[amante]

I'm new to posting but wanted to share my story and see if anyone else has experienced anything similar.
I was diagnosed with PTSD, Depression, Anxiety and Insomnia after a routine hernia surgery I had went wrong and I was butchered by the dr. and implanted with a recalled medical product. I have suffered for 3 years struggling very much to function daily. I became totally disabled because of it. I have 3 young boys. I take and have taken lots of medications to help the condition. Most days I battle to just get through the day, I have a very support husband, and we are in the middle of a big lawsuit where we are going to trial in April. I just want my litigation to be over, and no matter how the case is settled, I'll still be left with my diagnosis which is crippling. My T is testifying in court on my behalf. I feel like I fail my children (youngest is 3) every day. I just want to wake up and feel normal again, but part of me knows that I will never be normal again. I'm glad I found the forum and hope to lean on it. I'm a nervous anxious wreck at the thought of going to trial where I have to relive the whole nightmare again in front of lawyers, judge and jury. anyone else in a similar situation as a result of a injury? Amanda

[lynn P.]

(((Amanda))) - I'm so sorry you're suffering from medical negligence. I know it must be so difficult going to trial but you're doing the right thing and I hope you get the highest amount in settlement. Try to hang in there and I'll pray for you, that you'll have the strength to testify. I know the money can't make up for what you've been through but you deserve to have it.

[darkrunner]

Amanda,
Welcome to PC!

I hope you find the support you are looking for.

I'm sorry about what happened to you.
It's sounds awful. Try not to be hard on yourself. I'm sure you are doing everything you can for your children. They are lucky to have a mom who cares so much.
I am potentially facing litigation for my situation (unless we can reach a settlement soon), so I understand your anxiety about it. But you are doing the right thing and your strength in pursuing it will prevent it from happening to someone else. You should be proud of yourself.

[Ascension]

I am sorry that you have gone through such a traumatic medical experience and it is sad that it wasn't just on one occasion but I hope you don't identify yourself too much with the physical trauma of all this. You are a strong person to have made it this far. Also take the opportunity to go into court not to condemn the doctor(s) because then it becomes about them and it should be about you. You deserve to be compensated. You deserve to be heard and the pain that you experienced needs to be expressed. I also hope that you can learn to forgive. Not for their sake but for yours. I know all these things are hard to do when you have been so hurt by all of this but I think it will help you heal. My hope and well wishes are with you and your loved ones as you begin the healing process and most importantly allow yourself to feel your way through this. Don't feel bad or shameful for being so hurt that you need your time to heal. You are worth it and time will show that to be true I am sure. Good luck and reach out if you need it.

[amante]

Thanks Lyn and Darkrunner. your kind words are touching.

I wish I'd have found this forum 3 years ago, but it's good that I've found it now.

Any settlement could never be enough for suffering with the mental end of it all. The funny thing is, the surgery is easier than dealing with lawyers. The hardest thing is being judged by people, losing friends over it and everyday people not understanding what you are going through.

Have either of you completely let yourself go? I can barely shower daily, don't wear makeup anymore, I feel 60 and I'm only 42. This has aged me so much.

[amante]

Thanks Ascension for your kind and very comforting words,
your words are so right, right now I still harbor lots of ill feelings of resentment and anger towards the surgeon that did this. I know that I still have sooooo much T ahead of me to the path to feeling healed. I am anxious about the court end of it, but also believe that my turn will come when I can voice how this has impacted our lives. you never go in for a simple surgery and think you'll come out of it with PTSD.

your post inspired me to fight on.

[lynn P.]

Trials are nasty and they try to wear people down. Don't let them them get to you and show them what that doctor did. You're not just doing this for you, but also to prevent this from happening again to someone else. You go girl, you can do this!!

[amante]

Thanks Lynn, I wish I could be holding your arm when I step into court.
great encouraging words, and it's true, I don't want anyone else to go through this.

how are you feeling today?
is it a good day or a rough one.

[lynn P.]

Thanks for your kind words ((Amante)). I'm well today thank you. How are you today? Do you live in the U.S.? I live in Canada and unfortunately our laws are a little different and we don't get as much in settlements like the U.S. and it also takes a long time, to finally go to trial.

[(JD)]

I'm glad you have the support system to go to court with...and much energy to you to do that. Yes, it will be terribly difficult, but it won't kill you...and if you take a note to read and remind yourself "it isn't happening now" you will get through it.
Remember, it's because it's so difficult that you need the settlement...if you were on the bench testifying and it was easy, ...well, you know...


