[SystemAurora]

Hi,

I was just wondering what the "bottom line" for BPD is-- like, I know anxiety is basically worry, OCD is obsession or compulsions, Panic disorder is panic attacks.... but what is BPD? What would you say the biggest defining feature of Borderline-ism is?

Attachment and abandonment issues? Moodiness and "drama" in relationships? Something else entirely?

I was diagnosed with BPD but I really think they missed the mark... I'm not sure it's a right dx at all. I just want input on it.

Thanks so much!

[pachyderm]

As far a symptoms are concerned, I think an always unstable emotional state is the most characteristic. To me, borderline hints at being near a border, near a place where you can quickly go from one state to another. As to causes, I think probably being brought up in an atmosphere that was itself unstable, always on the edge of crisis. In such an atmosphere there is no chance to develop what they call "self-regulation" or self-soothing. In a family where every stumble is seen as a moral outrage, nothing is ever quiet; life is always charged with a feeling of danger. One always has to be prepared for an instantaneous response, to be on a hair trigger basis. Very much on a "war" footing.

[confusedgurl08]

Very well put Pachyderm. That is better than i could explain it. I too have BPD. And my family life was exactly how Pachyderm explained. I do a workbook suggested by my therapist, The Dialectical Behavioral therapy workbook, which helps me to regulate my emotions and find triggers and Healthier ways of dealing with my pain.

[SystemAurora]

thanks for the replies! Would you say that someone could be borderline even if they're a very calm, level-headed, and relaxed until something stressful comes up? I never feel like I'm "on the border" as you described, but when something does come up (usually when I get in trouble with an authority figure) I can overreact and start crying and think I've messed everything up and not want to go back and deal with things.

[Loimu]

Do you know how borderline differs from bipolar? I mean based on the symptoms?

[pachyderm]

Bipolar means (as I understand it) an oscillation from depression to mania. I think the transitions typically take days. It seems to me that some mental/emotional system is trying to achieve balance but is not succeeding, and is trapped into keeping going from one extreme to another and back.

That seems to me to be different from "borderline personality disorder" where one is apt to go from one emotional state to another very rapidly (seconds or minutes). The instability is in a way more extreme.

Actaully, that is not 100% correct.

Rapid-cycling Bipolar can change moods during the day. Similar to Borderlines. Traditional Bipolar 1 moods occur over weeks to months. Bipolar 2 is usually daily or weekly.

The MAIN difference is that Borderlines have an intense fear of abandonment. Bipolars do not.

Additionally, Borderlines use a primitive defense mechanism called splitting ~ all good and all bad. Bipolars do not.

Otherwise many of the symptoms are similar.

[SystemAurora]

Could you please explain or find links to help me understand splitting a bit more? When I was younger (16) the world was all black or white-- abortion is ALWAYS wrong or if someone talks about me behind my back they're EVIL AND NOT MY FRIEND, lol, but three years later I really only take stress to an extreme and think people hate me if they seem upset with me. Would that be splitting or no? Sorry, I don't 100% get the concept, I'd appreciate help.

Could someone be borderline and not care one way or the other about abandonment? Obviously no one wants friends to leave or whatever, but could someone who doesn't even think about being "abandoned" be diagnosed with BPD?

Thanks!

[confusedgurl08]

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SystemAurora said:
Would you say that someone could be borderline even if they're a very calm, level-headed, and relaxed until something stressful comes up?

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Yes, There is actually Borderline Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality traits as my book,as well as my therapist has said. I am the exact way that you described. I am very calm and friends with everyone. But if something happens I get hurt so easily and cry a lot. I often think a person loves me one minute and hates me the next. It is very confusing. And I always blame myself for everything. I wonder what i did wrong. With my Therapy, as well as my medication I am doing a lot better now. (still have a lot to improve on though) Hope this helps.

When we are younger, we do see things in all black and white..all good or bad. As we develop properally, we learn to see the shades of gray and understand that people are not all good or all bad. We learn to "remember" a mix of behaviors that a person has, so if they do something "bad", we can still remember the "good."

In splitting, what happens is a person generally sees someone in an idealized position, nothing is wrong with that person. If the person does one thing that upsets the Borderline, usually related to a perceived abandonment, that person becomes all bad. The borderline can not "recall" previous good experiences with that person. In the splitting, the borderline relates to people as they last remembered them, which is usualy idealized or devalued. Borderlines can not hold onto mixed memories.

Scientists would probably tell you that a person can NOT be Borderline without displaying a fear of abandonment. Now, there are various levels of this fear. For example, in therapy, some borderlines will become suicidal at the thought of their therapist going on vacation, whereas other Borderlines might act-out as a two year old with a tantrum, whereas another Borderline might miss appointments.

Hope this helps.

[SystemAurora]

Thanks so much for the answers! My T dx'ed me as borderline, but honestly I don't have abandonment issues-- I just tend to react to stress and conflict the way confusedgurl08 does, but even that has been improving over the years. But lol, I can't really imagine me reacting like that to fearing abandonment... sometimes I don't want to see someone before they leave, because it will make me sad, but... I don't think I've ever reacted quite like that before. Actually, I'm usually the strong one when I'm separated from people, especially my boyfriend. *scratches head*

I think most of my issues are just growing up issues... as I get older they seem to be getting better on their own, so I think it's ridiculous to diagnose someone with borderline PD before they're fully developed... would anyone agree?

I don't know how old you are, but personality disorders should not be diagnosed until someone is an adult. For obvious reasons, you are still growing and your personality is still developing.

There are some "similar" disorders that are diagnosed in kids such as conduct disorder and oppositional disorder. Some believe that these disorders are developing personality disorders. However, they are usually more related to Reactive Attachment Disorder and Attachment issues.

If someone diagnosed you as BPD and you are younger than 21, I would get a new doctor.

[Fuzzybear]

Probably abandonment and attachment issues imo

[SystemAurora]

Thanks. I am 19 (just turned). I left the counselors (two of them together) who diagnosed me with bpd and am going to talk to my gp about OCD and panic disorder, which are the two big ones I really think I have!

I'm not sure about a diagnosis, but I'm really interested in finding out more about why many of us are intolerant of other's anger. I haven't found much information on it. Good luck to you!

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Soliaree said:
I'm not sure about a diagnosis, but I'm really interested in finding out more about why many of us are intolerant of other's anger. I haven't found much information on it. Good luck to you!

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I am guessing that it has to do with our early experiences where anger = violence or anger = pain/abandoment.
Since in our "minds" these are equated, when someone gets angry at us, we think we are going to get hurt or left.

While intellectually it seems obvious, feeling wise it is not.

I don't think there is one. The disorder manifests itself differently for everyone. I am in a group for women with BPD and my "cue" characteristic is impulsivity and self-destructive behaviors, whereas for other woman in the group, it is not. Some women deal with the abdanment issue (although I do) much more heavily than I do.

Everyone ended up with the disorder differently. Everyone was raised in a different environment. Therefore, I don't believe you can place one symptom or characteristic as the "cue" for the disorder.

[donut_61]

It took me a while to figure it out, but for my H who is dBPD, the fear of abandonment came in ways I didn't understand. If I made a statement about....say, the car payment. If I then said, "What do you think?" He would erupt. I didn't understand at the time that he was afraid his answer would be wrong and then I would leave him because he couldn't even give me the right answers. His mind works so differently. It is hard for me to understand.