[Fuzzybear]

what is one unhealthy defense mechanism, addiction or habit you are working to change?

[VoNPD]

Hiding.

I actively kick myself out of the house and into the public... trembling and loathing it all. Sometimes successful, sometimes not. But I give myself credit for trying even when I fail.

[Perna]

I don't think of defense mechanisms as being "bad". They helped me and it's another indication that I'm doing the best I can to take care of myself.

I use my stronger ones. Like it sounds like VoNPD does, I put myself out even when I don't feel like it. My self-defense is so strong that I can close up faster than anything bad can happen to me so I use that to explore scary things, relying on "myself" to close up and protect me as in the past if it's truly a problem for me but to check things out as well as I can first if nothing "jumps out at me" The more experience I have where things don't go wrong, the fewer I will have had where they did or I was afraid they would.

[RozG]

withdrawal and avoidance which always eventually leads to going into "shut-down".

i am aggressive when i am hurting. i am working hard to change that jinnyann xxxx

[Fuzzybear]

[Fuzzybear]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jinnyann said:
i am aggressive when i am hurting. i am working hard to change that jinnyann xxxx

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That is unfortunately a common defense mechanism.

I also am working on that.

I applaud you for being brave, honest and insightful enough to share.

The first step to change is awareness ((((((((((((( Jinny )))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
VoNPD said:
Hiding.

I actively kick myself out of the house and into the public... trembling and loathing it all. Sometimes successful, sometimes not. But I give myself credit for trying even when I fail.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Another I'm working on. Thanks for sharing (((((((((((( VoNPD )))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perna said:
I don't think of defense mechanisms as being "bad". They helped me and it's another indication that I'm doing the best I can to take care of myself.

I use my stronger ones. Like it sounds like VoNPD does, I put myself out even when I don't feel like it. My self-defense is so strong that I can close up faster than anything bad can happen to me so I use that to explore scary things, relying on "myself" to close up and protect me as in the past if it's truly a problem for me but to check things out as well as I can first if nothing "jumps out at me" The more experience I have where things don't go wrong, the fewer I will have had where they did or I was afraid they would.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

(((((((((((( Perna )))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
RozG said:

withdrawal and avoidance which always eventually leads to going into "shut-down".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

((((((((((((((( Roz )))))))))))))))

[Zenobia]

I am working on not closing myself off from people because of my fear that they will think I am bad. In otherwords I am working on being open enough to make friends.
Zen

[Fuzzybear]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Zenobia said:
I am working on not closing myself off from people because of my fear that they will think I am bad. In otherwords I am working on being open enough to make friends.
Zen

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

(((((((((((( Zenobia ))))))))))))
Good to hear from you again and hope you keep posting and sharing

[purplebutterfly]

I usually shut people out, which i try not to do but it happens.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( purplebutterfly )))))))))))))))

[KMFDM]

The human psych is so flawed and pathetic. So many of our natural defence mechanisms are "bad". Lets take a look at one of the most gritty of them all; denial. How would the world be today if we all used intellectualization rather than sticking our heads in the sand?

[MyBestKids2]

I am working on talking to my alcoholic husband more who calls me a "stoner" because I take psych meds....

[Fuzzybear]

what a sweetie hubby sounds.......not

((((((((((((zenobia))))))))))))))

good luck sweetie, i am working on not being aggressive or withdrawing, although i have stayed away from everyone today ..... i know when i am going into defence when i feel like a small child again and not wanting to take responsibility for anything.

wishing you well, Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxo

[pachyderm]

I am working on not automatically denying and suppressing my actual feelings and thoughts. All of them. This includes things like being aware that I am afraid. These are not easy to keep in mind for me, since my mother hated "weakness" in her children and to admit weakness (fear) brings to mind how dangerous this seems to me. Just to see such feelings and hold them in my mind and not shut them out is a major advance for me.

I can do it some of the time. Increasing lengths of time.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( pachy ))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))))

[VoNPD]

((((way to go Pachy!!!)))))

That's something I need to work on for the same reasons.

[nightbird]

me too.

I am working on accepting inclusion and receiving positive feedback from people IRL.

When someone says 'I want you to be there' or 'come along' or 'come over' I do now without first thinking that I will be judged or that they want me only for what I can do for them. It's an 'old family thing' I'm working on getting over.

I have my depression still going on, but I don't use it as an excuse not to continue to change things to improve my life ... because I have hope that someday this veil of depression will be lifted and - you know - I'll see things clear and in high definition!

love and peace,
night

(another great helpful thread for all of us, thanks fuzzy xo)

[Rapunzel]

I guess mine fits here along with the rest. I sabotage myself and set up a paradigm that allows me to assign the responsibility for my failure to other people, in order to avoid taking responsibility for my own failure or success. I do this in order to preserve the little self-esteem that I have.

T is good. I keep telling her I keep doing things like pushing myself hard and not getting anything done and thinking that everybody must hate me for being so worthless. I couldn't figure out why I do it, and keep saying that I should stop doing that. I'm supposed to be the behaviorist - that's what my job is. A primary assumption is that all behavior has a functional purpose. When it comes to my own behavior, T keeps having to remind me of that, because I'm just trying to beat the ineffective behavior out of myself and it doesn't work.

I'm afraid to take the chance on success or failure because failing again would prove my worthlessness, and I can't afford to lose any more self-esteem.

So the strategy is to set up small successes that are a pretty safe bet, and then require acceptance of responsibility for them. And I proposed getting all of my work finished by the end of the month. Too big! So, instead, my assignment is to recognize when I help someone feel better. I always try to discount it. I have to watch out for that.

I'm scared.

Fuzzy, are you volunteering to help us work on these defense mechanisms? (or whatever you want to call them - in psychodynamic, cognitive, or behavioral terms, it's still all the same thing, isn't it?) If you are, I could use a little help.

[pachyderm]

(((((Rapunzel)))))