[rothfan6]

I don't feel safe even when I'm completely alone and there is no threat. It's hard to explain. I'm not worried about a specific threat it's just an overwhelming feeling of needing to hide and wanting somewhere that's safe. Right now I pulled my dresser a little away from the wall and threw a bunch of blankets and pillows in the floor. I've been sitting here with my dogs squished between the dresser and the wall for a couple of hours. I don't know how to make myself feel safe Anyone else have experience dealing with this?

[Teacake]

Yes. When we are panicked, we may be sitting still like a rabbit but our insides are racing. You can calm the central nervous system by saying "voo". Song It low, like a foghorn, voooooo, as low as you can without straining your chest and voice. Who or boo or just ooh work just fine. Just a foghorn sound. Very relaxing.

Then stand steady on your feet and stretch nice and easy, with good balance, grounded on the floor.

Squats will use up a lot of adrenaline. Dont let your butt go helps your knees. Dont do wild squat thrusts. Do demi plies to ballet music or twerk in slow motion. Whatever you know or like. Just work your thighs and butt being careful to stay in reality. Steady and balanced on your two feet, and aware of your back and knees. Pushups against the wall are good too. Real careful with form. All you need to do is use your easy muscles.

You should feel relieved and sociable again.

Let me Know what works.

Originally Posted by rothfan6

I don't feel safe even when I'm completely alone and there is no threat. It's hard to explain. I'm not worried about a specific threat it's just an overwhelming feeling of needing to hide and wanting somewhere that's safe. Right now I pulled my dresser a little away from the wall and threw a bunch of blankets and pillows in the floor. I've been sitting here with my dogs squished between the dresser and the wall for a couple of hours. I don't know how to make myself feel safe Anyone else have experience dealing with this?

I've had some experience with this. Personally I think it stemmed from abuse & bullying I suffered as a child. I never really feel quite safe. But primarily when I've noticed it has been when I've been laid up with serious back problems. There have been times when I could barely move I was in so much pain. And during these periods, I would become paranoid worrying that someone might break in or there might be a fire or something. In the state I was in, I knew there would be almost nothing I could do & the more I thought about it the more paranoid I would become.

I have found that meditation is useful for this, both on a long-term basis, but also as a way of dealing with the fear in the moment. I would close my eyes, allow myself to feel the fear & breathe evenly as though breathing into the fear. This practice has been helpful for me.

[birdpumpkin]

I've been feeling afraid when alone and no threat, too. I'm okay while myhusband is at work, but if he's late I start to panic. Or if he gets a call and has to leave. Tomorrow he has to help his nephew, who is also in the same line of work, and I'm already anxious about it. He said it shouldn't take but 5 minutes, but I'm already "what-if"ing it - what if he has to wait on his nephew first and it ends up being a long time?? Even on weekends when he sleeps in I'm nervous til he gets up. I'm always up way earlier. At the hospital with mom, she fell asleep, and my dad fell asleep in a chair nearby. I had come with dad. I almost had a panic attack. My heart was pounding and I got real hot and felt I was going to start crying and was shaking. Just anytime I feel alone.

[kaliope]

I have always felt unsafe over nothing and it took a lot of positive self talk and reflecting back to see that there was no threat to over ride this to see that I was safe in my own home. so this is my safe zone now and I have made it safe to be there and have my rituals to keep it safe. unhealthily it is the only place I am ever at. take care

[rothfan6]

Thanks for the ideas everyone. Exercises and meditating sound a lot better than hiding out all day. It makes me feel really silly to cope like a kid. I guess it comes from my abuse and never really having a safe place where he couldn't bother me.

[Bolivar83]

Dear Rothfan6: know your post is a few days older, but wanted to reach out to you... I often feel this way (fearful for no [apparent] reason). I don't know if this is true for you, but usually there is some kind of trigger, however small, that sets off such deep fearfulness. Maybe it will be so for you?

I don't think it's childish to find a place to hide. I believe as long as I'm not hurting myself or others, I think it's okay to soothe yourself. You did what you needed to.

When I first got PTSD, I'd move furniture in front of my bedroom door, push the desk back and build a blanket nest there, where I felt safe with my cats. My sister and her partner (whom I stay with) even built me a special bolt for the door (built iron brackets into the doorway, designed a thick wooden bolt with iron handle so I could easily push it into the brackets and secure the door.) It looked medieval, but really helped my anxiety/me feel safer.

As time has gone on, the bolt was gradually removed, the furniture stays in place. But I have a lock on my door, and when I feel scared I still allow myself to make my nest and snuggle with pets.

