Gritting my teeth....

<font color="red"> </font> This might not make any sense, so bear with me, okay?
It's hard for me sometimes, not to be angry...not to let every little thing set me off. I keep the anger inside, and I hold it there, because it never has anything to do with the situation I'm dealing with at the time. When I'm asked what's wrong, there's no explaining it. In fact, that makes me even more angry. It's always there. Most times I keep it in check, and sometimes I'm even able to block out the thoughts and feelings that bring me to the point of acting out. I remind myself that I'm with someone who loves me. Sometimes that doesn't work, and I just lose my temper, and everyone is a target. Of course, my SO can't see what I'm thinking, and she won't understand that it's nothing she did, so then SHE'S upset. Sometimes it's hard not to feel like somebody's out to get me, y'know? Like somebody wants to punish me. It's exhausting..it's maddening. Normal, everyday things aren't 'normal' for me...they're triggers, and I never know what will set me off. I tell my therapist that she needs to consider committing me. She understands where I'm at, but does she understand how exhausting it is some days, just trying to function? Like I said...I don't know if this makes any sense to anybody..I'm just hoping to be understood. <font color="red"> </font>

magickal1,

Yes I understand.

This next question, might rub you up the wrong way -

Do you know what you are angry about?

Is it something you are actually entitled to be angry about?

Bottled up anger is not very good for you, and letting the anger out in all directions is a bad move too. Difficult is'nt it.

I guess it's about letting off the steam in a safe way.

Sometimes just writing it down can help!

PTSD is really infuriating!

I'm not sure if this helps, but I sure know how it feels.

Hiya, Pegasus..no, at the time I can't figure out what's making me angry, I just get in a particular mood and I can't place it. Some days it has to do with the way something is said, done, whatever. I understand my feelings may have to do with past experience, but at the time, that's not the way I see it. Hope that makes sense, sorta, and thanks for listening.

Hi magickal1.

Thought you might find this interesting.

One theory of anger and trauma suggests that high levels of anger are related to a natural survival instinct. When initially confronted with extreme threat, anger is a normal response to terror, events that seem unfair, and feeling out of control or victimized. It can help a person survive by mobilizing all of his or her attention, thought, brain energy, and action toward survival. Recent research has shown that these responses to extreme threat can become "stuck" in persons with PTSD. This may lead to a survival mode response where the individual is more likely to react to situations with "full activation," as if the circumstances were life threatening, or self-threatening. This automatic response of irritability and anger in individuals with PTSD can create serious problems in the workplace and in family life. It can also affect the individuals' feelings about themselves and their roles in society.

READ MORE HERE...

Hang in there,

Petunia

Definitely symptoms of PTSD. grrrr Guess we really don't "hold the anger inside" when we do grit our teeth, or let everything set us off... tads of paranoia (ppl out to get us) is why PTSD patients are on alert all the time!

Keep working with your T. Because of therapy, I am doing much better than I was... though it's been long struggle for me... I can learn to back away from things some and not take everything personally...

At least you know you are being triggered...I went years before I could even recognize that. What I suggest is keep a notebook, where you were, what music was playing, who was there, was the activity was, if there was a scent (flowers, cologne etc) all that... and sooner or later your brain will begin to see connections.. and your T will be able to help you sort through the source of the anger, fear.

Keep on keeping on.

THANK YOU so much, everyone! Yes, definitely what I'm dealing with here. I'm REAALLY glad that I found this forum! I'm gonna need all the help I can get!