tired. Can anyone relate? I think I need to get back on my vitamins.

Anyhow, my boy's better and flourishing. Daughter is maintaining until the next step, but for a few days I felt like I was sinking. Does anyone ever feel that it piles up so high, that they see no end it sight? That's where I was at, but I know it's because I was exhausted. I wanted to explain why I've been slow in response and short in support. I'm on my way back.

I just wanted to share with y'all because you understand. Everyone here IRL depends on me and does NOT want to hear that I'm not up to par.

Thank you for being here and "listening",

KD

Oh, Kimmy... I hear you! Yes, sometimes it just gets too much! One thing after another...

You're a good mother, Kimmy! The tired feeling will pass! Try taking care of you as much as you can. I know it's hard finding ways to do just that... but try... if only in short periods.

(((((((((((((( Kimmy & family )))))))))))))

Thanks ((((((((((((((((( nina ))))))))))))))))))))

The little man on his own today, was playing with the phone and said, "this is david *mine and hubby's last name*". I about bawled. He never speaks of his parents anymore hardly.

I didn't know what to say, and said nothing. He was doing pretend. When he was done, he came up to me and said, "I'm David *my last name*." I smiled really big, but had no words. Later we talked and I said his name and he told me his birth name.

You're right though...I'm his mom and I try to be a good mom. His daddy called the first night he was sick and neither of them even called back after that. I called them today just to "fill them in". When I called his mama to let them know he was sick, all she could talk about was their arguing (brother's doing worse again), and didn't go with me to take him to the dr. I cry for them so much...what they're missing...

Love,

KD

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( KD )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I understand the feeling. Just so much that everything is a blur. You go on auto because there is just so much that has to be done.

If ya need a week-end away. BG, we could hang out, not like I'm going anywhere.

Lisa

Oh, Lisa, I've been wanting to get away so badly! How cool would a trip be for me right now!

Love ya,

KD

kim....so sorry to hear of all you've been through...a good rest should bring you back up to par!..take care.....

kd hon if you feel you want to go for a night to a motel then do it!!! I too get overwhelmed and feel that longing to be alone just to relax and have peace of mind. I hope you are feeling a little better now.

Kimmy...when I was here a few months ago, you had let little fella go back to his parents. He is back with you now? He is so cute and sweet. I'm glad he is doing better.
Love
Patty

How ya doing?

Thanks, everyone. I'm doing better today. I got sleep last night.

I went to the red's game, though, and about passed plum out. The heat was horrible. I had to get cooled down and stuff before I could even get to car. It was scary and horrble. I'm doing better now.

I feel better emotionally, and now physically. I was just too worn out yesterday from lack of sleep.

Thank you so much.

KD

PS - Seeker, they baby just spent a few days a week with parents for a short time, but they couldn't do that. He's been with me full-time for almost two years..excepting the short period where they tried to do a few days per week and couldn't.

KD

Kimmy you are so sweet to apologize, I hope you are feeling better today and a bit rested (if possible). Is little man feeling better?--- I hope he is.

I've been away camping so I've missed a lot these past 4 days here at PC.

Sorry your daughter has to deal with TMJ--- it can be so painful-- I have it also, since I was in my early 20's. I wear a nightguard to help. If her problem persists maybe you could look into that with her?... just an idea.

You said this regarding your mom: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Then she gets frustrated because the baby might need me at the same time

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Isn't it something when the mother gets upset at us for being there for a child that absolutely NEEDS the care. I'm sorry your mom was like that to you. My mom was angry at me -- 6 months after my dad passed away, my hubby was transferred 450 miles away for 15 months.... then my 5 year old became sick with bronchitus complicted with his asthma..... upon my anguish at the load I had, with working, caring for two small boys, one being real ill and my hubby so far away-- my boss wanting to get close to me since my husband was out of town, I had a weak moment and sobbed to my mom-- how tired I was from everything--- her angry reply was "at least your husband IS coming back"-- that was all she said.
Kimmy-- I understand not getting the support and trying so hard to be there for everyone--- please make sure you give to yourself too.

Kimmy--

Thinking of you

KD, when it rains,it pours. we understand, no apology needed. take care of yourself, xoxo pat

glad to hear you and the baby are doing better. Hang in there.

Golly KD could it be your only human, in all reality hun, we know how hard you work at all you do. Glad to see ya ask us for support, cuz it makes us proud to lift your spirits
Love
Angie

HI there , no matter what U'll never be alone coz I felt how u felt in fact more severe than you. Just hold on ok do not let go if you wanna rest and wanna to be alone u can go to the park with all the treessss, birds, etc etc and take a deep breath I bet u can feel better or if you have pets play with them they will easily makes u happy. and when ur at the park take off ur shoe and walk on the grass make sure u dont step on anything ok this actually helps to release those negative things ( sorry forgothen the name ) from ur body. bath with hot water u will feel very relax. ANd when ur physical heath improved you can do more to help others etc etc.

love

Ouch KD!, I am so glad you can keep up your Administrator on PC with all of that going on. Lots of luck!

Hi Kimmy
I'm new and we haven't met...You sound like such a strong, kind, caring, compassionate, and empathetic woman. I admire those qualities as does the rest of the world. Kudos on taking on all the responsiblities and loving the best you can. Perhaps I can make it there some day!!

Thank you so much ((((((( everyone ))))))))))) and welcome mybestkids2.

I'm doing well. My daughter's still going through pain and I'm trying to help her through this time.

The little man starts preschool on Monday! YIPEE (for him and me)!!!! I'll be volunteering every Tuesday. I love kids, and interacting with them.

I'm so glad that I can "reach out" and always be heard. That's the biggest beauty of PC for me.

Love,

KD

Glad you and your little man are doing better...I understand when the weight of everything bears us down...hoping that you get a gentle rest and break...David is so blessed to have special you in his life...

One of the best things my T taught me was about ebb and flow of our energy, we're like weather or tides :-) and moods and energy come and go. Now it's a bit more comforting to me to watch and see that's true and not something that is my "fault" when I'm not feeling as energetic or in as good a mood as I was "before." The old airline admonition helps me too; you put the oxygen mask on yourself first and only then help others, including children, around you. If KD isn't doing well, she can't help the others as well! Take care of yourself. Hope you are getting some good R&R finally.