Hypocrisy

((((((((((((Petunia))))))))))

Let your heart guide you!

Much love!

(((Petunia)))

IMO it's mainly important to not be hypocritcal ourselves.

Definition of hypocrite:

Etymology: Middle English ypocrite, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin hypocrita, from Greek hypokritEs actor, hypocrite, from hypokrinesthai

1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

I am aware of the meaning but thanks for the info.

My point was not made well I guess It's important for each one of us to follow what we believe. If someone doesn't KNOW what they believe, this could be a sticking point, and thus they might look like a hypocrite. Not everyone knows who they are, or what they will stand up for.

I was raised by a narcisstic step mother. Only now am I begining to realise that her "hypercrisy" was hidden by her "charming" moments. So many times as a child when mum became charming did I once again raise my hope up and open my heart to her...thinking this TIME! this time she will "see" me and "care" about me...only to be beaten down again by the self deception she lived in...

I realise now that she was being charming only at times that her ego was being fed...or she was getting something...I mistook that for sincereity as a child...and now when I seeing others acting in the same deceptive manner...it triggers my ptsd off big time....

I want to scream "Liar! Liar!" but I'm afraid I will go just as unheard as the small child I once was went unheard...Because off this my truth has become distorted to the point that I counter untruths/inserserity with to much off my truth...I want to off load the anger I had to swallow all those onto others...but I am finding that just leaves me just as alone as I once was..

All I can do today is be true to me...listen to myself...take time to understand myself....be sincere with myself.....hold my feelings within me and nurse and care for them instead of putting them out there....

I'm not sure if this is really appropriate to the tone of this thread...but I came across it and it is just something I was dealing with today after visiting with my now elderly narcissistic step mother...which though hard to do is part of my healing..I get to validate "ME" and all my wounded parts...

I hear ya mouse_.

My triggers are all about trust, or lack thereof.

Yes, trust is a H U G E issue with those of us with PTSD. I'm sorry to hear your mother was ill and unable to give you the care you needed and craved. I hope you can begin to realize that it wasn't something she controlled...but a true mental illness that controlled her. (Yes, it would have been nice if she'd received therapy for it )



It's very tough to judge others. It often makes the judges feel worse, for they, too, are fallible.

I hope you can begin to realize that it wasn't something she controlled...but a true mental illness that controlled her.

_Sky, I am just getting to this in T.

It has taken me a long, long time to realize this with my mother. Alcohol got in my way...meaning I thought all her actions were alcoholic.

Now I realize the underlying issues and the outcome it had on all our lives.

It's very confusing and triggering because I have to walk back into the past AGAIN. It's not easy to walk back into that house of horrors.

But I know if I don't I will be filled with the black poison forever.

yes its very difficult now to sit and watch my mother...before it was easy to just hate her...but having started my own journey of self discovery...I see her life too...I see the looses she has suffered.....but I have to remember that I have to take care off me now...my taking care off her wore me out and left me soul-less ....I treat her with respect as I would any other person...but I have had to insert boundaries between myself and my step mother......i feel for her but I can no longer "feel" for her if that makes sense...

This has been a good thread, and I'm glad I took the time to read through it.

My dictionary defines *hypocrisy* as: The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; insincerity.

So, I'm left feeling confused about this subject. I have thought of myself as being a hypocrite in regards to an area of my life which involves my children and grandchildren. What confuses me is that I have very deep and loving feelings for them and have told them they are loved and cared about. And here is where the big *But* enters the picture. Because of a mental health problem I deal with on a daily basis and which has increasingly worsened through the years, I have isolated myself and have greatly restricted contact with them. I can talk with them over the phone but being around them causes me to go into emotional overload. My contamination issues skyrocket and the downward spiral begins. It's a horrible situation because I know all too well the emotional impact it has had on them. It's a situation where I have to tend to my self-care, and in doing so I have felt neglectful of their needs. It feels like a no win situation to me.

I possess those feelings of love and am sincere about those feelings I have for them. The time came when what I struggle with has stopped me from putting those feelings into actions. As I stated earlier, my face to face contact with them is severly restricted. Actions speak louder than words. So, does this make me a hypocrite or not? According to the definition, I'm not. Yet, I feel like one.

Calm

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((((((((PETUNIA!))))))))))

Yes, triggers for me as well. The worst- the absolute and utter worst is when I ever see any indications of this in myself..........even if unintentional. I have no tolerance for it, it hurts so badly and the areas all around it are infected for me.....

Petunia

Talulah

I discussed this thread theme with my T. I expressed to T how I've felt about myself since the fall of 2005, when the experience I had led to a severe increase in my OCD. We discussed the meaning of the word hypocrisy as presented in the dictionary. T discussed a couple of real life examples of people committing hypocrisy and assured me that my situation was very different and not at all hypocritical. T's assurance and clarifying things for me was very comforting. This has been a good example of how a word can be misused and applied due to a lack of a concise understanding of its meaning. Thank God for dictionaries.

Calm

Thank you Calm, for telling us your experience, it is a bit like mine (I have two step-grandchildren) so I read it avidly :-)

I think with hypocrisy we have to worry about the "action" half and whether we think some action is benign or helpful when it is actually hurtful. No one can be "loving" all the time and saying you "love" someone when they feel hurt by you is not in and of itself hypocricy. My love is not based only on the other person's perception of my love. The other person does not get to tell me how I feel.

My T was once saying how she felt "compassion" for me and I was confused and asked didn't I get to say whether she was compassionate or not? And she immediately taught me, "No" that how she feels is solely hers and she knew how she felt.

My stepmother was abusive and she and I battled outright for a good 15-20 years. But there was a lot of other stuff in there too, besides the abuse. My stepmother loved me and very much wanted what was best for me and strived to make me conform to that best, the best way she could. That she didn't understand that what she wanted for me was not necessarily either what I wanted or what was "best" for me and/or she didn't get to determine what is "best" for me, doesn't mean her actions, which did not seem to match her words, were hypocritical. I "retaliated" and was passive/aggressive with my stepmother but that did not make me hypocritical either when both my stepmother and I would cry together and swear we loved one another and didn't know why we hurt one another as we did and would stop it and didn't.

I guess for me, hypocrisy is about people I don't "know" very well or interact with much; acquaintances and new "friends," neighbors, politicians, etc. And, that being so, I don't have a huge problem with hypocrisy, it is more informative than hurtful for me. Hypocrisy in another tells me to move away from that person, to not get emotionally involved. Being emotionally involved with a person kicks out hypocrisy for me, makes the relationship beyond that particular insight. It's too late for hypocrisy, any problems in a relationship where I feel both of us are already emotionally involved becomes "betrayal" for me?

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