I'm not really sure where I should post this..... hope this place is OK..... thought since it has to do with my paranoid traits I'd put it here.

This is hard as I'm very private and fearful of exposing anything about how I think or feel....... but here goes.....

I've been in therapy for over 2 years and just recently my hubby is going seperate from me, to see the same therapist--- he's been drinking to the point of passing out, almost nightly and has some VERY big changes coming up in his career, of which are making him anxious and stressed.

The thing is..... I feel more anxious now that hubby is seeing my therapist........ my paranoia is trying to take over.... I'm fighting it, and I could really use some outside opinion. My mind is thinking things like......."my therapist and hubby could be plotting something against me... like making me look really bad and I'm not there to defend myself". What if they want me to seem more ill than I am?? I worry and then start to question if maybe this is the time for me to quit going to therapy?? I just want to be safe.... and all my life I've only had me to keep ME safe.

I'm stressed and worry about going ... I've scheduled my next appointment 4 weeks from my last one, I'm so leery of going...

Sometimes I have a hard time knowing if my feelings are justified feelings or if it's mostly paranoia....... I can't tell?????

My T. seems to really want to help me and my hubby .... but...... there's this big wall of doubt that I'm having a hard time getting around....

I'm thinking that maybe I feel trapped in places that perhaps really AREN'T traps..... I'm questioning so much lately..... it's just I don't know what's really real sometimes....... which can be so frustrating and scary!

My T. said that reality can many times, be subjective-- which has left me feeling more confused and lost than ever!!!! Is everyone's reality different??? How can I know if what I perceive as real-- IS real?? Is there not an absolute reality??? the true reality? so confused.... and frustrated!

To anyone that read this.... thank you.
mandy

[Fuzzybear]

Your T is right, there is NO absolute reality!!!

To those who think they know THE TRUTH? pppfffffttttttt

Hi Mandyfins. I understand where you are coming from with 'sharing' your therapist. But have you discussed this with him/her? Maybe they could reassure you, seeing all this is making you wary and reluctant to continue therapy... Or can your T not refer your husband to a colleague or something?

And nope, unfortunately, there is no absolute reality per se.

Thanks Fuzzy-- you and your "popcorn guy" always know how to make me smile.

thank you
mandy

Hi Always,

You know, you may have hit on something......"sharing" my therapist....... I do have terrible anxiety of being left out when there's more than myself and another person. I never thought about it but maybe that's part of it.... I'm afraid I'll be put aside just like when I was little.... I couldn't measure up to my older siblings..... I got pushed aside every time.

However, I'm very very afraid of saying anything to my T. about it..... I'm so afraid he'll be mad at me.......... does that sound dumb?? I'm afraid he'll say that maybe I should go find someone else if I'm the one having the problem about it.... or maybe he'll say "gee, thanks for the confidence in me"-- real sarcastic like. Being misunderstood is a big problem for me and a T. misunderstanding me would..... well..... I get shakey just thinking about it.

*** caution***** below may be triggering to some****

Now, this reality thing is where I'm REALLY struggling. There must be an absolute reality..... isn't there?? Like when I was subjected again and again to having to watch, while I was a child, another child being physically abused and couldn't do anything about it....... then I'm just as bad as the abuser--- this is my reality. So, if there is no "true" reality..... then my reality of being a bad person can be correct? Also the abuser never thought she was doing anything wrong..... like the children she beat-- they should have been beat even resulting in broken bones-- that is her reality--- is her reality correct too??? She was right in what she did.... How can so many realities be correct???

Am I wrong for not being able to help? Is the abuser wrong for hurting? can we both be wrong? I'm so lost..................

thank you for your reply-- it means a lot to me.

mandy

[(JD)]

Hmmmm I don't know your situation and your T's qualifications and reasons... but I know MY T is MY T... and he would not consider doing what your T has done. You need your T to advocate for YOU... and if there happens to be a conflict with you and your spouse, how can the T advocate for both of you?? It just doesn't work.

IDK who's idea it was that your spouse see T on his own without you as in couples counseling.. but it was a BAD idea IMO. Part of this is also the EXACT reason of what you are experiencing.. it's undermining those hours and hours of trust you have built in a relationship with your T.

Tell your T you don't like it. Tell your spouse to find someone else, please. TC

**gulp**... I sure don't want to get my T. in any trouble.

Gee sky-- do you really think so.....

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
it was a BAD idea IMO. Part of this is also the EXACT reason of what you are experiencing.. it's undermining those hours and hours of trust you have built in a relationship with your T.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Trust has been a slow process with therapy..... not too sure though if I was ever really very far on the trust meter with my T. anyway . Trusting someone is so very very hard for me.

I'm not familiar with the proper protocol for therapy. You'd think my T would know what would be best in my case and my relationship with my husband...... but maybe not.

My T. is a very experienced psychologist-- 35+ years. which makes me think..... "maybe it's just ME that is the problem".

I'm so confused.....feeling that "twisted" feeling again.... too bad there isn't a pretzel person icon.

thanks for your reply sky... gave me some things to think about. I appreciate it very much.

mandy

[OneAndMany]

Mandy,

My therapist is very hesitant to work with my husband at all. There have been two times when hubby called T to get some clarification and my T called me before discussing anything with him. She has made it known that if hubby wants to get therapy, she can recommend someone else but would not be able to be his primary therapist for the exact reasons that Sky mentioned.

I don't think I would want my hubby seeing my therapist either, even if my T thought it was ok!

Elizabeth

Gee Elizabeth, I guess this may be an issue that I hadn't thought about. Your T. sounds cautious-- in a good way.
It never occured to me that it's probably not a good thing for us to both see the same T.

Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it.

mandy

[Rapunzel]

I would be very uncomfortable with my husband seeing my therapist too. It really is a conflict of interest, IMO. And important for you to bring up your feelings about it with your therapist. If he's any good, he will understand your feelings and validate them.

If my husband went to my therapist, I would obsess about whether what I tell her matches with what he tells her. I know that I distort things, but I don't know how much or what is really accurate. It would really drive me nuts.

Hi Rapunzel,

Oh my gosh-- you sound just like me here:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
If my husband went to my therapist, I would obsess about whether what I tell her matches with what he tells her. I know that I distort things, but I don't know how much or what is really accurate.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

yes, just how much do I distort and what is accurate?? It does drive me crazy!

I'm having too much anxiety though, about bringing it up to my therapist..... He's helping my husband some........ I don't want to be the reason that his help is interrupted.
I don't see anything I can do right now about it........
I'm hoping my husband won't go to see this T. too many more times.

Thanks for your reply--- feels good to know that I'm not alone in the way I think.

mandy