[WinterRose]

Masterson points to abandonment depression as being at the root of BPD. I just found a book, "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" that goes through 5 stages of abandonment - really I think they mean like 5 stages of grieving not that it takes 5 stages to become abandoned, just 5 stages of reaction. It also goes through techniques to cope with the trauma. The stages are Shattering, Withdrawl, Internalizing the Rejection, Rage, and Lifting.

I've only just started it, but it looks very applicable - just ratched it up a notch. I'm thinking from my skimming it may even use some DBT. I'm only on the 2nd chapter which is about shattering and it lists responses to abandonment in this stage as a feeling of having sustained a heart wound, arousal of your biological self-defense system, operating on survival instinct, split thinking, symbiotic feelings, suicidal fantasies and thoughts of death, somatic sensations, shame, and shock. She had some zinger insights in these areas like, "The concept of death serves as an escape frantasy; it is the only way [people] can imagine an end to the pain. ... The idea that we could end the pain if we wanted to restores a sense of control that we have temporarily lost."

I haven't gotten further yet, but in skimming, it looks like the author will address the positives of each stage and how they can be put to positive use in our lives as well as coping skills for each stage. For Shattering she mentions being in the moment (Mindfulness).

Is this resonating for anyone else?

HI Winter rose, I have that book. To be honest I read it, nodded a couple of times, the forgot it. For me being adopted there is a great book called "Primal wound" I think anyone that has suffered abandoment will find this helpful.

[Fuzzybear]

This resonates for me big time. Thanks for the post WinterRose!!

[WinterRose]

I'll look up Primal Wound. There isn't much written about Abandonment Depression specifically.

idk, i think fear of abandonment may be the root symptom of BPD..

I"m reading a book goo: "Understanding The Borderline Mother. Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship". I'm not far at all in it, but it caught my eye at the bookstore. I see my mother and I see myself as a mother. Hard.

Here are common thoughts among children with borderline mothers:

"I never know what to expect"

"I don't trust her"

"She says it didn't happen" ("it" can be anything)

"She makes me feel terrible"

"Everyone else thinks she's great"

"Its all or nothing"

"She's so negative"

"She flips out"

"Sometimes I can't stand her"

"She drives me crazy"

Each of these is then talked about separately.

The book caught my eye because of the first line of the preface: "The first thing we must understand in life is our mother." and goes on to say "Understanding our mother is the first step to understanding ourselves."

and a line from the Introduction resonated with me, too:

"Children with borderline mothers begin their lives with an insecure attachment to an emotionally unstable mother."

Anyway, the book seems like it will be very good. Am taking it with me to therapy tomorrow.

[AlteredState01]

Interesting concept. The stages mentioned do resonate in a general sense. Would really like to know more about it as you read more.

Keep us posted?

Altered State

[sujunew]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ECHOES said:
Here are common thoughts among children with borderline mothers:

"I never know what to expect"

"I don't trust her"

"She says it didn't happen" ("it" can be anything)

"She makes me feel terrible"

"Everyone else thinks she's great"

"Its all or nothing"

"She's so negative"

"She flips out"

"Sometimes I can't stand her"

"She drives me crazy"

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
This really upsets me, as I know nothing about BPD but am beginning to realise its impact on my life. I feel so crazy and out of control at times- like the quotes above allude to, and I never knew what was happening, where the rage was coming from or why. I'm going to get a copy of the book and read up. Tks Echoes.

[Direction]

My father left when I was eleven. Be interested in hearing more about it as you read...

He died in 2005 and in those 25 years he was never able to be a father.

I guess that is the driving force behind spending so much time with my own children

[Liberada]

What am I, if I can relpace the "She"s with "I"s ...?

(i need my T to go faster)