[AlteredState01]

Everything is a trigger, especially when I am stressed. AND I AM SO STRESSED.

I am waiting on someone. Waiting to find out the fate of my future.

I am trying to be patient. I understand that everyone needs their time and their space to make important decisions and I am desperately trying to allow this to happen.

But my illness-related behaviours are beginning to bubble to the surface and I find that it is becoming increasingly difficult to control them.

I feel the dissociative state beginning to take over. Once this happens, I no longer care about anything - the situation that caused it; the consequences of my behaviours; nor the people who will be affected by it. In other words, I feel the need to destroy the problem that is causing this. If that means going to extremes, then so be it. Whatever works, right?

I cannot talk to anyone IRL - no one understands!!!

The worst thing is I cannot make them understand. I try to explain, but nothing makes sense to anyone but me! And the patronizing I get from family (although I know they mean well) just makes it that much more difficult to remain in control.

I am so lost and confused! And I am running out of patience!

[AlteredState01]

Oh, yay! Sooo many that understand!!

[Perna]

Altered, can you change focus at all and NOT be waiting on someone (but make them wait on you?). Instead of just wanting that one thing, back up a little and want all the other stuff you have in you to want and pick another thing to persue for a bit and make the person you're waiting on come to you and wait on you to be finished with another thing.

[_Hope_]

I know the feeling , please come here and post , or go into chat or even PM me , get everything out here so you can deal better with real life

[RiverX]

Yep, I sure as hell know what you're talking about. </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Once this happens, I no longer care about anything - the situation that caused it; the consequences of my behaviours; nor the people who will be affected by it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
When I get triggered I get a chemical reaction that alters my thinking and hijacks my motivation - against myself.
that may not be identical to yours, but I do share the experience, once triggered, I see it as its like the alcy who's taken the first drink.
At present, I feel sad, alone, but not triggered, thank God. Well done for sharing, do you find that talking about it helps to relieve? Let me know if I can help at all any.

riverx

I'm back here after going into exile very painfully from here.

[Rapunzel]

AS, how would you like us to help you with this? Your post describes your distress pretty well, but doesn't say what you are looking for from us. Do you just want to know that someone can understand? Are you hoping for some strategies or solutions?

When you dissociate, do you know how long you stay in that state? A lot of us use that method of temporarily escaping from our problems, or from situations that scare us. Speaking for myself, I'm generally comfortable when I'm dissociating. I have done it all my life and it is familiar. It's hard work to notice when I'm there and do anything about it. My T asked me to practice looking at what triggers my dissociation, or in other words, what I am afraid of when I dissociate. Sometimes it's not so easy to figure out. Maybe you could try that too. Do you know what you are afraid of? It might not be what you think at first.

Rap

[AlteredState01]

Sure would like to respond, but all I can hear in my head is screaming - no words - just screaming! Been like that for a few days.

I'll try again, tomorrow...

(((((((((AS))))))))))

screaming with you

Jin

[AlteredState01]

Thanks, jinnyann, but I doubt I'll be able to hear you...

[Mouse_]

AS, I have a situation going on right now similar to what you are talking about and I feel myself slipping into hell...I want to destroy also, want to set it alight and jump all over it! how dare they!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel very small and very afraid and very confused and am hurting like hell right now!...the world is becoming unclear, the echoes of the past are calling me...my focus has gone....I am turinng into a monster as I type or is it what is happening is monsterous? arrrrgghhh get me out of here I am sick and tired of waiting on people!

[Mouse_]

If I prayed I'd pray for the strenght and courage to finally put this maddness to rest!

[AlteredState01]

Still screaming...

[Lennie]

I can relate to how you feel It will pass, but I know how awful it feels right now. Hang in there and please keep in touch.