abandonment

abandonment . . . i think that part of my traumas were and are the reason i'm stuck with PTSD . . . wish i could type more about this for support but it's too hard.

Jennie,

Abandonment is just one of those words that sucks the breath out of you. Facing feelings of abandonment takes a lot of courage and strength. Abandonment just tends to leave anybody feeling hugely vulnerable and alone.

We're here. Write as you feel able.

Jane

Abandonment...one of my many issues. I don't think it's necessary for you to get the much needed support. I think many of us have been there. I know I have.

I think from the time I was born my mom abandoned me in so many ways possible. I hate to say it, but my dad did too in his own ways. My mom left us when we were little, was never there when we needed her, and often turned her back on us when her mother instincts should've been in overdrive. I'm not a mother so what do I know, right?

My dad often gives us the boot when he has a woman in his life, so he abandons us that way. My mom just did it more literally. Now I'm always afraid of everyone leaving me. If you don't hear it out of me once a month or so, I'm sick or something; I'm known for saying you're gonna leave me...everyone does eventually.

Ah, the reality of it...everyone leaves ya. It cannot be avoided.

god, me too...

wow.

I was born, given by my birth mom,sent to foster parents,sent to adoptive parents,taken away from them at age 12, and transferred away through group homes and foster homes until i was 17 at which point i moved out on my own.

any wonder I have abandonment issues 0_0

sigh. WOW (((((hugs all of you)))))) It's good that you can at least mentally realize why you have abandonment issues... changing the feelings, and the fears, take more hard work... but I'm sure it's worth it! BTW that someone abandons you has nothing to do with YOU, but with them... TC

I have recently realized that some people abandon what they can't control. People, places, things, jobs, even their own feelings..... My mother too. Grasping the concept that though her emotional abandonment so profoundly affected me, it was nothing personal.... sure felt/feels personal...... but, it wasn't my fault, it wasn't your fault. You, me, we, are all worthy of unconditional love just the way we are.

Same here.

I have had major abandonment issues. My T has helped me a lot. It is a lifetime thing.

Just beginning to realize the magnitude of the iceburg of abandonment issues...Haven't gotton to the "it's not my fault" part yet. I am still fully convinced that I had something to do with the MOther not wanting me...But then logically, what does a 2-1/2 yr old have to do with that???

... that's what you have to keep telling yourself, imo, white_iris... you didn't have anything to do with that... you wouldn't expect any 2 yr old now, IRL, to be in control of anything... of course it's not your fault! That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

Sometimes I'll be remembering something I had to deal with at a certain age and I'll see a kid that age and I'll just get my mind blown that I was THAT little when I was supposed to cope with whatever....... perspective. I think healing has a lot to do with changing our perspectives.......

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EJ711 said:
Abandonment is just one of those words that sucks the breath out of you. Facing feelings of abandonment takes a lot of courage and strength. Abandonment just tends to leave anybody feeling hugely vulnerable and alone.
We're here. Write as you feel able.

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thanks (((EJ711)))

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Lexicon78 said:
Ah, the reality of it...everyone leaves ya. It cannot be avoided.

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I don't think everyone does. Well, I hope not. (((Lexicon78)))

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Rainbowzz said:
god, me too...wow. I was born, given by my birth mom,sent to foster parents,sent to adoptive parents,taken away from them at age 12, and transferred away through group homes and foster homes until i was 17 at which point i moved out on my own. any wonder I have abandonment issues 0_0

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(((Rainbowzz)))

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_Sky said: BTW that someone abandons you has nothing to do with YOU, but with them...

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(((_Sky))) thanks!

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dottie said:
Same here.

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(((dottie)))

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wisewoman said:
I have had major abandonment issues. My T has helped me a lot. It is a lifetime thing.

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(((wisewoman))) . . . geez, a lifetime thing??? I wish it [abandonment] wasn't such a major issue, but there's no getting around it, huh?

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white_iris said:
Just beginning to realize the magnitude of the iceburg of abandonment issues...Haven't gotton to the "it's not my fault" part yet. I am still fully convinced that I had something to do with the MOther not wanting me...But then logically, what does a 2-1/2 yr old have to do with that???

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(((white_iris)))

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hillbunnyb said:
Sometimes I'll be remembering something I had to deal with at a certain age and I'll see a kid that age and I'll just get my mind blown that I was THAT little when I was supposed to cope with whatever....... perspective. I think healing has a lot to do with changing our perspectives.......

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(((hillbunnyb))) . . . you've pointed out another issue of mine!!! I've had panic attacks from staring (from afar) at strangers' children who are at a certain age, triggering my past traumas. This scares me as I enter parenthood.

Might be triggery here....

I look at children and see myself a lot of the time at that age, but I also look at these children and see the little girl that I was forced to abuse against my own free will by my ex bf. I want to cry and run and hide away from the world everytime I see children anymore. It's too painful.

This scares me as I enter parenthood.

Oh, I can't even imagine the fright, Jennie.

I opted not to be a mother...I was afraid to raise a child because I didn't think I was capable. But you will be a good mom because you are working on healing.

I remember the first time I was triggered by a watching a child. I was having my hair cut and a little girl was waiting for her mother. She was doing cheerleader routines and watching herself in the mirror. She was so cute.

I asked the mother how old she was and she said eleven. I couldn't believe my eyes. I always thought I was so much older at eleven. I realized at that time the magnitude of what happened to me.