[FaithisAlive]

I don't know what to do; It is time for my 25th high school reunion and I am struggling with going or not going...

I talked with a friend from that time and I didn't sleep more than a couple of hours each night for the folowing week.
I had flashbacks and confusing thoughts... and now I feel like I am walking through a dark tunnel or something.. nothing is clear..maybe I am just in a daze of some sort.

The thing is I am worried about going to this thing..worried about being triggerd.. flooded with memories I cannot handle...

There is so much trauma in my past.. so much I am missing in details when I try to remember things...I have one close friend I have maintained a friendship with since high school and she really wants me to go...

Part of me wants to go but most of me is afraid to... and not just because of the emotional part of it either.. but for the effect stress has on me physically.. I don't know if I can take it..

I have to have my money in by the end of this week and the reunion is not until Sept23.. I can't seem to decide.. I bounce back and forth over it... my friend says " go.. pleeeease.. if something happens and you can't handle it.. you can always leave early" .... yeah, but, I don't want to waste the money either... and it doesn't take much to trigger....

What do ya'll think? What would you do in my shoes? I am still rather new to PTSD... and it scares me..

[alisandria]

Personally, this is how I see it. When I bounce back and forth like that, I already know the answer. No. I think if I were to already be feeling flashbacks and confusion and I am not even physically there yet, that's a good indicator of what is to come. Realistically looking at it you have a great deal of concern for a place that holds a great deal of trauma for you. What pleasure can that give you? You have your one friend that you keep contact with, are you seeking to regain friendships with others from back then?

I've never gone to one high school reunion. For much of similar reasons. Just a time in my life that is the past. Like an old love, why try to rekindle something that isn't there? Anyone I do desire to speak with, we have kept contact over the years.

Whatever happened there, you don't need to face to conquer. Should you decide to go you need to be ready to deal with opening a can of worms, and what will come from that. You admittedly already feel some of it's effects now. If you really want to get in touch with someone from back then, go to classmate.com, you can find your school, and old buddies.

If you are afraid to let down your friend, don't be.

Hope this helps you some. Hugs, Lisa.

Sounds to me like the bad out weighs the good in this situation.

Save yourself! If you are just stressing over the thought of going...well, that should be a loud warning.

But, whatever you decide, we'll be here to see you through.

[FaithisAlive]

You speak truth for sure...both of you. I think what I'm doing is feeling pressured by my close friend who wants me to go.

I have never been very good at saying no , even if it is bad for me.. this is one time I am feeling assertive.. yet at the same time I feel a certain guilt for NOT going when I know she wants me to go.

[Sarah116]

Go give it a try! You never know for better or for worse!

I feel a certain guilt for NOT going when I know she wants me to go.

(((( HUGS ))))

You are not responsible for her feelings.

You need to take good care of yourself.

I'm sure it's hard for her to fully understand.

How can we expect others to understand PTSD when we struggle too?

But if she's your good friend, she'll forgive you for not going.

Again, it's your call.

[Liv28]

Faithisalive,

My 10 year anniversary arrived last May and my mother sent me the invitation in the mail because it had been delivered to her house. I, too, hesitated because a part of me wanted to go back and show all of those people how good I was doing now, but then the other part of me felt so sick to my stomach to even think about all the "CRAP" that went on back in those days and all the people that helped make those things happen, and how awful my high school days were for me and how I told myself that I never ever wanted to feel like that again and how I never was going to and I immediately ripped that invitation to shreds and immediately felt better!! Do not feel pressured by a friend to attend a reunion that you do not want to attend. If you are feeling triggered in any way by this event, think about why that is..and whether or not it is worth it to you..if its not, and Im thinking its probably not, than let your friend know. If they are really your friend, they will understand! You HAVE to think about YOURSELF in these instances first. Good luck!

[alisandria]

I know it can be hard to feel like you are letting a friend down. It's true, even we that suffer PTSD don't fully understand it, how can we make those that don't suffer it understand. I dealt with similar issues with a well meaning best friend, and finally it came down to this discussion. I know you mean well, and you'd really like me to go and enjoy the reunion as you do, but for me the memories held for me are not the pleasant ones you hold dear. For me, it's the equivalent of going out in a lightening storm and repeatedly being hit by bolts of lightening....and it might, or might not stop after I leave. More than likely it won't, cause I can already feel the affects of it now. I really enjoy the times we spend together, but this would be to me like the equivalent of me asking you to go to a party with Brian (her busturd ex)....she finally had a much better understanding, and there were no hard feelings.

If you can't bring yourself to say it to her verbally, how bout writing her an email explaining it (you can even use my explanation if you want, subbing all your stuff in there), and just explain that it really is that hard for you that you had to write it out. I really think she's a true friend and means well, she just doesn't fully understand, and you know what that is ok too.

