[tedo]

My aunt whom I have been w/so long and has taken care of me, and is the only mother figure I know, know says she hates me. Last year while standing on the sidewalk smoking a car claiming to be downing 35 mph came up on the sidewalk went thru a lite post, a small potted tree as it was dowing this it was rolling end over end.
It jump up and finally came down on a 4 inch condreate table smash it and sent a large chunk into h leg above her knee and smash it off. After 8 weeks and 4 surgeries and countless numbers of pain episods she came home to her room for another 3 weeks, back to haspital, etc.
Now a year and a half later all she wants to do is set and drink, everytime I try to get her up she cusses me, tells me to leave, lately it move out I hate you. I have got things to make her rehab easier since she wont do it nowhere anyway.
It is like she is a different person and I am a stranger here, I love her and miss her, could this be PTS, going crazy in Florida

Yes some of it may be PTSD but most likely not all of it. you have a woman that for years has been able to take complete care of herself and raise a child now has to depend on that child for help.

Being handicapped I can tell you sometimes feeling helpless and unable to do things that normal people can so is very irritating and frustrating and sometimes you just want to lash out at those trying to be so helpful. Many times I have fallen to have people start rushing at me with "here let me help you" "are you al right" and I have yelled at them yes Im fine leave me alone I can get up faster if you just back off. Im not hurt now move. My friends have all learned to wait for me to ask for help otherwise they may be trying to help where I need no help.

she needs space now to figure out how to manage her new life as someone whos leg got shattered by a car. Wait for her to ask for help and let her try to do things on her own a bit and she may become more agreeable to be around.

she is a different person now then she used to be, mentally and physically. right about now she has probably has her fill of rehab up the you know what and where. After a year of rehab and hospitalizations she knows she is not ever going to be the same phyiscally that she used to be. Give her time to adjust to this idea.

Maybe seeing a mental health therapist may help but that has to be her choice of wanting to go.

I know you miss the way she used to be and no amount of therapy and rehab is going to bring the person she was before the accident back to you. You are going to also have to find a way to accept her the way she is now and how and who she becomes in the near future and let go of how things were before the accident. A therapist can also help you heal in this too and help you to accept her as she is now instead of looking for the past "her". that person she used to be is gone, now is what you have and the future is what you have.

Hang in there

[tedo]

Thank you, for your reply, I have just been so angry at the person who did this, and myself for letting it happen..
I know that the phrase "if I would have" is nothing but a phrase, and I have been such an idiot latley.
I had to put my best friend (well second) down and the agony of watching both of them has made me I guess lash out her for not trying. I never look at it the way you explained it. She spends most of her time w/a friend now and avoids me, at first I thought she was giving me a break. I know I have been over protected and anxious for her to come back, but your right, and I don't know what to do. I fell as if I lost my whole family in the last month.
You wont believe this but I go in for a total knee replacement in two weeks. ha-ha
tahnks again

[Perna]

Take care of yourself tedo, it sounds like it could be hard for you after the accident then going in for knee replacements! I'm sorry you won't have anyone to help you with that.

Your aunt may or may not "come back" but letting her do her healing in her own way and time instead of pushing so much might help your relationship with her. It sounds a little like your roles are reversed right now and she's like a child that says "I hate you!" to her mother but the mother knows it's not true. I bet she'll come around when she is through this grief stage from her life changing so much.

[hillbunnyb]

so sorry for the accident and repercussions..... sudden disabling painful lifeshattering accidents really mess up everyhing for a while. it takes a while for everybody to get back to something resembling the "same page".

I had a hopefull flash when you said you were going in for knee replacement in 2 weeks.... sure it's a volutary injury that will heal and make you stronger in the long run, which is not her outlook, but, maybe while you are crippled up too you gyz can moan and groan and curse your rehab together and find a new place to bond and start over in the new here and now.?? maybe???

[(JD)]

I know the fear of seeing a car come towards you like this, but not of actually being injured from it. It is certainly traumatic. I'm unsure of why you seem to be the main person dealing with this, but suggest that you find others -- family, her friends, her MD, social services or whatever to also assist in giving her the same message, that telling you to "GO AWAY" isn't the right choice.

Be sure to put up good boundaries between her reactions and choices, and what you wish she would do. Good wishes.

[Rapunzel]

Sometimes when someone gets hurt they might push people they care about away because they don't know how to be in a dependent role, or don't like having to, and they might feel guilt about the role reversal. She has been the one who took care of you, and it might be hard to take that she is the one who needs help now. It sounds like there is a lot of free-floating anger too, that probably neither one of you knows quite what to do with. Maybe it would help if both of you can identify what it is that you are really angry about, and express those feelings, making it clear that you both own your own feelings and don't blame each other.

[prosecarousel]

I have PTSD and I don't hate my children but I do want them to go away and leave me alone quite often. Even if it is not intentional sometimes I feel like they want me to just hurry up and get better. Or just get over it. It is uncomfortable to them and they want to be able to fix it, or they can't deal with it at all so they just avoid it altogether. I suppose it is very hard to be an outsider not understanding what is going on. It gets very difficult when you are trying to be who your kids need you to be and you just can't. I would not want to be in their shoes. Sometimes I wish my kids could really listen to me and hear that I am healing. They know where I have been and that is very hard on them, but I want to share with them that I am healing as well. Most of all I want them to know that I love them even when I don't want them around me.

[Soidhonia]

Hello I hope you aredoing better at this time. I commend you on trying to help your aunt, but I think your aunt is depressed and needs help. Her mood is not normal, and I am sure she does not hatee anyone it could be the medicaiton she is taking and the drinking. the best advice I can give you is to let her have her space if you can, before it damages your self-esteem and your mental health. Your aunt may be going through menopause as well so then you are looking at 2 different issues to deal withs. I would just highly suggest cutting the visits short, and seeing if your aunt would like you to help her to get professional help from a counselor. Her behavior is nothing that you ahve done your aunt is just going through a lot of changes at this time in her life try not to take things too personal.. Take care soidhonia