I didn't have the support system you do, family, T. I was forced to settle for a pittance, which my then husband took and divorced me afterwards.
And yes, here I am 24 years later still disabled.

Trial is one of the toughest things to go through...but do it and be done. You will feel relief once it's all over in that respect.
PTSD is one of the most treatable disorders, though difficult. Having the court case and trial hanging over your head limits how much you can heal... until it's over.
Good wishes. Do your best.

[amante]

Lynn, Glad you are having a good day, I would love to visit Canada, we are upstate NY, so it would be an 8 hour drive or so. Once court is over with, I hope we can do some nice things like travel more. Today was a better day for me, I was able to dye my hair to cover the gray hairs.

Sky, your post was so uplifting for me to read, thank you for the energy and support you put into writing that for me. Your words rang so true about trial and going to court, that I feel that once the court end is over i can finally put that side of things behind me for good but for now it's like an open wound until that point. Things that I have to go through for court sting the wound, but it's all for the course I guess. I'm sorry that you are disabled and that your situation ended in divorce. Are you remarried now? I hope that you got to enjoy some of your settlement.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

in therapy they did something similar to my psyche. they kicked me while I was down.

Billi

[amante]

Billi,
I'm sorry that they kicked you while you were down. I hope that you are in a better place now and can heal from that.

[(JD)]

yvw

No, I haven't remarried.
Everyone in my life left after I was injured/disabled.
Even my dad (who has since passed) said Why don't you go ahead and settle so you can quit going to doctors? He didn't get it, at first.
My family bailed on me, as did my friends, and all my church acquaintances. I am JUST NOW working at creating new relationships. (24 years into it.)

One of the ongoing issues is having to deal with lawyers.
My own lawyer is paid by the opposition, and doesn't advocate for me.
She is denigrating and dismissive, and refuses to remember or understand most of the time.
I continue because I have no recourse.
It is my life, now, this chronic pain.

I wished to have gone to trial on my 3rd party suit, but my then-husband had the lawyer come over late at night and they forced a settlement under duress. The lawyer later declared to everyone but me that he didn't think I was hurt, and apologized to everyone BUT me, when he realized I really am...long after the forced settlement.

I have yet to have a hearing before the judge on my ongoing disability needs. This is a trick of the lawyers, to deny and delay...and then my attorney will agree to something without my consent and cancel the hearing scheduled etc. It takes maybe 8 months to get a hearing put onto the docket... it can truly drain you of any will to live.

I hope you can persevere.
I was being forced to settle my medical and pay, by my own attorney... for a pittance. I refused. She wouldn't listen. So before the "settlement" meeting, I took all my financials to my own CPA and had him figure what it takes for me to live, at full rate and with inflation. (You know, disability doesn't even pay what medicare pays for doctor's and medical, and when you pay it cash, you pay full rate etc.)
He computed, at that time, it would take 4 million dollars in the bank gaining interest for me to have enough to take care of my needs.
I went into the meeting, put a copy of his report down in front of both the attorneys, who's jaws dropped and then exclaimed, well I guess we won't be settling today.
They haven't broached the subject since, but getting them to meet my ongoing increasing needs is very difficult.

Ok, I rambled.
Keep your head up, realize that they will say all manner of lies about you. As long as your attorney knows when they are lying, and when it's important to correct it, let it go. It's part of the game they play.

[amante]

Sky,
It sounds like you have truly been to hell and back and you are still there. I can't imagine what you have gone through. I'm sorry that your family and friends dropped out of your life, that is what I am facing now with a couple of friends. unless you have walked in the shoes of depression, becoming disabled, PTSD, whatever the situation, it is sad when people give up on you. Sounds like you have certainly had your share of the lawyer nightmares. I really sympathize with you. I was about a year waiting for disability and to get in front of the judge when my appeal was denied. I don't know how I pulled through that year. I dismissed one lawyer that was working on the appeal and hired a local SS lawyer and within 3 months he had me in front of the judge and we won the appeal. We filed bankruptcy at the end of 2009, and life has been a real uphill battle since the medical error. I worked for a law firm for 7 years so I'm not shocked at the antics of lawyers and what they do and how they lie. My T. tells me to just let them do their job and to focus on healing and coping with my condition. But I am too nosy to keep from checking up on things. I'm probably a very annoying client to my lawyers. but heck, that's what they are getting their cut for, to deal with me. I hope you can gather all the strenght you need to persevere too with your case and settlement. No matter how much you come away with in the end, it can never be enough for living with a disability. I say god bless you and hang in there.