[jasie]

Hi,

I came here a few times a long time ago but then I got overwhelmed and ran from all the issues and have been struggling with addiction lately. I was told I had complex ptsd and was doing emdr until the therapist grew concerned for my safety as I was getting too flooded and he feared suicide, or a hospitalization. I feel like a failure. I dont know or understand what is wrong with me that I cannot seem to get over the past. I have had addiction, self-injury , eating disorder, dissociation, night terrors , sleep walking, flashbacks, anxiety , etc I just feel like a failure and like there isnt any hope left. I am wondering if anyone with ptsd found a that emdr was too intense or if there was any particular kind of treatment that helped ?

thanks ,
jasie

[weordmyndum]

Jasie,

I'm amazed at how much you sound like me--I struggle with almost all the same issues you described from my complex PTSD. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I know it's miserable.

I did get some relief from EMDR. I had a good therapist who was really gentle and would stop immediately if I was feeling overwhelmed. Before I did ECT, I was never even able to acknowledge the abuse, let alone talk about it.

As for some of the associated symptoms, I've actually gotten a lot out of ECT, particularly for depression, suicidality, ED, and self-harm. I know it's extreme, and I wouldn't recommend it unless you've worn out all your med options, which was what happened to me--I've been on everything, and nothing worked. I really believe ECT has saved my life.

As far as talk therapy goes, I've gotten the most out of psychoanalytic/psychodynamic therapy. I have an EXCELLENT therapist who has a ton of experience working with people with trauma, and therapy with her is what keeps me going with at least some semblance of sanity.

This is just what's worked/working for me, and I certainly can't promise it would work the same for me. Mostly I wanted you to know you're not alone in what you're dealing with, and there is hope of things getting better.

Hi Jasie,

i wanted to recommend a couple books. The first is dealing with sexual trauma and is called "The Courage to Heal". The second is all about learning how to deal with trauma in general. It's called "Waking the Tiger" and is by Peter Levine. He's an amazing author and his premise is that trauma happens not when we fight or flight but when we freeze. So in order to heal from the trauma we need to dethaw and then work through it. Hope this helps. keep posting here.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

P.S. You sound eerily like me too!

[insightunseen]

so sorry for what you are going thru. you need some kind of "Brakes" that work to slow down your physiological response. i am a believer in SNRI's for PTSD as they work best on anxiety at 2 levels. then i agree that some regular talk therapy about your views of yourself and of life could help you get empowered more to address the trauma without drowning in symptoms.

i know what it is like to feel like you are in the fight of your life (for the SECOND time), and i also know that you can get to the other side as so many survivors have. you will persevere with good help and support, and then you will turn the corner. with trauma the recovery is not a gradual improvement over time like depression. it is hard work straight through until one day you know you've turned the corner. your energy improves, you begin to see a future again, you have fewer symptoms and they are briefer, and you can help others succeed as you have. you can do this, at your pace, and in your time. best to you.

[Nammu]

I too have complex PTSD, my personal way to deal, since childhood is to dissociate, anything else causes intense anxity. I don't react well to most medications, so my Pdoc just put me on a low dose of blood presure medication, it's working well so far. My anxity is staying low enough that my T and I can work on some things. It's hard, very hard. I have had serous food issues, physical problems, and I have moved and left everything behind, several times but it made no deference. Except that I had to start all over from the begining. New job, place to live, new clothes, funiture, it was a way of distracting myself so I didn't have time to think about anything except surviving. I really like this blood presure medication, it has helped the anxity a great deal but I can't say it it will be the anwser for you. I can say though you are not alone. This PC forum is a great place to get feedback and to find suport.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I think it might help to slow down the pace. I have never done EMDR, but I know when I try to fly through trauma processing, I get overwhelmed and want to flee. Slow and steady is what someone told me, and that helps to not feel so overwhelmed.