[nightdream]

When I started to learn a while back about personality disorders I have reliased that my mother, that I have such a hard time understanding, has a personality disorder called "Narcissistic Personality Disorder".

My mother cannot love anyone. She just takes what she needs from people then reject them. I think that even if my mother has hurt me so much and still do hurt me, I pity her because she cannot feel love. It's a feeling she doesn't have in her. Being love is something wonderful. One of the best thing in this world and my mother can't enjoy this feeling.

There is things she did to me that I cannot forget. I also know that she cannot love me. I did put some distance between me and her but I wouldn't hurt her. I cannot break the bond between mother and child. I love her.

I just needed to write this down.
Thank you for reading it!
nightdream

((((((((((((nightsdream)))))))))))))))))
That sounds so painful! I'm so sorry your mother can not love right now. Its amazing that you have become such a caring person despite that!

Nightdream,

I'm so sorry your mother can't feel love and hasn't shown you love. It's very strong and wise of you to see that she has problems.

You are special and loved here.



It's good to see you're back.

Mandy

[Myzen]

Hi nightdream,

What comes over in your post is all the love, selflessness and understanding that you have. As you rightly say, the narcissistic person is unable to feel love for others, and their internal life must be very bleak to say the least.

When we are struggling with the pain inflicted upon us, we tend to get defensive, which makes things worse for us. I think that you have overcome that. The change seems to come when we realise that there are other people in the world that we can share our love with.

I think of it as stepping out of the shadows.

Good thoughts, M

[nightdream]

((((((((((((((Esthersvirtue)))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((Mandy))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((Ozzie))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((Myzen)))))))))))))))))))

Thank you and take good care of yourself dear kind special people!

nightdream

[heatherm]

(((((((((nightdream)))))))))

It feels so peaceful seeing your posts on here hun. You bring such calmness with your soft soul.

xoxo

[nightdream]

Thank you dear sweety! You have touch my heart.

((((((((((((((((((Heather))))))))))))))))))))))

You are very kind and trully wonderful!
nightdream

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((((nightdream))))))))))))))))))))

[SeptemberMorn]

My heart cries for you {{{{{{{{{{{{{NightDream}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

We do need our mother's love, don't we?

[Hope4me2]

I am one of those mothers who cannot experience love...not because I want to but because of what I went through as a child...my mother not being able to love me and abandoning me when I was 2 yrs old. and then being sexually abused by my brother and uncles and cousins...ugh....since then I have kept people at arms length even my own kids...when they say they love me it does nothing for me and when they hug me it feels so unnatural..I HATE being like this...but my T is working on it with me...when my kids try to show me affection I tend to go elsewhere in my mind...but he is teaching me how to stay in the moment and that is so hard...I feel sooooo awful for being like this....sorry Nightdream that you had to deal with a mom like me....

[vanna123]

Dear Hope --- When i was just barely 17 I became an emancipated minor and was able to move into my family of choice.
It took me over 10 years of being with them before I could make eye contact and another 5 years before I could even give them a kiss on the cheek or a hug.
It was very very difficult to re-learn how to be. even to this day I sometimes find myself regresssing when it comes to being able to show love or affection and I hate being that way.
I really really want to be able to give my family a hug or go beyond "good good" friends with my boyfriend but still am unable to at times. I give myself a pep talk before I see them and sometimes it works and sometimes it fails.
I have this friend I go to see every year in Maine and a big giant hug and a kiss is so automatic that I look forward to that part of my vacation more than anything else. why cannot it be that eay with everyone.
I must say that with my Godchildren (8,5,2) that hugging, cuddling and kissing go on all the time. I am grateful for that. I love them more than life itself.
What I am trying to say is that learning to reparent ourselves is difficult but well worth the effort.
GOOD LUCK!!
have you ever tried EMDR I have found that extremely helpful with the sadistic and horrifying effects of my childhood.

[vanna123]

And please note that the help and encouragement you have given me here has been felt. and if how you treat and respond to people here at the forum is an indication of your life I am sure your children know just how much you love them.

[Hope4me2]

vanna thanks so much for your kind words and encouragement....it truly means alot
thank you

[babs]

Nightdream, I feel your pain. My mother has histrionic pd, and recently said she loved me during my dad's funeral after I hadn't spoken to her for 2 years. I think it is true she feels this way, but it is not the kind of love that is healthy for me, but the kind of taking love she only knows how to do. The thing is, the children of PD parents need love from their parents that isn't distructive, or just need them to love them period--and it hurts so much when we don't get it. It is an empy feeling when you realize your PD parent isn't able to love you for your sake. How I survived it--I had to tell myself I was lovable, that I had to accept that Mom wasn't going to love me for my own sake, and then grieve it. I had to go through all the stages of greiving like it was a death. Then, as time goes on I have taught myself to manage what remaining pain I have, to remember that I have only one life to live, so I need to live it with the choice of being fully engaged in my own happiness as I am responsible for it and to keep moving forward. Always move forward because as sad as it is to be the child of a PD parent, we can recover from our pain and live a good life.

Yes it is really hard having a mother that doesn't know how to love but want so much love from her children and even if she has that love she cannot feel it.

I am sorry that you are also living a life with a mother that can't love you in return.

I have accepted that my mother cannot love me. What I can't accept is why she still want to destroy me. I will probably never know.

Take care of youself! It's nice to have you here with us!