Help...I have PTSD

I would like to talk with other people who have PTSD. I have had it since 1997 when I suffered 2 gunshots from a 9mm, while being 7 1/2 months pregnant. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. At that same moment a very close friend of mine suffered from one shot and died right in front of me. Since this......I have never been the same. I have so many symptoms....from depression .........to the whole startling reflex thing that is soooooo annoying to me...and I fear one day I could suffer a heartattack. I just feel so fragile and moreso recently.......I don't know why!!!!!!!!! I just don't know how to cope because no one around me has been through what I have........has someone out there somewhere been through anything like my experience?????? Help! I'm sick of it!

I have not been through a gunshot wound, but I do have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse..... and I have recurring thoughts, fear, and feelings that control my present action / life and that leaves me thinking someone is in my room at night, hard to sleep when you feel like someone is reaching out to touch you, as to hurt you again.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - (((( hugs )))

I will listen as you need to talk.... YOU are SAFE here.

Hi Legsie,

I have been held at g*npoint several times in my life, in childhood and as an adult which involved law enforcement and ambulances, although not shot, others were. I have internal responses, that make it difficult when someone even jokingly makes a hand gesture resembling a g*n. Emergency vehicles like ambulances and police cars, police officers can create issues at times too, sounds of sirens, smells of g*npowder and the metallic smell bl**d can leave in the air and in your mouth, all reset the internal defenses and flight responses…

PTSD is like that..what you’re suffering thru is in addition to the physical trauma your body endured..The pain and horror of being shot, especially when your pregnant, and watching a friend die..is horrid, I hope you are in Therapy, if you are not and you are in the US, most states have a victims of crime agency, and there is a national web site that assist you too to find the resources that may be able to help…

Personally, I have found the one thing hardest to do that is the most helpful, is just trying to talk about it, as much as you need to, reaching out here is good..I know it may feel hard, or you may not feel anything at all..another process called numbing..just please keep posting as much as you can and feel you want to...There are grounding techniques listed in the guideline for the forum, remember to breathe if it gets to intense..and like I have done to assist others who may be Tr**g*d by this type of event, add the Icon..it helps others to know to enter with care..

Again I am sorry your suffering so, but sharing, talking, at least you know your not alone with the symptoms..you are a Survivor..just need to let your body relearn that after what it has been thru...be patient with yourself when you are the most overwhelmed and hopeless..you deserve that..its ok to feel crazy with this stuff ..its a the bodies response to an extremely violent trauma..

Have you ever heard of EMDR ? Its a form of treatment for ptsd and has been quite successful in many cases.I read a little bit about it at a site called... emdr.com It might be worth checking into.

I hope you are able to find a way to get through this so you can take charge of your life.. I know how it is to be controlled by ptsd.

I do agree that talking about the event does help free us of the hold it has over us. Good Luck!

legsie, support from friends is so important. is there a victim assistance program through your local law enforcement? they could turn you on to a group for peer support. having understanding ears listen to your story could feel pretty good.
Or if you have a women's crisis/intervention organization nearby, they might have on sight groups for women who are dealing with PTSD that you could join.

Do you meditate, do deep breathing, have routines of calming self talk? Learning how to take care of yourself while you're thinking clearly can help you cope when the poopoo hits.

Thank you to you all for responding. I have come a long way since it happened. I did go to therapy for a while, but I have been on some kind of antidepressant eversince. There have been MANY. Currently I take Citalopram, which has been since June of this year. I have been on Xanax on an as needed basis for about 5 years now. They both have helped, but I have my moments. After I made that first post, I broke down.......so badly that I almost got sick. I had to breathe and just tell myself to calm down. It worked. Yes, victim's assistance was involved......and they supported me while the person who did this tried to plead insanity in court...which he did not succeed. He got 25 to life for murder and attempted murder. This happened in a small town in which I really don't think that they new how to react to it. I sure didn't! I can talk pretty openly and realized very quickly that I am a survivor. It is just dealing with it and all that gets hard. My general life coping skills have been effected......one minute I can be solid as a rock....and the next.....fragile as an egg. I like the fact that I found this spot.....I wish I had months and months ago. I needed this....so I can get things out......without being judged.......or hurting someone's feelings. I say that because though I am married.....it is hard for my husband to truly understand this....and sometimes I feel that I push him away. We have been through a lot.......typical relationship highs and lows...and I am just more sensitive than I was before. (We got together before this happened.) He knows I am not the same person. I went through that and then a couple months later...gave birth to our son (which was a piece of cake compared to the other). It was just a lot to take in......and I still am "taking it all in". It is also hard for me now because I feel alone a lot. I work 2nd shift....he works first....our son is back to school (3rd grade) and so during the day it is just me, the cat, dog, and ferret. I have only a handful of friends and between them and my husband I have a hard time voicing myself. This hopefully can be better than a journal, because I can get the feedback and support from you all.....who have PTSD.....which yes, I can't deny, has a huge grip on me and has morphed it's way into other forms as time has gone on.