Anywho, hun, do what you need to do for you...you are the only one that has to get up and walk in your shoes in the morning. Hugs, Lisa.

[(JD)]

Reunions usually involve many different activities. Maybe choose just one or two and fill your other free time doing things you would normally do on a vacation, rather than all the reunion stuff.

You have permission (from the Universe) to not go. But... if your friend has any understanding of your traumas... she might be a good support person to try this with? If you do go, can you make it an event that YOU construct, or will you feel swept along from one thing to another by your friends or the schedule? If the latter, I wouldn't go. If you can be your own person, and plan some truly fun things also, then I encourage you to go.

TC!

When I can't decide things (which as LL pointed out during therapy this past week seems to be happening alot lately) I tend to fall back in to going with the flow and see what happens.

But as to my high school reunion - I make the decision based on what I would gain by going, do I have any unfinished business with anyone that will be there and my finances.

when mine comes up if I haven't missed it yet I won't be going. one because I don't have the financial means to just pick up and go on the drop of an alumni card. twm because my child is in residential and doing alot of unsafe behaviors. I can just see me off clear across the country and DHS need my imput or need to notify me for example in January my child was diagnosed with sleep apnea and needed surgery. I was called and told to come to the DHS office as soon as possible from a caseworker who rarely calls. and three when I was in high school - well physically I was in school but mentally I was playing my piano lessons, floating in la la land and failing classes left and right and just barely squeeking through to graduation thanks in part to a teacher who was on every side of me some days to push me and pull me through my classes. The highlight of my time was the piano lessons, choris and musicals... Oh yea I was actually very popular on two occasions- once when I actually caught a baseball in right field that would have other wise been a home run. The shocker was - I was a girl who could never catch or hit a baseball even if my life depended on it and I did it bare handed and not feel a thing. The gym teacher and classmates all said I just reached up and plucked that S##k#r out of the sky as if I wa splucking an apple off a tree. Everyone wanted me to teach them how to catch a homerun type flyball without a mitt. and the other time? I shy cry if someone looked at me wrong halled off and punched a teacher. From that day on no one bothered me in school and every time we played vollyball someone would yell out when it was my turn to serve " Just imagine it was mrs. R's face and give her another fat lip and bruise that will last a week" Other then those situations I would not even be able to hold a conversation down memory road. tell them about my present life? Well theres not not much to add that they didn't read in print or during any of my public speaking engagements. as for what they are doing now. I know what is going on in the lives of those that I cared abot back them and the rest who cares not me.

so basically how I came to my decision not to go is t hat I looked at what high school reunions are for - catching up with those you liked and flaunt how much you have changed to those that bullied, and or envied.
The looked at what I would be gaining, my financial situation and if it was do able.

For me the bottom line was no its not worth it - there is nothing I would gain from it and I have no unfinished business with any of my classmates.

Hang in there whther or not you decide to go I know that the decision you make will be the right one because there is no wrong answers for this.

[kimmydawn]

Faith,

I agree that you probably shouldn't go while feeling this torn. If the anticipation of an event causes the upset this has, then the event might not be worth it to go? In times like this, the "work-up to it" can be worse than anything.

I can't suggest what you should do, but I wouldn't go. When I was younger, my pride (or listening to friend) would've foolishly pushed past my internal self telling me what I need...causing for addition pain and upset that I didn't need.

good luck and let us know your decision. If your friend has been a friend that long, she'll understand that that's just a place you don't care to "revisit". Reunions should be something we want to revisit and reflect upon, I think.

KD

[FaithisAlive]

Thanks for all the input guys! .

I just don't think I care enough about going to possibly put myself into a situation I will regret both emotionally and physically.I have too much to lose and not enough to gain.

My friend is understanding about it, she isn't really sure she wanted to go that bad either but a friend of hers was trying to talk her into going... and so she was trying to talk me in to going.... SOOO HIGH SCHOOL!!!

She has no concept of what I go through with ptsd or fibromyalgia or cfs... she wishes she could understand.. she is a good friend.

Thank again for all your thoughts!

[(JD)]

OK! That sounds like a perfect time for the both of you to go somewhere else and have fun together!!! Not going to the reunion doesn't mean you can't celebrate something else, somewhere else together...imo... that will solve your ill feelings of not going "like you both feel you should"... you can say you had other plans !

[hillbunnyb]

being poor and living 3,000 miles from reunions, i have never been in a position to even consider going. what would I say? everything about my life is a "hot topic" not fit for party chatter and mixed company. I would land like a fart bomb in their midst.