Do you avoid certain people?

Do you have anyone who keeps wanting to see you even though you keep telling them no? My sister is doing this. And I find I'm feeling powerless. She thinks of excuses that she has to see me and I feel like I can't keep her away.

If I tell her I just don't like her, she'll become a victim and spread it around to everyone we know what a meany I am. Then she'll call and talk to my husband, flattering him and flirting with him. And I won't be able to handle my anger.

It's really hard to feel ok about myself when everyone I know gets on her side.

You don't have to have an excuse, you can be "busy" and it's very impolite to ask what someone else's busi-ness is? A cold, "I'm sorry, I don't see that that's any of your business" and continual cold shoulder might get the message to her that you don't want to see her without your saying flat out that you don't like her.

Your husband isn't on your side about whether you see/like your sister or not?

I'm sure you have your reasons for why you don't want to talk to or see your sister and they're yours so if others want to think you a meany or something, let them? You don't have to apologize to anyone, least of all to someone who is obnoxiously trying to contact you when it's obvious you don't want contact with her.

I'm going to have to step out of my comfort zone to handle this kind of thing. I came to psychcentral because sometimes there's just no one who will validate me irl. It's really hard for me to feel ok about myself if I think no one likes me. So I've found ways to cope. One way is to avoid confrontation with my sister because she is vile to me when she doesn't get her way.

You sensed the problem is with my husband. But I don't want to get into that.

My heart always goes before my head. If someone needs help, I forget to think about the impact it will have on me.

hey you have your reason's, my husband and I avoid his sister for 2 yrs now, she lives in the same town and we tell people why we avoid her and once they have a reason they don't bother to ask anymore.

As for his sister we just tell her like it is, we can't be around her at this time we tell her she has to straiten out herself before she can be around us or our son, honesty I found is what worked for us....she tried phoning us or coming around and we either pretended we weren't home or told her we were busy but she also knew why and eventually she got the picture, you definitly cannot choose your family but it's your life and you do what fits yourself.

yes i avoid ppl, in laws as much as possible small doses are ok but if i vist them i come out very anxious, angry and the first thing i do when i get home is clean, i havent had to explain to them yet so no advice,

Had to distance myself from some family members. Just did it. No explaining would make sense to them but they were toxic to me--sorry, to protect myself they are gone.--Suzy

Thanks guys. I wish I had your chutzpah Perna.

Are you comfortable sharing why you avoid your sister? And have you discussed it with your sister? I'm wondering if she knows the anxiety you feel.

My mom is a huge anxiety source for me, so I am familiar with avoiding someone. Moving 80 miles from her several years ago helped immensely! Although this isn't a viable solution all the time. Still she continued to email, call, etc. It got to the point where I just told her openly and honestly, 'Mom, this is how I feel and I am not going to to continue to have contact with you.' Months went by with no contact and now I have very limited contact with her. She rarely ever calls and only emails occasionally.

I have a situation where me and two very close friends had a falling out close to my wedding and we both sweared we would never talk to eachother again. Well I am talking to one of them, and she keeps asking me if i would like to go to the club, or there b-day is coming up, would i like to join them. There were many reasons why our friendship ended, and i don't know how to say no in a stern way because im afraid to.

Doh...I think it's time to put yourself first for once. It's hard and you may step on some toes but it will be worth it in the end.

I had a relationship I had to end because they were sucking all the life out me. It was really terrible. It was hard and unfortunately I used just about every excuse in the book, but they eventually got the hint and stopped calling.
I hope things work out with you sooner than later, and your sis gets the hint too! Good Luck.

Yes, I have a neighbor whom I want to avoid but it's nearly impossible. It's hard, I know!

I avoid people if I consistently have drama with them... it makes my fibro worse anyways and the stress just isn't worth it.

I avoid those who have got that 'third zombie on the left in a scene from a George Romero movie' look about them'

On a more serious note i don't so much purposely avoid people as get a negative gut reaction about certain people and hope they do not cross my path too much.

Interesting about stress aggravating your fibro SystemAurora . I find that being stressed can produce a flu like effect in me as can, for some inexplicable reason, being caught out in the rain.
The stress- somatic reaction i can understand but feeling fluey because i've been out when it's raining( slightly feverish and achy ) tends to make me think i'm a bit weird.
Maybe because i've never come across anyone else saying they experience that kind of thing when caught out in the rain.

I hope this doesn't come across in the wrong way because I want you to do nothing more than what is right for you, but be careful how you deal with people. I have a lot of difficulties with my self-esteem and need validation as well and I would love to give you just that, but I wanted to give you a long-term perspective. I understand anxiety, I have ocd, gad and bipolar II and I'm very adept at the art of avoidance, but I also understand that people, situations, and how we view those situations change as we, and those around us, change and grow and possibly conquer our anxiety.

Far too many people do things with a finality that erases any chance of a change of heart or mind. She is your sister and someday when you are both old, gray, toothless, and feeling nostalgic you may want to get in touch with her, hey she's blood, and burning your bridges now may make that impossible later. What we are like now may not be what we are like later in life. I know that my illness has effected and hurt people in my life and some have written me off and it hurt a great deal. It is because of this that I refuse to cut someone out of my life completely and conclusively because I pray everyday that I don’t have to suffer that fate myself.

I'm not saying call her up, forgive her for whatever she has done, and become her best friend. It sounds like you need to avoid her for your sake and maybe smack your husband upside the head in the process. What I am suggesting is taking the most tactful route you can now so that if you need her to donate a kidney to you in 10 years you can still ask her. If nothing else she is a great resource for organ donations!

Oh, my problem is that I didn't want to be sneaked up on. And I didn't want to hurt her. I just need my solitude sometimes and some people don't understand nor respect that.

I finally emailed her that I just didn't have the energy to see her right now. She asked if there was anything she could do, which was nice. Problem solved. It just took a day of anxiety.

The problem was, as long as I was feeling powerless, I saw her as the enemy. Now I know that I want to maintain a friendship.

She has bpd and her manic stuff triggers my stuff.

Sadly, I avoid my mother. I did tell her many times what pain she caused me but she would act as if I had never spoken to her about the issues in question. I moved to go to graduate school and that has turned out to be a positive thing for me. I went through torment for many years and still have my bad days but for the most part I have learned to let go.

I'm avoiding my own daughter right now because she makes me feel uncomfortable and is a know it all when people have problems. I love her but don't like her right now!! Maybe that rings a bell with you. You are allowed!