[Evening]

Now that I am seeing my therapist again to work on my stress and PTSD (like, actually WORK on it, not just sit there and talk), I've really been thinking about what I need to do to change things. I realise that not everybody knows I have PTSD, that includes a lot of my family. I tend to hide it, and when I do discuss it I feel like a bit of a tool. But because it took so long for me to be diagnosed, PTSD really shapes me as a person, and that includes the bad things like getting moody and snapping at people, and avoiding family parties.
I have THOUGHT about explaining it so they understand better, but I feel really uncomfortable and silly about it, I really just want to keep it to myself at the same time. When my cousin was diagnosed with BPD she gave my grandparents an information sheet on it that she got from a counselor. I thought about doing something like that, but I don't know.

So I would like to know, how have any of you explained PTSD to others? I have always found it hard, hence why I keep it to myself. People just don't seem to get it no matter how much I try. Or they say 'Oh the name says it all'. Uh no, it doesn't. If anyone has any advice it would be helpful.

[Open Eyes]

Hi Evening,

Well, I think it depends on the kind of relationships you have with those family members.

For me, my husband understands, but other family members don't really understand or maybe they just don't want to accept it or remember that,yes growing up was disfunctional in many ways for me, and for them.
Or even that, yes they were a victim of something that traumatized them.

But, to be honest I have found that others simply do not understand it.
I have even had a friend get angry with me and ask me how long I was going to luxuriate in it. So, I just don't call this friend and it did hurt when she said that. It is not that I chose to have this and I am working very hard to take time to look back and see the why's and release any shame
and be able to let it rest as a memory where the questions have been answered.

The begining of the process is to let it out and talk about it and even be able to express the emotions that result from it. As far as the moods and anger, well, yes that is a part of it. But, once you stop and address it, you can then realize the reasons for your current behavior and even sensitivities and work on changing that and feeling and being better, stronger and even accepting that no,you can not change it but you can live your life better.

What really matters is that YOU address it and that may mean that you may need to take time to yourself. It is YOU that has to heal, accept, and become a stronger more outgoing person, they have their own things that they have to work out.

So, you can come here and let things out because here people do understand and they support each other and help each other thru the tuff times that are a part of the stages of healing.

Open Eyes

[pgrundy]

My experience has been similar to what Open Eyes describes. My husband gets it and is supportive, but I find that most people don't what to know and a few people are openly hostile--as in, oh quit whining. From what I understand, that's what soldiers used to get too--the 'quit whining' thing.

I think it's just very threatening to most people. It makes them feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. They don't know what they're supposed to say, and they feel like now they know something about you that's too intimate, too disturbing--something they wish they didn't know.

But there's another dimension to it for me, one it took me awhile to appreciate. I came to understand over time that going into it with others didn't usually get me the support I wanted--it just put in me in the position of having to absorb THEIR extreme reactions and THEIR process, something I didn't necessarily want to do.

So I rarely talk about it now. I'm careful about who I disclose this to.

Good luck and all the best to you!

[Gilead]

Originally Posted by Evening

Now that I am seeing my therapist again to work on my stress and PTSD (like, actually WORK on it, not just sit there and talk), I've really been thinking about what I need to do to change things. I realise that not everybody knows I have PTSD, that includes a lot of my family. I tend to hide it, and when I do discuss it I feel like a bit of a tool. But because it took so long for me to be diagnosed, PTSD really shapes me as a person, and that includes the bad things like getting moody and snapping at people, and avoiding family parties.
I have THOUGHT about explaining it so they understand better, but I feel really uncomfortable and silly about it, I really just want to keep it to myself at the same time. When my cousin was diagnosed with BPD she gave my grandparents an information sheet on it that she got from a counselor. I thought about doing something like that, but I don't know.

So I would like to know, how have any of you explained PTSD to others? I have always found it hard, hence why I keep it to myself. People just don't seem to get it no matter how much I try. Or they say 'Oh the name says it all'. Uh no, it doesn't. If anyone has any advice it would be helpful.

Evening,

There was a link from the PTSD forum to some really good info a few months ago. It discussed things like unformed connections in our brains caused by traumatic events in childhood - was really pretty good and might help you find the context you're looking for in explaining the condition. I'll try to see if I can find it and post the link.

