Abandonment 2

Someone here almost never replies to my posts although they are supportive to most others. I don't know what I have done "wrong"..... I guess they don't like me. I also wonder if bad things have been said, about me I make mistakes like everyone else, and I deeply regret some things that have happened...... but I always try not to hurt people. Occasionally I don't succeed, but I have been also hurt here.... a lot

How not to take this personally

This post is hard for me to make so please be kind

hey there bear. i've read your posts. i think you are a sweet, supportive person, and cant imagine why anyone would dislike you. i'm sorry that you've been hurt here. i cant tell you not to take things personally, but i think people here are doing their best to show their understanding and support of a very large community. dont know how many members and posts there are, but it sure is a lot. perhaps this person is not ignoring you at all. i've had posts with few responses and some with many. i try not to take it personally because i know that there are others here searching for help just as i am, and its difficult to get to everyone.
please dont feel abandoned. we're all here for you, even if we cant always let you know it.
great big hugs fuzzybear. feel better soon.

I hear you. Maybe it is more about where they are than what you have done wrong. Maybe they pick the posts they can reply to. Maybe they pick particular forums. I don't know.

As to being hurt, I think that happens to a lot of us online. I also think we all have to find our own ways of dealing with that. For me that sometimes means stepping back from the whole forum thing. Sometimes it means stepping aside from situations which remind me of other situations in which I have been hurt, and sometimes it means keeping a distance from people who remind me of others who have hurt me. I realise that is not always "fair" to the people involved, but it's the best I can do.

I also increasingly live by the saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." That was said to me by someone who later hurt me badly and when they said it I wasn't ready to hear it. Now I see it as one of the few things I can do to protect myself. Again, it might not be fair, but it is what I need to do to protect myself. To me it's about having healthy boundaries, but I know what is healthy for me may not be healthy for others. It isn't about not forgiving someone, just about not being able to take certain risks a second time around.

Like you, I work at not taking things personally. Sometimes that is nearly impossible to achieve, however.

Thank you greenfairy!

Caroline,
I have found that the "being hurt by someone" nearly always works two ways. And some situations repeat, or another situation is the reverse of a previous traumatising online situation. That has happened to me more than once here. Sigh.

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I have found that the "being hurt by someone" nearly always works two ways.

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Yes, me too. That's why I tend to keep more distance in all my online relationships now. I've learnt (I hope) from previous mistakes that it is when I get too close that hurt happens. So I keep healthy (for me) boundaries.

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some situations repeat

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Yes. The "fool me once" comment above is about that. Not about individual relationships where hurt has happened but about my general rules for being online.

I was just trying to explain how I try to avoid abandonment issues for myself, as well as trying to give an alternative perspective on what might be happening for you.

<font color="purple"> ((((((fuzzybear))))))) I think you are a very supportive and caring person. I have been on your recieveing end of comforting words and thoughts, which Iappreciated very much. You hang in there, you are vcery much cared about here! </font>

Fuzzybear,
I hear what you are saying.
I sometimes come on here feeling really awful. And I think that nobody likes me etc etc.

But later on in the day I realise that it was because I was feeling yukky because of my own issues.

I just wanted to let you know,
I THINK YOU ARE GREAT!

you sure are very cared for sometimes i feel the same way but like greenfaiery said there r tons of ppl here so i know its hard to respond to everyone but remember we love you take bye steph

i love you fuzz and i'll never abandon you.....ever

Hi, Fuzzybear!

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling hurt--I know how that is, when someone we think should be helping us isn't. It can be very frustrating.

The only way I can get any comfort in a situation like that is to believe that the person doesn't know they are being hurtful; to think the best, that if they knew I was in such need they would come help.

I hope you feel better soon, we all love you!

DJ

I love you ((((((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))))

Someone told me once that I cannot please everyone.

(((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))

A wonderful bear!!!!!!!!

Hi, Fuzzy!!

I was having very similar feelings lately.