I found, too, that having a "flight bag" [things I would need if I had to make a run for it] handy settled some of my anxiety. I still keep an aluminum bat under the bed. I've never had to use it, but it makes me feel more secure. Therapy and medications are helping, too.

Take care; please don't be too hard on yourself - being alone when having PTSD can be a daunting situation.

[rothfan6]

I'm glad you posted that really helps a lot. I do think I'm being triggered but I haven't been able to figure out what it is. Your right I'm not hurting myself, I guess there are worse ways I could cope. I would do it more often but I just feel really silly needing to hide. I wanted to set up a more permanent space but I don't want to have to explain it to someone. I guess I need to take care of myself better but it's hard to do. I couldn't without raising questions when I was a kid so I still just try to contain everything in my head and appear fine on the outside.

[Hellion]

I end up feeling the need to hide too even when there is no threat, I know its the mind being hyper-vigilant and body being prepared for whatever unseen threat, but that knowledge doesn't make it go away or any less severe. Before I dropped out of college I spent a lot of time before and between classes hiding in the bathroom like locking myself in a stall and just sitting there till I felt a bit safer...my trauma was at a highschool and college campuses remind me of that environment so it triggers my symptoms.

I certainly don't see that kind of thing as 'coping like a kid' I mean think about if someone actually was in danger or knew of a present threat...they probably would be hiding/running/getting ready to fight adult or child...so you're just reacting to body/mind signals telling you you're in danger when you're not its not much different than what people do if they are actually unsafe or have reason to believe they are. I feel like that comment reflects maybe you feel some shame/embarrassment about it...and I struggle with that to I always feel so embarrassed and pathetic whenever that happens even though I know I shouldn't be ashamed of something that's not even my fault.

[rothfan6]

Originally Posted by Hellion

I end up feeling the need to hide too even when there is no threat, I know its the mind being hyper-vigilant and body being prepared for whatever unseen threat, but that knowledge doesn't make it go away or any less severe. Before I dropped out of college I spent a lot of time before and between classes hiding in the bathroom like locking myself in a stall and just sitting there till I felt a bit safer...my trauma was at a highschool and college campuses remind me of that environment so it triggers my symptoms.

I certainly don't see that kind of thing as 'coping like a kid' I mean think about if someone actually was in danger or knew of a present threat...they probably would be hiding/running/getting ready to fight adult or child...so you're just reacting to body/mind signals telling you you're in danger when you're not its not much different than what people do if they are actually unsafe or have reason to believe they are. I feel like that comment reflects maybe you feel some shame/embarrassment about it...and I struggle with that to I always feel so embarrassed and pathetic whenever that happens even though I know I shouldn't be ashamed of something that's not even my fault.

I'm sorry high school was traumatic. I did the same in college. I would hide out in the bathroom or a hallway no one used between classes too.

I definitely feel embarrassed and pathetic for wanting/needing to hide in my own house when I live alone. I struggle between finding it really helpful and comforting and beating myself up about it. I am ashamed that I react that way. I can't wrap my head around why. I'm not panicked or afraid at the time I just have this overwhelming need to feel secure and I guess I don't know how to fill that need.

[Bolivar83]

Just wanted to say, I read that some triggers are subconscious (smells, the way the light looks, sounds, etc) so we can't know every source; maybe we'll never figure out all of them.

You sound like you are taking good care of yourself, respecting your feelings. Know what you mean, about "...[trying] to contain everything in [your] head..." I sometimes feel like I "emotionally vomit" [think: exorcist levels of spewing] and I try to keep a cool, detached facade when I feel overwhelmed with emotions. My therapist says this might be part of my problem, I'm trying to stuff feelings rather than acknowledging them and consciously deciding how to deal with them. Ah, well - baby steps....

Take care - glad you posted! - Bolivar

[rothfan6]

Wow I didn't know triggers could be subconscious too. I like things logical but trauma and emotions are not. Ptsd is so unpredictable some times. Somethings I know will likely trigger me and cause symptoms to get worse but other times I'm just blindsided. I hear you on "Emotionally vomit". I usually ignore feelings and let them back up on me until I don't cope in very healthy ways. Therapy is helping with that though. I've had a similar talk with my T about holding back emotions. He used an analogy about a cup filling up then constantly overflowing since it's never emptied emotions are not acknowledged or expressed.

I wanted to say this earlier but I ran out of time on my lunch break I think its awesome your sister built you the bolt for your door. That's pretty cool that she was understanding and supportive.