bad day

I think it's because I didn't get much sleep last night, but today I have been so easily triggered, it is ridiculous. I normally can hide it when I am triggered in front of people, and save my reactions for when I am alone. But today someone said the word "penetration," just the word, and I started to panic and cry right then and there and thought I was going to pass out. And I was at WORK. Way to give yourself away, jexa. I mean, what else would make a person freak out like that at just a word? Now the two people who saw me just HAVE to know that I have PTSD.. and could probably guess at what trauma I've been through, too. Oh yuck.

Right now it is raining outside my window and I keep jumping just from the rain hitting my window. A second ago when it thundered, I screamed and jumped out of my seat. I am so on edge. Worst of all, my boss keeps asking me if I'm okay. Obviously I am not handling things well right now

Hugs if okay. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard day. I wish that things were easier for you. Hopefully the thunder storm will move itself away quickly. Remember to breath. You can do it. You can't have more than a couple more hours left of work (and hopefully less) and then you can go home and do something nice and relaxing. Take care of yourself.

Oh, Jexa, I know exactly what you are describing. Those days are so hard.And once you get going, *everything* sets me off on those days.

I don't know if this is relevant to your situation, but in my experience people are far more oblivious than I give them credit for, and while they notice when I freak out, it's kind of bewildering to them and easily dismissed. People are often more worried about themselves and what's in their heads! But no matter what, I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Thanks guys. The storm passed and I was sort of okay. But I work in a psychological clinic and am applying to PhD programs in clinical psychology, so I actually do think people around here know when someone is triggered, and are perceptive enough to know what the trigger might have been. So, they probably know

After work, my good friend from work and I went out to grab some food. And I was in so much distress about today, I just needed to talk. So I started talking about how I don't think I can treat PTSD or even do assessments on people with PTSD because I just get too upset about things. She wasn't one of the people who saw me freak out. I was trying to tell her, no, I mean, I REALLY get upset about these things.. and finally I just spilled the beans and told her I have PTSD. She already knew about one thing that happened to me in my freshman year of college, only because it's the only way I can honestly explain to people why I left that school. But she didn't know I still had PTSD.

She's such a good friend, and she was trying to reassure me that she understands why I'm still messed up about things that happened, but in the process, she triggered me bigtime by saying, "Sex is so sensitive anyway. I mean, you're naked and vulnerable..." And I just lost it and started sobbing right in front of her. Wow.

I am so embarrassed.

Jexa-

I can relate. The beginning of August is a really tricky anniversary time for me,too. You know, it's not uncommon that those of us in the mental health field are dealing with our own trauma stuff- are you familiar with SAMSHA's initiative on trauma informed care that acknowledges high rates of trauma with both clients and staff? Learn more here:
http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/nctic/trauma.asp
Please remember to be gentle with yourself, give yourself credit and do something especially nurturing for you. I'll do the same, knowing there is at least one other person working on this right now, okay?

((((((((((((((((Jexa)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So sorry you are having a rough time. I understand.
I was working as a nurse, I was in Hospice. I was oncall and was givin a new patient to admit....it was my rapist. I freaked out in the office when I saw his name and I bolted for the door....hard to explain that one away.
I hope tomorrow is better for you....