What crazy things do we do to avoid the triggers?

H folks,

I've been wondering what things people do to avoid the triggers from an unhappy past. I have all sorts of avoidances - parts of the country, holiday destinations, genres of music, books - in fact anything at all that is to with my father and to a lesser extent my whole birth family.

This avoidance thing is a major project and no mistake! It's as if we want to rub out whole decades of our lives, tear out the pages and burn them. It's deep stuff.

Cheers, M

Hi Myzen! Well, until we can work through those triggers, we do avoid. It isn't the best way to deal with situations (one of the reasons my T wants me to keep posting on this site.... and sit through the rare attacks from snerts... when I would rather avoid them and not come here!)

Yes, there are plenty of things... me and storms... but there comes a time where avoidance isn't possible and neither is ignoring...and I'm stuck. TC

Hi Sky,

I totally agree, avoidance is not the answer. It's a trap; a false security. Having said that we don't have to burn ourselves either. IMHO that's a trap as well.

We learn to look after ourselves, just like the clever people do. We learn to stand up for ourselves, but to sidestep what we can't handle, to keep safe. Regular people have been shown how to do that from day one, it's the most important thing in life for them. They learn to avoid the crap.

I can go to my avoidance places if I have to, but I have to admit that I'd rather be eating peaches in the South of France!

Good thoughts, M

PS - Staying on this site has been important for me too, and meeting good people like you.

I was molested, raped, emotionally and physically abused from age 5 (that I know of , drawings and journal entries lead to much younger) until I was 29 by relatives, boyfiend, and I have no idea who else so in order for me to avoid every known trigger I would have to remain at home, shades drawn, doors locked, tv and radio off, and so on. and yea I tried that and it still didn't work for somethings so simple as washing the dishes would send me literally hiding underneath blankets in a closet. So when that didn't work I set to putting different coping tools in place for instance when riding the bus I have a walkman/headphones on blaring music of my choice, I sit at the front of the bus and under a speaker so that I can hear the driver call off the stops. I close my eyes and follow the music until I am where I need to be. You might say my music is permanently attatched to my hip. I carry a variety of music on 2 cassettes - side one just noraml songs I like to listen to, side 2 a relaxation cd called summer solitude, side three and 4 songs and voice recording of a past therapist directly related to calming me when I have flashbacks throughout the day. with these things in hand or rather in my case a back pack I can go anywhere and do anything I need to do.

I used to isolate myself. These days, I try to stay busy with productive things. I repainted much of the interior of the house. I am working on the outside of the house on days when it is not raining. I hack away at overgrown ivy and blackberries when I feel the anger and cortisol closing in on me. And I do a lot of writing. I sit down with a pen and a notebook and write everything from Harry Potter fanfic to short stories about the ironies of life or the little horrors within.

But on really overwhelming days... like yesterday and today, I isolate. I crawl into the corner and turn the music up loud... put on a video for the kids...

Today, I am baking bread... it is a pleasant and rewarding distraction. I learned how to grow a sourdough culture and I make sourdough bread. Sometimes I give away some loaves to friends.

Hi myself and obsids,

I would like to take the word 'crazy' out of the thread title. I was trying to be a little lighthearted about this hard subject, but the truth is there is nothing funny about triggers.

Myself - Your idea about the relaxation tape on a walkman is good, I'm going to try that. Obsids - Yes, we do isolate, but fortunately not every day!

Triggers - I think that triggers mean that part of our world is very bad, and we don't want to be reminded of that. But, our mind is still telling us that we are hurting, and keeps pointing to the bad place.

I don't think it's avoidance if we can find things in life that are positive for us, where we can have some good vibes and build up some good memories.

Yes, we do need to be able to face up to the bad place, but IMHO we don't have to live in it. That is the secret, to put those bad experiences to one side, but not try to deny them.

That's what I'm aiming at.

Good thoughts, M

Sex usually works for me....but so does cutting.