I used the info for me mostly but was able to explain to a few people the whys of me....

[Gilead]

Here is the link. Hope it gives you some more insight and ideas;

the article is at: http://www.traumacenter.org/products...ild_Trauma.pdf

[Evening]

Thanks, I'll read through that a bit later!
I was at my grandparents today and my grandmother said to me that my grandfather told her last night he's decided to stop making fun of me all the time. This is SUCH a relief for me because while my family have a very blunt dry humour, and we do make fun of each other and pretend to fight with each other, sometimes I just want to be left alone. My grandfather pays me out all the time, but he also says things with the intention of really pushing my buttons. he can make me feel really childish, and although I'm not in my 30s and married with kids, and I am only 23, I do live on my own, pay my own rent, bills, buy my own food, and at some point will need to be treated like an adult. But I can't be treated like a child and then be expected to act like an adult, and then treated like a child when I refer to myself AS an adult. So for him to say he will no longer make fun of me so much, if he holds his word, will be a huge weight off for me. And it also goes to show that they have acknowledged that I am making the effort to help myself, and in turn make things easier for others.

Having said that, one thing that really plagues me is guilt, when I think someone feels bad or embarrassed it gets me so down, so the thought that perhaps my grandfather might be embarrassed, that he might realise that he's upset me when he was joking and feels embarrassed about it, that makes me feel guilty.
Of course that is something I am going to have to work on.

[Open Eyes]

Hi Evening,
Well, you have to tell them just like you are telling us here. Hey, I know how hard it is. It does take time to figure PTSD out. You should thank your lucky stars that you are doing that now without having to do that with your own husband and family unit.

And I am glad you are thinking about being an adult as PTSD makes that hard sometimes, that means you are serious about getting a handle on it and moving forward in your life. And you can do it with time.

For me, Im older and I do struggle and wish I had the opportunity at your age to address it.

I don't think family members ever truely understand to be honest with you. I have tried to talk about it but they just don't understand how it really takes time and what it really means. Sometimes they look at it as if it is a cold that hangs on for a bit but eventually goes away with good food and rest. Well, if only that were true.

The feeling of embarrassment is part of PTSD. I wish that there was a special on it that I could have family watch that would help them to understand what happens to the victim of it.

One of the problems is that each person is a little different depending on what trauma they addressed and what age they were and so on.

Thanks Gilead for your post where you posted information on it. I read it last night but to be honest with you it did not explain me and my issues.
Therefore I was again left to wonder about why I am different in many ways. However I did see some possibilites or even explanations for the poor ability that I had paying attention in school and was often exhausted at school. I am still very troubled about how I seemed to be so far ahead in some ways.

Dont feel bad or embarrassed Evening. Just keep focusing on therapy and not on how others don't seem to understand it. Hey do we really understand it? No, we need guidance and an individual process to overcome it one step at a time. That is all you really need to think about.
Whenever you feel embarrassed just remember it is normal to PTSD and you are working on it for YOU and YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. And no, others are not going to really understand. But we do, here at PC, so your not alone.

Open Eyes

[insightunseen]

it's good to ask oneself "why am i telling people about my ptsd?"

if i am seeking understanding and empathy, i must choose people i tell carefully. if you have never been through trauma, you really don't even know what you don't know.

if i am seeking to explain my behavior to others, i want to be sure i am informing, not excusing.

if i am seeking to bring out the events that caused my ptsd, and it involves family, i had better do this in a controlled environment with a therapist. it is important that the revelation of ptsd has as little chance as possible of re-traumatizing if family react defensively.

just some thoughts. there could be many other reasons for wanting to start telling people about ptsd.

[Evening]

I'm seeking some understanding from certain people so they can understand why I act differently at certain times, e.g. go from being in a really good mood to instantly becoming really moody and intolerant without any reason noticeable to them (because something might trigger me and with milder triggers I tend to become really snotty if I can't get away from the situation), or not want to show up to family parties (because of the alcohol being a trigger). And so they, my grandfather at least, can realise that some of the remarks made at me (my grandfather intentionally making comments that he knows upsets me), really stress me out.
Perhaps if they are aware of some of the symptoms of PTSD they can say 'okay, that's why she did this, or acted this way, or why she has nightmares', even if they don't know all the details of the cause.
With that understanding could come better tolerance, in turn getting a weight off my shoulders that will help me feel better enough to be able to work on getting better. It's hard to recover from something on your own.

