Updating again

Hi everyone,

Yes, the prodigal has returned, although I don't know how often I'll be posting. I thought it best to let you know how things are going so far.

I guess it doesn't help to sugarcoat it, so I'll just say it...I'm not doing well. I'm having trouble dealing with people at work, people in general, and the constant stresses of different triggers at different times. It's to the point where if something triggers, I zone out, or my brain leaves, or whatever...I'm not sure...but I forget where I am, what took place...everything...and all that's left are the bad feelings afterward.
My T is talking about a possible med change, and is setting up an appointment for me to talk to a psyche therapist, who will 'analyze' me to try and pinpoint the problem.

In short, I'm a wreck..and I haven't wanted to talk to anybody lately. I feel like a failure.

There...I said it! Not that it helps, but at least I admitted it.

Sorry for being such a downer....hope you'll forgive me.

(((((hugs)))) I'm sorry you are feeling that all this is your "fault." PTSD is not an easy dx (not that any are) as it defies logic. YOU are not in control at this time, and it may take a long time to gain balance in your life.

Please remember that PTSD is a disability. If you have to, at least you wouldn't be out on the street if you need to go on disability???

You are not a failure! I know you feel that way, I have felt that way often. What I "knew" in my mind just didn't transpire in my life!!! stomp stomp Well, PTSD doesn't work that way... we can't think of what is proper or even what we want to do or how we wish to behave and voila` there it is. No, all our wishing and trying won't change a thing that way.

Good therapy with an expert is the only way to get a handle onto this beast. PTSD doesn't get better over time, nor if you ignore will it go away.

Life changes at times. Maybe you are at a crossroads for change? I hope your med change will help! BTW PTSD has a natural element of dissociation to it. The zoning out is perfectly normal for ptsd (((safe hugs)))

hey magickal1, sorry it's being so hard. Hang in there. I'm with Sky in suggesting you check out disability. It's woth the hassle to get on. I starved a lot because I couldn't manage a job for any length of time. It sucked. I really like being able to have a place to live and food to eat. Good luck.

Magickal1, no, you are not a downer, we are here to listen to you vent and express what you are going through. I hate to see you call yourself a "failure" though. A psych nurse said to me once that it was never a failure to come back to the hospital for my PTSD, that it showed courage and honesty to admit what I needed and to take care of myself. I believe that now and hope you can for yourself also.

Be well,

mtd

(((((magickal1)))))

You're not nuts or even anything remotely close to that....let alone a downer! You're dissociating. That's why you're pretty much blacking out and don't know how you get to certain places or whatever.

I miss you so much! Please take care of yourself!