[PsychStudent74]

I believe my husband has antisocial pb. My T thinks it's more BPD. He would never admit that there is anything wrong w/ him I am sure. How can I talk w/ him w/ out making him angry about this? He angers pretty quick! He has gotten better w/ his temper some what since I have started standing up for myself more but I know he would be in denial. I am not sure what to do. He is so hard to live w/ and I have gotten to the point where I am just buying time to get my self in a better situation to leave him. I did tell him I was not dealing w/ his gambleing anymore and after a few words he said ok but I know it wasn't a sincere ok. He thinks I will just get past it and will let him go later on. My kids suffer from this because of his temper also. My oldest daughter can't stand him and I hate for her to be so unhappy. WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO? PLEASE HELP!

[Rapunzel]

Hmm, that's hard. Since you said that you're just buying time until you can leave, what would it take for you to be ready to go?

Since your husband isn't here and isn't asking for help changing and from what you wrote he probably wouldn't respond to anything we might do to try to change him (you can't change someone else anyway, or someone who doesn't want to change), all that there really is left is to concentrate on you, and what you can do.

What are you doing to get ready to make the changes you want to make in your life, such as leaving him if that is what you want to do?

Do you have a safety/emergency plan in case his temper gets worse and it isn't safe to be around him? It's important to know what you would do, so that you don't have to figure it out on the fly should things come to that.

What are you doing to set boundaries and protect your self-esteem, etc. from being further damaged?

What can you do to protect your children?

Sorry, all I have is more questions when I'm sure you would rather have answers. It's just one of those things nobody can figure out for you.

Rap

[PsychStudent74]

Well one thing is we are opening a new restaurant and I made sure it is all in my name. As far as a emergemcy plan not reallt, but I do have my whole family around me for help. The self esteem thing, I go to my every 2 weeks and she knows my plan. I guess if I still cared it would matter what he says. As far as the kids they just stay away from him. He is working out of town till the middle of the month and then will be back home to help get the restaraunt up and going.

I just thought maybe there would be away to confront him about his problem to better himself but I guess not.

When I see my loved ones or friends that may be this or that I first think about my problems and if I would want them confronting me on my behavior and problems.

The bottom line is that no one can change me but me and no one can change other people but those other people when and if they want to change for themselves.

My advice leave it alone. his behavior and health physical and mental is up to him to take care of and change should he want to.

If you are at a point where you cannot accept him for how and who he is then you know where the door is.

Friends and lovers accept each other unconditionally. Not because they do and say what we want them to do and say.

[PsychStudent74]

Would you not confront them if they r living recklessly? Like when we meet he knew I drank alot but he finally confronted me about it. I agreed and it has been 2 1/2 yrs since I have drank. I would think if you love someone then you would try to help better them. I don't mean that I don't love him I am just to where I can't live like this anymore.

[Rapunzel]

How do you think he might respond if you simply told him that? "I love you and want to see you living the best life that you can, but I am just to where I can't live like this anymore." You could tell him about how it helped you when he confronted you about your drinking, and tell him that now you want to do the same for him.

The thing is, if he will go to therapy and make changes so that you and the kids can be around him, would you want him around? And if he isn't willing to change, are you willing to leave?

[PsychStudent74]

I am not sure if I would offend him or not! If he would change I would deff stay because I really do love him. He thinks that therapy is good for me but I think he thinks that it would make him look "weak". This is just what I think. To answer other question yes I will adventually leave if things don't str8t up. My kids have been threw enough in their little time on this earth. It isn't fair for me to make it worst.