[mgran]

People tend to guess there's something up when fireworks go off, and I'm as jumpy as a kitten with a ball of wool. At least I don't duck and cover anymore.

[Open Eyes]

Well, I don't know where to go with this. I don't want to hog this thread, but it is the same question. I am having a major anxiety attack, I can't even move, I have to move and care for these animals, but IM in a lot of pain.

I have this mood and it never changes, I would like to change it but I can't. Because the truth is, it is exactly how I feel. I can't say NOT NOW, IT IS NOT NOW. Because it is now for too long now. Four years is too long to not be able to say NOT NOW. I can say NOT MY FAULT.
But, well, that doesn't help, it is not my fault but I NEED IT TO STOP BEING NOW.

When you all talk about others understanding what this PTSD means.
Well that takes on whole new demention to me. Oh I am a super poster too. Sometimes I take up a lot of space. I don't even know what some of you think of that. But Ill tell you why I do it. Yes I have a past littered with PTSD. But I am also living it now. I am taking a vacation within every post. Because i don't want to think about now. Whats happening now. And yet I am trying to gain strength to do just that. I could say so much more, there is so much more.

I am dealing with the result of someone's negligence every day. To be honest, I just can't wrap my brain around it. And I am trying really hard.
But I am in a trap that hurts all the time and it is the past and now and I have yet to reach the finish line. I am doing everything possible to intellectualize it. But I can't seem to do it.

The last Flashback I had was in a depositon when an attorney asked me where the most damage was, what animal, what is the most damage.
I sat there with a drawing and I looked down. And I saw everthing and I saw my little pony friend dying and all the other ones and all our faces.
I couldn't speak I was frozen and there was nothing I could do or say and the tears were just coming and I couldn't stop it. I loved them all, it was like asking which one I loved the most. It was like asking who was the best or I don't even know what they wanted from me.

How do you sit in a room with black and white people? I mean people who just think in black in white? I am supposed to think like them, and just look at these black and white questions that to me, are anything but black and white. No, to me, it was my life, my love, my everyday happiness. The one thing I did that made up for all the abuse that took place in my past. I cant even utter the words PTSD. Because they will take it as a weakness, mental illness or even see if they can somehow use it against me. And god forbid they see whats back there, why should my neighbor get to know that and and throw it in my face?

This winter was terrible. I don't how I kept up with these bills caused by all this damage. I had to be some kind of bill genius. And then every day I had to shovel the snow. I had to get the ones out that needed to move around because the damage they have hurts and they need to move around and even the cold makes it worse and I can see it in thier faces.
They look at me as if I can fix them and I CANT FIX THEM. I don't even know the full extent of how bad it is for them NO MONEY TO DO THAT.

I am trying to run what is left of my business only TO PAY THESE BILLS THAT KEEP COMING AND ALL I CAN DO IS PAY THE INTEREST THAT KEEPS GOING UP. I also have to try to make enough to feed them and take care of them. Somedays are so hard, I forget to eat. I can't even look at the mounting paper work either. I know I should add some bills and organize some more, BUT I CANT EVEN LOOK AT IT.

I keep hoping that somehow I will get stronger in every post. I also think of them as a way to not think of what I have to think of every day on some level. I wish it could just be a memory, but it hasn't been that way. NO THEY HAVE TO KEEP IT CONSTANT IN THE WINGS DRAW IT OUT, KEEP IT HANGING OUT THERE. Maybe they are hoping I will give up.
At this point who the **** knows.

I thought that I had gained some ground. I tried calling my lawyer, another reminder of that black and white and the impatience and lack of knowing THAT I HAVE PTSD THEN NOW, TODAY AND TOMARROW. No, that is not understood here and so I HAVE TO HIDE IT. It is not easy to do this especially when I LOST SO MUCH THAT I REALLY LOVED AND I SEE IT EVERY DAY OUTSIDE IN HERE ON THE TABLE COVERED WITH BILLS.

