My C-PTSD Problem

I continue to have C-PTSD issues. Recently, it has gotten so bad that I feel a terrible tightness in my chest. (I also suffer from a heart condition.) Tomorrow, I start seeing a new T who can prescribe. Today, I got so scared that I had to self-medicate with a glass of red wine. (For some reason, red wine physically calms me like nothing else.) I am hoping the new T can help.

That's the symptom that finally convinced me to stop talking to my family of origin. I had a stress test done, all that junk. No problems found. But they call, and I'm a mess. Then they go on their merry way. It's them or me. Life or death. Only you can choose you. I wasn't going to let them win. Why should I? Who the h are they? They got here the same way I did.

Red wine is supposed to be good for you, and if it only takes a glass to calm you, maybe one glass a day isn't a bad idea. Maybe ask your T tomarrow if it is ok to do if it helps you.

Good luck with the new T unhappyguy, let us know how you make out.

(((Hugs)))

really sorry you're feeling rough.

has something triggered you that needs to be avoided or can be?

hope you like new T and potential meds.

My non-prescribing T says that I probably have suffered from PTSD since childhood. Later in my life, I was repeatedly treated badly at several jobs and in places where I volunteered. I must have LOSER written on me somewhere. I then developed C-PTSD from trying to hold on to jobs where I was ostracized and treated badly for being gay or just for fun. (This is what happens when you work for attorneys.) I have a lot of C-PTSD thoughts about getting even or being persecuted by former friends. They recur repeatedly during the day, especially when I am alone at home or taking long walks. Meditation and prayer have not helped at all. Neither has exercise. The thoughts also strike when I try to go to sleep. It seems to be getting worse. So, wine is not the solution. I went on an eating binge to keep myself occupied during the holidays but gained weight and my bad cholesterol and triglycerides spiked. I am ready to try meds. My T says I should change careers. At my age - 55 - I have no idea what to do and don't know if I am up to it.

And now you're also getting to the age where frankly things start to get weird. Like who cares about old people? And all of a sudden you realize they mean YOU. And you realize you yourself don't care about old people. And you realize they just keep young people on a treadmill so they can't think about these things, they don't have time. I always wondered why old movie stars kept trying to work - didn't they have enough money to retire on? Now I get it - it would be great to have a not totally miserable job.

I hope the meds make you feel a little more hopeful. I know I have gone from having a background state of low misery to one where I feel relatively calm answer cheerful. I've always been stupidly hyper but I don't mean that. Just not an impending sense of doom all the time. An impending sense of la famiglia. Of sleeping with the fishes... so to speak...

I have found that medication has addressed the anxiety levels and allowed me to have my complex PTSD go almost into total remission (except for recently when I got triggered). But I continue to do the hard work of therapy as frequently as possible. There is no substitute really. It's difficult to self-soothe when you are in that kind of state. I'm a Zen Buddhist, but during times of difficulty, meditation is impossible and even my teacher recognizes that. I started doing what is called "work meditation," which involves mindfulness while doing ordinary activities like washing dishes or showering. It ends up refocussing attention onto the here and now so it works as temporary relief and make you feel more in control of things in general.

Yes, Hankster, my mother has me on a treadmill of sorts. There was never any encouragement to date or marry or have friends - or teaching of skills to facilitate these things - all so that I would be available to take care of her in her old age. Not only was there insufficient nuturing and outright manipulation, there was also mom's constant verbal abuse (yelling), as well as denial of material and emotional needs, which also left deep, deep scars. Basically, I was told to raise myself.

I have tried Buddhist meditation with modest results. The real problem was that no one at the two centers I attended was friendly. I am not a big smiler and have below average looks, making me less appealing to mix with even though I am friendly and did some volunteer work to get to know people. It was not my crowd; I did not fit in. Being gay didn't help either.

When we talk of trauma and PTSD, many assume "events," but with complex PTSD and even not complex, things like neglect, emotional and/or physical, are powerful factors that often produce more effects than actual "events," not to minimize traumatic events by any means. It's often a combination that makes this difficult to sort out.

I too was told essential that I was on my own, as were all of my siblings. My mother was probably a depressive or Asperger's, but just wasn't there. Mostly shopping or watching TV in bed. My father was literally gone, out to sea for most of my childhood on ships in the Navy. As the oldest, I took care of the younger ones, starting from a very early age, when I learned to cook and diaper. The emotional neglect of not really even existing in a way set the stage for later traumas. And in a way this neglect is more "core" than the actual events, though less clearly identifiable.

As with trauma, I have found partial avoidance, in one form or another, to be something I have done, but the pain is still there. Recently I tapped into a pocket of this pain and something different happened. I felt a great relief once I had really experienced it and talked with my therapist about it in a very emotional way. But even he suggested that no one can bear that kind of pain all the time and need to be away from it. So like I said earlier, I find anti-anxiety meds very helpful for general functioning.

Thanks. I saw a new psychiatrist today and was given an Rx for an anti-anxiety med. I am starting at a very low dose because I am sensitive to medications. Hopefully, it will help.

There is an active chat going on right now that you may want to join..different things help different people..Take care.

Hope it will/has too. Have taken a benzo for years, daily, it helps.
Take care with all the snow & wind in NYC.

I am getting ready to pick up my Rx for Zoloft now. I've never tried it before. It's the lowest dose possible since I'm sensitive to meds. The pharmacy could not fill it yesterday because their computers were down, so I have to go back today. I have sent an email to my PCP this morning to confirm that there will be no problems with the low testosterone med he would like me to start taking. I really don't want to be on all of these medications. (This will make it 4.)

I'm a bit surprised to hear that it is Zoloft because that is an SSRI anti-depressant, not a benzodiazepine, which is usually what is prescribed for anxiety. Some anti-depressants do have a sedating effect, but that is not their primary purpose. And they usually take a while to work, weeks to a month. I hope that it does work for you, but if I were you, especially since you said you were sensitive to medications, I'd keep tabs on how it affects you and keep in touch with your doctor.

I was prescribed an SSRI because I told the MD that I do not like to feel stoned (or high) from taking a medication. I just want to be calm. I believe that is why he prescribed the Zoloft.