[PetulantWolf]

Where does this come from exactly. I know its a huge symptom for me but I just dont get it. Why do I overreact to people leavingme? Why do I think theyre leaving me when thyre NOT leaving me? Why do I push them away and then freak out when thyre gone? I know it comes from abuse, but I just dont understand how I got from there to here sometimes..

[Rapunzel]

If you have never been able to count on people being there for you when you need them, then it would make sense to be afraid that they won't be there for you now either. It's somewhat typical human behavior that sometimes it feels like we are too distant and alone, so we move closer together, and then we feel suffocated and overwhelmed, so we push away. For borderlines, it's like that but more extreme. I think that a lot of it has to do with past experience and how we learned to cope with it. The key to overcoming it is to learn to recognize when something in the present feels like something from the past, and we are likely to react as if it were the very same thing, when actually there may be some big differences and how we reacted back then isn't the best response now. So we need to learn to be in the present and act according to what is in our best interests now. Easier said than done, though, isn't it? It takes a lot of self-awareness and practice.

[Fuzzybear]

[Direction]

Can't add much to what Rapunzel has already posted...other than you are not alone...

[PetulantWolf]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rapunzel said:
. The key to overcoming it is to learn to recognize when something in the present feels like something from the past, and we are likely to react as if it were the very same thing, when actually there may be some big differences and how we reacted back then isn't the best response now. So we need to learn to be in the present and act according to what is in our best interests now. Easier said than done, though, isn't it? It takes a lot of self-awareness and practice.

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Definately easier said than done. I always realize when its toolate. All Ive learned so far isthat I cant trust my judgement when it comes to these things. Im always wrong.

[Rapunzel]

If you are starting to realize it, even after the fact, then just keep practicing. In time you can learn to realize it early enough to change your reactions. You'll get there.

[Perna]

I think it has to do with lack of control. If we know someone else is not under our "control" then that's pretty scary; maybe we're not under our control and if we're not under our control, in what direction does "safety" lie?

For me, I know my stepmother was very controlling so I both experienced and was surrounding by "control" issues so that's what I learned? It took a long time in therapy to learn to hold Me and others and what I experience "lighter" and not so tightly. Others are "allowed" to live their own lives/go away from me and it doesn't mean they are taking part of me with them. I cannot be "divided" that way, I will stay together. I don't need to either panic or protest/get angry.

[PetulantWolf]

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Perna said:
I think it has to do with lack of control. If we know someone else is not under our "control" then that's pretty scary; maybe we're not under our control and if we're not under our control, in what direction does "safety" lie?

For me, I know my stepmother was very controlling so I both experienced and was surrounding by "control" issues so that's what I learned? It took a long time in therapy to learn to hold Me and others and what I experience "lighter" and not so tightly. Others are "allowed" to live their own lives/go away from me and it doesn't mean they are taking part of me with them. I cannot be "divided" that way, I will stay together. I don't need to either panic or protest/get angry.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This is all good stuff. You are both right...Ihave to print this thread and hang it onmy wall...unless youwould like to email me every day and say this over and over

[PetulantWolf]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perna said:
Others are "allowed" to live their own lives/go away from me and it doesn't mean they are taking part of me with them. I cannot be "divided" that way, I will stay together. I don't need to either panic or protest/get angry.

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But...."Stay together"? without somebody else there is no me...its the weirdest thing...there is no me...maybe that is why I freak so much when someone leaves. I hate being alone, and except for kickboxing, anything important I've ever done was for someone else or to please someone else, to get attention in a way...got a whole %#@&#! masters degree to impress a boyfriend...*sigh* and now I dont even know if Ilike men...see what I mean..I cant even pick a sexual orientation..there is no ME. ugh.

Borderlineis so not fun.

[sunrise]

I think anyone who has repeated abandonings in the past would feel this way. I am not borderline, but definitely feel this way. I have a hard time getting close to people or trusting them, because I am afraid they will abandon me if I let them in. It's happened in the past, so I generalize to the present. I think this is pretty common. I work to overcome this in therapy.

Oh boy do i ever get where you are coming from..

I suffer from this problem too, I always think the worst and I have had situations in the past where I was abandoned.

It sucks, its no fun at all to constantly wonder if people are going to break off their relationships with you, be it friendships or otherwise.

You are definetly not alone on this account.

[Direction]

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Rainbowzz said:
It sucks, its no fun at all to constantly wonder if people are going to break off their relationships with you, be it friendships or otherwise.

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Agreed...

oh boy do i relate to this subject. i feel it right now at pc and at home. i feel it everyday and get anxious over it. i feel i'm not good enough to be loved or have friends who will last when they get to know me. big problem with this right now, strange i came across this post.

thanks for advice and thanks for posting this

jinny

[PetulantWolf]

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jinnyann said:
i feel i'm not good enough to be loved or have friends who will last when they get to know me. .

jinny

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I wish there was something I could do for you, Jinny. Iknow how bad this feels. And I hate to be alone. Some people dont mind being alone but I cant tolerate it. My boyfriend dumped me and I think its more than I can handle. ANd now he's toying with me. I think. I would know if I wasnt BPD I guess. I dont know what to make of it. If Gd isout there why would she create me needing to be around people so much and at the same time so utterly incapable of it.

This has turned into a rant, hasnt it? Ooopsies. Sorry.