I know that there is this quote, cant say where it comes from, LOVE THY NEIGHBOR. Well, to be honest, I don't think Im ever going to be able to do that. I did everything possible to warn this neighbor to stop his dogs from trespassing, I did every thing possible to explain how it could effect me. I even had to endure back pain because they wouldn't listen and I had a green horse on a lead rope that spooked suddenly and reared up because suddenly one of their dogs was behind it. They only laughed and said the dog could not hurt the horse, no they just didn't get it.

No, they didn't understand that I had just almost lost my life and still was recovering and had finally bought myself my own horse because I spent all my time on my daughter and her horse. No, they had to make sure they shot off huge fireworks not very far from my barn and horses. I could have been killed as I tried to calm that horse down, and I WAS STILL RECOVERING FROM HAVING MY WHOLE BODY CAVITY OPENED UP TO SAVE MY LIFE.

No, NONE OF THEM UNDERSTAND WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERY DAY. I am only considered some weak person who is now somewhat isolating. My lawyer is pretty cold and short with me.

So, whenever I post a long page of something that may talk too much.
Well, that means I really need to think about something ELSE.

I really wish there was someone here, outside here, anywhere that could tell me what to do with that. Because I tried to talk to my lawyer today and he told me I have another deposition coming, but he doesn't get it that I really need to have time to at least try to get prepared.

Open Eyes

[insightunseen]

i am so sorry for all you've been through and are still re-living. it is not just terribly sad, it is an outrage! you have been through an injustice and you are suffering both grief and fury. we can stand with you, and we can listen, and we understand. and i can offer hope. through early and awful neglect and abuse, i have persevered to the other side.
one day, too long i know, you will not go to bed with trauma and wake up with trauma. you will be a survivor. i have faith for you. seek help. talk to us and others who really get it, in a therapeutic way, and keep talking until it wears itself out. just each day, each hour, that you get through is on your way to healing. all of us stand by you all the way through.

[Yack]

Originally Posted by Evening

Now that I am seeing my therapist again to work on my stress and PTSD (like, actually WORK on it, not just sit there and talk), I've really been thinking about what I need to do to change things. I realise that not everybody knows I have PTSD, that includes a lot of my family. I tend to hide it, and when I do discuss it I feel like a bit of a tool. But because it took so long for me to be diagnosed, PTSD really shapes me as a person, and that includes the bad things like getting moody and snapping at people, and avoiding family parties.
I have THOUGHT about explaining it so they understand better, but I feel really uncomfortable and silly about it, I really just want to keep it to myself at the same time. When my cousin was diagnosed with BPD she gave my grandparents an information sheet on it that she got from a counselor. I thought about doing something like that, but I don't know.

So I would like to know, how have any of you explained PTSD to others? I have always found it hard, hence why I keep it to myself. People just don't seem to get it no matter how much I try. Or they say 'Oh the name says it all'. Uh no, it doesn't. If anyone has any advice it would be helpful.

Hmm well...a lot of people from my past know about it (the people I was friends with when it happened). Now, not too many people. I told a few co-workers which I now regret because I am a therapist. My boyfriend and a few good friends know.

[Nammu]

How many? I don't know. Like the last post I used to tell poeple, but I'm not sure of my movivation, did I want sympathy, exceptions, to be left alone, to be different, I suspect mostly I did not want to be judged, back then I had no tools, I was 87lbs of nerves. I was tired of poeple telling me I had an eating disorder, I didn't know why I couldn't eat, why every thing mad me jump, I thought I was going crazy no matter what the T said. I thought that poeple would know what PTSD meant, but I didn't know what it meant, and really I still don't. I got lucky and got some really good tools, how to stay here and now, how to figure out the more common triggers, a pdoc talked me into SSDI so I retreated from life. That made everything easy, I just quit dealing with it. Everytime I tried to go back to work I just ignored the PSTD and that didn't work to well. I never managed to stay working very long. Sometimes I told the manager, sometimes I didn't I rarely told co-workers, I did that once and thereafter when I had a bad day one of then would ask if I had forgotten my meds! But I think it was my not working on it/acknowledging that made everything fall a part. I think for me to be succussful at work I need to work on the stuff that comes up, not try to bury it.

