[adeline]

Hi, I'm a returning member. About a month ago I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and though I've read a lot about it, I'm still in shock/disbelief a bit.

I'd like to be able to hear others experiences with BPD and dependent personality disorder (one doctor told me I might have the former instead of the latter).

I've been in psychotherapy since I was 4, when I was diagnosed with PTSD and control issues. I was COMPLETELY emotionally unstable throughout childhood, then very irritable, depressive, destructive, etc. In the past 3 years I was diagnosed with dysthymia, bipolar, ADHD, Bulimia, and OCD. I never completely identified with the bipolar diagnosis, and really feel like the BPD diagnosis fits a lot better.

My one main question out of all of this is does anyone with BPD ever find that they compulsively feel the need to tell people they love/care deeply about their imperfections, or other things that would push them away from you? I went through a period where I "had" to tell my boyfriend about every imperfection he had; then another where I "had" to tell him every other guy I was attracted to -- even his friends. He hated it, and kept asking me why I was doing it, but all I could say was that I had to, if I didn't it would eat away at me. It hasn't stopped, I have a new obsession now. I feel like my mind is torturing me. I love him so much, the last thing I want to do is push him away. Is this just a weird mix of OCD and BPD or does everyone get this?!

Thanks in Advanced! I'm so confused.

Jessie

[AlteredState01]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
My one main question out of all of this is does anyone with BPD ever find that they compulsively feel the need to tell people they love/care deeply about their imperfections, or other things that would push them away from you?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

YUP! I did. Still do. It's like I have to warn them about what they are about to experience. But do they ever listen? NO!!

While I have learned to be a little more discreet overall, my actions generally give me away in time.

For instance, after a certain period of time, I have found that my b/f (all of them, not just a particular one) no longer appear to be as attracted to me as when we first met (which is normal; I do the same). However, I still have this need to be "desired" and I begin to flirt.

My flirting is NOT a desire to provoke jealousy (I HATE jealousy). It is just an obsessive desire I have to be noticed.

Hope this helps!

[AlteredState01]

Am I really the only Borderline here?

[krazibean]

i was diagnosed with BPD too. and yes, i can identify with your question. its that "i hate you, don't leave me" thinking.

[Susan27]

i'm not sure how to put into words my bpd traits. they were much much worse when i was younger. i've read in a few places that the symptoms tend to settle down as we get older. the attention seeking behaviours have gone way down but the desire to be noticed and paid attention to feels like it's just laying there dormant and was replaced by a long wave of depression...most likely because i turned 40 and don't have the youth and better looks that i did when i was younger.

i've done all those things you mentioned to an extreme. cheating was a big one just to get more "love". one didn't feel like enough but i didn't want to lose them...just feed my desire to feel loved.

it always ended badly. no one put up with it for too long or i moved on to my next one and "jumped ship" before they could leave me.

ohhhhhhh the horrors of loving with this!!!!!

[Susan27]

oh and another confession...i would always put that person downn or do things to hurt them because i believed if they were wounded no one else would want them and i wouldn't be as likely to lose them. i hate confessing that...sounds sick but it's the truth.

i always had to feel "better" than that person and make sure they knew all their (multiple) faults...i think it was my attempt to think i had control and keep them in love with me. it usually backfired as i got older.

it's been a reallllllllllllllly tough illness to live with. did i emphasize really enough???

[Lennie]

I was diagnosed with BPD just under a year ago. The past year has been very difficult and bewildering....for many reasons as I'm sure fellow BPD sufferers can understand. It is such a complex illness that I don't really want to say anything to confuse or interfere. But I will offer some friendly advice.......
please try really hard to trust your professional carers as they have an impartial view of your illness and only say and do things to make you feel better. And please don't do what I have done for the past twenty years - don't bottle things up!! Talk about it to people you can trust, like your professional carers, and remember that it is an illness that can improve with the correct therapy and support.
Finally conscentrate on plenty of self care whenever you can, just do whatever you can do that is positive to get yourself through each hour and make every day as happy and bearable as possible.
Take care