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  #1  
Old Nov 08, 2009, 09:17 PM
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zooropa zooropa is offline
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I don't actually know if this post belongs here or in the psychotherapy forum or what, but:

I've been seeing my T weekly for a year now. She's primarily a dbt therapist & in that time we've been working on the dbt skills & dealing with crises & whatever, but not started doing any trauma work.

I have one more year to work with this T who I have come to trust more than any other T I have ever had. I have a lot of trauma to work through. She has said that we will spend this year doing the trauma work, but then week after week, we keep not doing it. Is she waiting for ME to bring it up? Or does she think I'm not ready yet?

I'm scared as hell to start talking about this stuff, some of it I've never said out loud, ever. EVER. I don't even know if I can, but I know I have to. But I'm so scared, I will probably never be the one to broach the subject if she doesn't do it first. Will we waste the next year, both of us thinking about what we need to be talking about, both of us waiting for the other to bring it up?

I'm just so tired of carrying all of this all alone for all this time. I want to share it with someone. And I understand why nobody wants to share this burden, who would? But if T won't, nobody ever will. If I can't open up to her, I will not ever have a chance to share this burden, and I can't keep carrying it, it's splitting me apart.

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  #2  
Old Nov 08, 2009, 09:31 PM
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googley googley is offline
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Your T may be waiting for you to bring it up. I know my T wouldn't bring up really hard topics like that. Instead she would wait for me to bring them up. Assuming that if I'm not ready to talk about it I wont bring it up. If you are not comfortable bringing it up for talking about, you could bring up that you haven't been talking about it to see if your T is not willing to bring it up unless you do. Good luck.
  #3  
Old Nov 08, 2009, 11:44 PM
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zooropa zooropa is offline
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that's a good idea, I know I'm not brave enough to just say "I want to start talking about ____ " but I could probably ask her when we ARE going to start, or tell her that I've been thinking about it & wondering or something.
thank you!
  #4  
Old Nov 09, 2009, 12:38 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa View Post
I know I'm not brave enough to just say "I want to start talking about ____ "
Bringing this up is you just meeting your needs. Meeting your needs is a good skill to have. Being able to bring things up in therapy is also about your empowerment which is also a good thing to develop...........
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

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  #5  
Old Nov 09, 2009, 08:52 PM
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zooropa zooropa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
Bringing this up is you just meeting your needs. Meeting your needs is a good skill to have. Being able to bring things up in therapy is also about your empowerment which is also a good thing to develop...........
I get that, but at the same time this is one of those things that is so huge, I know I NEED to deal with these trauma issues from my past but at the same time I don't necessarily WANT to, you know? So in the moment, if I can deflect the attention & talk about something else, I probably will. And just keep hoping someday I will be brave enough to look at that dark, dirty place and start letting the light in there.
  #6  
Old Nov 09, 2009, 09:35 PM
moonrise moonrise is offline
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I've BTDT. It's a hard place to be.

What I did was tell my T something like this: "There's something on my mind, that I feel like I need to talk about, but I'm really scared to". That opens the door for dialogue, and lets her know that you ARE afraid, but you do want to talk about it.

Good luck! I think it's good that you're trying to take charge of your therapy journey.
Thanks for this!
WePow
  #7  
Old Nov 10, 2009, 09:50 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa View Post
I know I NEED to deal with these trauma issues from my past but at the same time I don't necessarily WANT to, you know? So in the moment, if I can deflect the attention & talk about something else, I probably will. And just keep hoping someday I will be brave enough to look at that dark, dirty place and start letting the light in there.
So you are meeting your needs here then, your need to not address these issues. So do you have a plan yet?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #8  
Old Nov 10, 2009, 01:52 PM
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zooropa zooropa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
So you are meeting your needs here then, your need to not address these issues. So do you have a plan yet?
a plan for how to address this w/T, or
  #9  
Old Nov 10, 2009, 02:59 PM
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WePow WePow is offline
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Doing the actual trauma work for me is the hardest thing I have ever done. That is after boing in therapy for 5 yrs about 12 yrs ago. I did no trauma work at that time - just let T know enough to be able to address my issues right then and there - like being sure I was safe and able to finish college. For the past 10 yrs I have been able to maintain a stable existance without a T and without many problems from the DID or the past.

Then one day I was triggered in a bad way by the smell of my new car - who would have thunked that! :-) But work was stressful anyway. And I ended up needing to find a new T. Found one and my soul decided that NOW was when it wanted to do the trauma work.

Sometimes we do not choose when to start our trauma work. Sometimes it decides that it is time. We have to be sensitive to our insides and be ready to do it when it is right for the whole body, mind, and heart. Then we have to be honest with our T and let them know what we need when we need it.

Safe hugs to you!!!!
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  #10  
Old Nov 10, 2009, 03:46 PM
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zooropa zooropa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wpowers View Post

Sometimes we do not choose when to start our trauma work. Sometimes it decides that it is time. We have to be sensitive to our insides and be ready to do it when it is right for the whole body, mind, and heart. Then we have to be honest with our T and let them know what we need when we need it.

Safe hugs to you!!!!
thank you! This was really validating for me. I have been avoiding dealing w/this stuff for most of my adult life, and have been able to keep it pretty well bottled up and buried for most of that time.

Then, last summer, I had an experience similar to yours where I was triggered by something, had a flashback more intense than anything I had ever experienced before, and I have felt since then that something inside me broke open that day. I haven't been able to suppress my PTSD symptoms very well at all since then, and have been flooded with new memories sometimes daily.

I still don't know what happened that day, exactly, and have gone through a lot of anger at not being able to make myself "forget" my dreams & flashbacks immediately the way I always had before. But I have come to realize that something inside me, the girl that has been sitting alone with this for all these years & decades, is refusing to be ignored any longer.

It is terrifying, but I also know that if I want to truly have a better life, a "life worth living", I have to walk through this.

It feels really good to say that. thank you!!
Thanks for this!
Sannah
  #11  
Old Nov 11, 2009, 01:28 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa View Post
a plan for how to address this w/T, or
Yes, or not address it, whatever your plan is.............
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #12  
Old Nov 11, 2009, 02:36 PM
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zooropa zooropa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
Yes, or not address it, whatever your plan is.............
I talked to T today on the phone briefly & asked her if I would ever be free of the nightmares. She said yes, once I've done the work of processing the trauma & the grief work associated with it, that's when the nightmares will go away. And then she said she has "absolute confidence that we can go through this, we'll get through this work together". I feel a lot better about it now & know that she knows how important it is to me, how I have to do this in order to move ahead with my life.
thanks for listening
  #13  
Old Nov 11, 2009, 03:01 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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What a great outcome! Please keep us posted. And you are so very welcome...........
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
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