As for family they all know the words, but none except my daughter really understand. My daughter lived it, and it was really hard for her. My mother wanted to deny the whole thing because it made her look like a bad mother(In her mind, the fact a neighber molested me made her a bad mom, so she just denyed it, it's a family thing.). But I have an aunt who took her to groups where she learned the basics, when she heard from strangers about the night terrors she knew I wasn't lieing, I woke her up so often with screams, but believing me and understanding, are not the same. I haven't told anyone for years, the only ones who know are those who see my medical chart, and my T. I just started working with my T on the issue recently because it came up with medical proceders recently. This is something I'm working on because I'm very isolated. I don't know if I will tell others as I work on it and take chances. It's a good topic.

((((((open eyes)))))) I'm so sorry you are in such pain, I allways think of you as a very strong knowledgeable person.

[Crew]

I know I have PTSD and I tell people that say for example, the smell of cleaning smells like Lysol and such and I tell people I tend to get really upset.
So now everywhere I go I have a list of things that works for me that grounds me, until I become numbed by it. Does that make sense?

God Bless those that suffer, like me!
Crew

[Evening]

Due to my laptop breaking down for the third time and me only being able to access here on my phone my comments are rather limited so I apologise for not answer all posts right now. But in regards to the last post, telling people that I get upset by certain things doesnt tend to work for me. I get triggered by the smell of alcohol, and every other aspect of it. Being in my early 20s, most of my friends are a similar age and therefore enjoy alcohol at almost every occasion. If I tell people that I cant be around alcohol, and Ive tried a number of different ways to explain it, they just do not get it. Even if I say something as simple as I dont enjoy alcohol, the judgement comes out. People really tend to take it very personally. All I can do is avoid the situation. But as alcohol is everywhere, how can I avoid it? By dealing with it. But how can I deal with it if I get no support from friends and family? Ive never understood how people dont seem to think 'Well obviously there is some sort of reason for this'.

[Open Eyes]

Oh, I don't know if others will ever really understand. When you say it, they still seem to think that it is easy to get over and that I should not let it get to me.

To be honest I am still learning what it really means myself and I haven't been doing well at all lately, too much going on, current traumas. As I have ranted about here and other places. Yes we rant too, JD kindly puts it, that is the PTSD talking.

The one thing sort of positive to me is that the abuse I got in the psychward was quietly validated to my husband on the QT from a very knowledgeable respected source.

But I have to be honest, it is another addition to my long list of tramatic events in my life. I don't really know what to feel right now to be honest, I am grateful that finally what I went thru was an admitted terrible ordeal. This past week has been terrible for me, I am truely worn out. I feel like I have been sitting once again in the electric chair of flashbacks and dealing with way too much.

At least by coming to PC and talking to others I have been able to learn more so when I do find that therapist I can trust, I will have a lot to talk about and things to work on. PC has also helped me hang onto the person I aways was, cause quite frankly outside PC, I have been so overwhelmed by what is going on.

I was really praying one day, completely disabled trying to do the chores, I was so bad I broke down in the grain store, thankfully the woman there was so nice and gave me a big hug. And then I really broke and tried so hard to tell my husband that I just cant do it all, the case, the lawyer, the bill, even my husband constantly cutting me off and not listening and trying to tell me what to do and how to think, etc.

Well, maybe my prayers were answered as my husband went to his AA meeting and happened to meet up with the person while he was out. Someone to tell him how really hard it is for me and yes the psychiatrist in that hospital is really bad news.
Finally someone else validated me, I can't tell you how much I needed that, how very much it really means.

Oh and my last therapist, how many mistakes he made with me too. To be honest I am exhausted by getting the wrong therapy or whatever. I can't tell you how many times PC was my one place I could go and ground. Keep in touch with that person that was so strong in my past. That person who lost everything, years of making up or overcoming so much abuse.

I have had a couple people here that really helped alot, so supportive and understanding even just willing to listen and not be critical. I want to thank you and you know who you are. I hate to say it that at least we do understand each other and can find peace in that.

You know sidestepper the one thing you said that truely resinates with me is, there nothing worse someone could say to a victim of PTSD than when they dont believe you. I think that is the worst trigger of all. That is one thing that really disturbs me and brings me back to each and every tramatic event reaching all the way back to a little girl that was afraid to tell, maybe no one would believe her.