Once I thought it through, I realized that all/most of us here have our own issues/past experiences that might be the glasses we're looking through. Also, instead of imagining that someone doesn't like me, if it matters enough to me, I'll confront (not in the best of ways...trying to work on that one ) and/or isolate (still not a great idea...another one I'm working on.)

Basically, talking with the person who one feels hurt by is always the best way...they may have no idea someone is feeling that way, or there are behind-the-scenes reasons we would never know.

I can say it hurts terribly to think someone doesn't like me...especially those I like immensely.

As for me...I enjoy your posts...you've always been there for me...so want to give you a HUGE Teddy Bear sized ****HUG****

Thank you for caring! (((((((((((((SerenitysWave))))))))))))))

Thanks Pegasus, I think you are right, and also some personalities just don't "gel" online (and in 3D I suppose)

Bearhugs
Fuzzy

(((((((((((((((((Everyone)))))))))))))))))

I wanted to reply to you all individually but I don't want to "hog space" although in theory the space here is unlimited.... I appreciate all your support, care and thoughtful replies,

Blessings,
Fuzzy

I think Caroline probably nailed it. I know that for me I kind of browse the forums and respond in a haphazard way. I'm sure I don't respond to everyone equally, but it's not intentional. Perhaps it's the same way for the person you have in mind. (I used to try and participate in every forum, but I've come to realize that I don't have much to offer in certain forums.)

right... unless someone was a former "friend"..... I really don't have any one person in mind here

I have "avoidant traits" and so am very hurt by rejection, its hard to understand or deal with blech. I think I am improving though I am better at setting healthy (for me) boundaries anyway.... and even in knowing what those are

Take care,
Fuzzy

Hey Fuzzy....me too..I know and see about 5 posters who will post in the same forum as me and yet they NEVER post to me..not even when I offer THEM support in their threads...I kinda give up. I have a different feeling than many here..I think in some cases its just an accident they didnt see me...and for many they just dont care to reply to ME ....I don't feel very bad about it..I end up just not supporting them much as I feel maybe they have some invisable issue with me that really has zero to do with ME and then I say SCREW it....I have actually seem one person post one night in EVERY forum minus 2 and skip my stuff. I am like a duck water pretty much runs off me...but I DO wonder WHY like...are they selfish or mad or have me confused with past people in their lives.....do they not know I have supported them often..do they dislike my support..all in all its no skin off our backs..they could just be shallow or ? ya know...so many things..Its NOT you youre a sweetie

Thanks (((((((((( Sleeps ))))))))))) I think that sort of thing sucks too, and YES it has more to do with other/past people in their lives than you..... and if they dislike our support, well...... their loss

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Fuzzybear said:
Thanks (((((((((( Sleeps ))))))))))) I think that sort of thing sucks too, and YES it has more to do with other/past people in their lives than you..... and if they dislike our support, well...... their loss

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LOL I agree I mean hey we are a butterfly and a bear....and if they don't like it...well........ hehe

Fuzzybear,
I think that we all have to be mindful to the fact that we are all here because we have problems.

It is impossible to please everybody.

From my own point of view, I would never want to upset anybody. I'm not good with confrontation.

And on some days I feel so sad that it is seriously difficult for me to help anyone.

Also,sometimes we can read something in someones post that upsets or triggers us, I tend to stay away from that post for a while until I feel better and can cope with it.

The other thing I would like to say is- Have you seen how many people have read this post! And how many people have replied!
That tells YOU something.

Hugs to you!

Thank you Pegasus, I am the same way, I don't want to upset anybody. Sometimes I have tried to communicate when I have been hurt and confused by someone and as it turned out it made matters worse (and was devastating to me..... hurt people hurt people, works both ways ) so being avoidant is safer ..... but if I always avoid I would be "stuck" ....

Thanks for your helpful reply!
Bearhugs,
Fuzzy

This thread wasn't meant to be hurtful to anyone and ...... deleted