<font color="blue"> Yes, PTSD pervades our entire being and life. It won't become less without therapy. That's the nature of the "beast." There is no cure, but we can learn to keep most of it at bay, so that it doesn't always intrude upon our lives on a daily basis.

My psychologist has explained to me (over and over and over again ) how other ppl just DON'T understand...even family members who might be living 24/7 and SEE with their own eyes, after being in the session with the patient and having him explain... they just don't "get it." So you are correct in finding a T or other resource who does, other than spouse.

The stress of PTSD is what "morphs" into other forms, imo... what stress does to our bodies and minds is often unbelievable.

yep, sky, unbelievable, BUT, true. integrate that one. takes all the help we can get. ))))) ) )legsie((((((( (( vent away!!! we can take it!!!

yep, sky, unbelievable, BUT, true. integrate that one. takes all the help we can get. ))))) ) )legsie((((((( (( vent away!!! we can take it!!!

I just wanted to say hang in there. It is exhausting and just plain hrd, painful work to live each day with this but it does improve to an extent, that is my experience. And my expereince is that there are worse times and better times. good luck.

Hi Legsie,

I am so sorry for what happened to you. I shall keep you and your recovery in my thoughts and close to my heart. My ptsd stems from many acts of emotional, physical and sexual abuse from the age of 5 until somewhere in my 20s. I can not honestly say that I have been relieved of these traumas. But with lifetime therapy, meds, and a few close friends, I am able to make it through each minute of each hour of each day. I hope that you are able to do the same.

((((((hugs))))))

Skye, you are so right when you said that even the ppl closest to you just don't get it. I hate to feel this way but I can be so fragile and sometimes I think that people closest to me can see that as a weakness. A lot of the times I just bite my tongue because I don't like to argue or constantly say.......I've got PTSD....leave me alone...get off my back. My husband has told me that I just have to let it go. Easier said than done. I can't. I just had gall bladder surgery (that is why I haven't been here lately) and just changing my bandages was hard!!!!!!!!! It brought back memories. One of those triggers that never seem to go away. I refuse to go back into therapy. I would be there for the rest of my life. But on a daily basis I feel like one of those little dogs that constantly shakes even when nothing is really wrong. I always feel like I am doing something wrong or that something is going to happen. I worry constantly about everyone and everything. Some of this is probably just part of the fact that I have gotten older and have a child......but I am sure that the PTSD has made it all more intense.

Thank you for your sympathy. Many have told me that I am a survivor and strong.......I seem to feel like I am strong but yet so weak. I have come a long way......just as you have. Yes, it can be a struggle and I have good moments and bad moments. Like just recently I had my gall bladder removed and just changing the bandages was hard for me. Everytime I change them.......I get shaky. But I am hanging in there.
Hugs to you too!

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I refuse to go back into therapy. I would be there for the rest of my life

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PTSD doesn't get better with time...and as you have realized, triggers remain. Please reconsider. Don't worry about how long it might take to heal... but at least get on that road. TC.

be there forever??????? Hmmmmmmm, 1st, is that bad? I look forward to my 1/2 hour of undevided attention by a compassonate woman who frequently has ideas that help me learn to cope better.

2) I hear a hint of "I wont's start crying, casue if I ever do, it'll never stop" which my Mom, among others swear by. (She also will never have another pet because when our little beagle got sick and had to be put down it about killed her 40 years ago).

She hardly ever lets anything out. Its' the pressure of keeping the "its" in makes them feel so huge. If she actually did let herself feel and grieve, she would find herself over this "worst of it", but, nope, she is afraid to face "it" because she doesn't feel like she could ever get through it. It's a quagmire.

In my recovery, I have learned the more I let myself go through life as it happens, the better I am at it. Be here now, feel when I feel, cry when I need to cry, sleep when I need to sleep, etc, thing that were not allowed when I was little. Time now to tune into yourself.

I have found a survivors group to be a very safe place to start saying words out loud. Peers, there is nothing like a peer who "gets it" to bubble up a sigh of relief from the old battered heart...... ))))))) ))legsie (( ( (( (((