Open Eyes

[(JD)]

In 24 years, I can count on one hand those I've told about the PTSD... well, maybe two hands..? It does no good... they don't care, don't understand, or don't care to understand. Plus, they tend to think "child abuse" from what I hear when they talk about other people...unless they know someone was in the military.

The idea of having PTSD from a near-dying life-threatening accident is totally incomprehensible I think... I'm still trying to work through it myself.

Of course I have 2 doctors who see me weekly, who work with me on that... and I have two sons who were told in the past, but since they aren't in my life really...I have no idea if it's affected their thinking of me.

I have two past friends who know...and "understand" (both professionals) but I haven't had any direct contact with them all year.

I think it's best to say "I have an anxiety disorder" instead of using PTSD... it's just as true, and more understandable I think.

[Open Eyes]

Well, I see your thinking JD. But unfortunately others don't really understand that either. Or like you mentioned, maybe they don't care to understand. I have found that others just keep saying relax and oh they have all these little inuendos that have something to do with them feeling that you just have and unablility to "JUST DEAL".

I went upstairs and layed down, thinking about what I had just said in the end of my post.

I have had a tendency to say things over and over, that is one thing people seem to say about me. Or maybe even that I am too long winded at times. Misunderstood is something often said by therapists, especially after they did it themsleves. Sometimes people will say Im just too smart or that I know too much, or care too much, or seem to have to point things out, or that I might let things upset me too much or I seem to notice things others don't. I have even talked out when others were afraid to.

Those are just a few of my idiocyncracies. Alot also depends on a persons life experiences. With my own life experiences I do see things others ignore. But given my past, it was the way I survived and tried very hard to understand why things were so bad. And when I really sit and think, boy, I really had to do it alot in my life. Quite honestly, I have to shake my head alot in my own disbelief. But these things did happen and many times I was alone when it happened, alone to try to either run, or defend myself. That is the worst for me, that I was alone, no witness except the abusers.

So in many cases, not just mine, a victim needs to often repeat it over and over as they sometimes need to validate it even themselves. And we often get angry when something like it happens again and even if we get up enough courage to finally speak and then, we get invalidated. Yes, that is one of the hard things for victims. They don't always consciously realize it but, because they themselves have trouble with it, well the last thing they want is to be invalidated. And any kind of invalidation causes anger, frustration, anxiety, and even rage. And again often the victim who has the PTSD doesn't really realize it themselves. And the next thing they know, they react and even over react not just in anger but frustration, fear, anxiety, and even becoming depressed and brought to tears.

In my case I would fight those feelings by doing things that were ways of exerting the negetive energy away into something positive. I didn't realize that was called grounding, until I read it in a book. That was not good for me because then all the things I did became attached to a trauma. Thats when I started having flashbacks. I couldn't understand having them, I did remember, why had it not happen before? And then I noticed that when I tried to do my regular positive activities, well I would flashback.

And as far as the ones I do try to tell, well, they make that one fatal mistake, they DONT BELIEVE ME. Obviously I don't have other therapists as friends. And to top it off I am involved in a court case AND THEY DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE ME, THAT IS THE OPPOSING ATTORNEYS JOB.
The one thing that I do have is that my husband did witness it with me one of the times. I think if that had not happened, well, I truely would have blown apart mentally.

And the other important thing that therapists really have to understand, is the behaviors that go along with this diagnosis. No, they often have to seem to attach something else with it. Yes we do go up and down with it, and no, we don't always respond to antidepressants and yes we have moments of rage and we really get angry when THEY DON'T BELIEVE US.
It is not just about constantly focusing on the abusive actions. It is more than just that, so they have to realize that we already know it, what we need to hear, is that yes, someone believes it and they will work with us and not only tell us, it was not our fault. But they will tell the family member how hard it is for us and sometimes saying JUST DEAL, really hurts us.

Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

You know, I never asked for any of this. No, I don't want it, and I look at all my words here and think, how can I just not have to say that anymore? How many people here feel that way too?

Well, we have to let it out, we have to say it. I want others to know, yes I believe you, I know how it feels. And thats a beginning, someone else believing you.

Any one who stops by here, don't be afraid to say it, abuse is abuse, pain is pain, and knowing someone believes you and validates you and listens is when you start to heal.