[wisewoman]

A few months ago the PTSD stuff got out of the bag and I didn't notice it in time. I was feeling very frightful ahd at risk of harm from my do and people in her office. I was awful because they all have taken on an attitude with me and treat me like a pin in the rump, The only thing I did was get scared, triggered, I tried to explain it to her but she took it very personal and was upset that I would question my safety with her, It is a lot more complicated, I have written about it here.

So a week or do ago I went to the HE doc and he was fine, distant and professional so I could handle that. I ended up with a bad upper respiratory infection, possibly pnemonia and now vertigo. I called the office the day before yesterday to tell them I am on the meds and this is how my symptoms are, She was going to get back to me and didn't. Vertigo really stinks. Nausea bumping into everything, just needing to keep one's had flat to reduce the drunken feeling.

I called her back today and she berated me and said Okay, fine, I will call the doc and see what he wants to do, She was rude, now I am struggling to figure out what to do. Do I get abused by this practice, even though I really am just asking for help? Do I run as fast as I can to get myself away, safe? What about the sickness whicg still needs to be treated? I want to scream.

[(JD)]

PTSD results in being triggered easily at times, and also catastrophizing many events that are really just normal people acting (out?) poorly at times.

Try to move on from this. Changing doctors or places might not solve anything, since ppl are ppl all over. Realize that due to the PTSD you might be "over reacting" from other's viewpoint. You just have to keep working on staying grounded when these things happen, and reducing them in intensity and occurrence as much as possible.

You really are safe.. right? I mean, step back and look at the situation as though it happened to someone else.. it is "just" poor service, but common to all offices imo.

Get what you need and forget the rest. It's part their problem if they are upset and can't understand.

Continue to advocate for yourself (like you do for others so well) the squeaky wheel gets the grease... once you have what you need... then maybe you can figure out how to do the whole thing better the next time?

TC

[wisewoman]

Sky, I think I am very ill and if I stand around waiting for them to come through I may be dead. I may not be all that sick and if I go in there and I am not any more ill then I have been for the past few weeks what does that mean? Have I been hitting the bottle with out knowing? I am tired and scared. Your message helps, really it does, but what do I do with the feeling of needing to be safe in Doc's office and realizing that I am not emotionally safe. If they hold ill thoughts for me how can I not be triggered? Are you saying I have to pretend to believe that they are not getting to me while I politely continue to advocate for what I need? It's a big office and part of the hospital's managed care system, It was better before that happened.

Also I have nade 2 complaints now with the hospital and/or staff, One was how I was treated in the E.R. During an accute back spasm time. I also complained that the ortho PA missed stuff on ex-rays thus allowing for several more days of intense pain. I simply told him how I felt about the care I did not get and the horrendous pain.

I think I need to be led by the nose here.

[(JD)]

Well, there isn't much I can say beyond the encouragement to continue to try, that would sound supportive.

In that... the system doesn't work at all for some ppl...and you might be one of them right now. It didn't work for me for many years...and now I don't think it really works any better, but with the help of my T I have learned how to not take it personally. I do suffer more than I think I have to at times, because of the way MDs and neuros and "the system" responds or doesn't, but what else can I do? I have learned, also with help of T, that my getting upset over things I can't change only makes ME worse. I don't need to feel worse. It's been a long road for me to get to where I am, and I'm still not excellent at it now, but learning to take an almost apathetic view (oooo T might not like that idea hehehe) about some things helps me to stay level some times.

There is a point where screaming for help does nothing but make you feel worse. Only you can find that line of when toughing it out is less pain than arguing for help. I am sorry you are in this situation. TC

[wisewoman]

You described my position perfectly. I am screaming for help and no one is hearng. Vertigo has to GO! All of my screaming for help is doing is perpetuate the myth for the people who work in my doc's office about who I am and what a pain in the neck I am. For me it rings too closely with beinga child and being told that having any needs made me bad and I shouldn't have needs or I would get hurt. I quess it was the truth then as well as now. They will not help me.

[(JD)]

Yes I'm sure it feels that way. But they will help you with the levels of their own competence and understanding. They don't understand pain at this level, I'm sure.

I'm glad you were able to connect the feelings to childhood, because now you can realize that they really aren't connected...and you can let that go. You know that having needs is only human, and not a bad thing, you know that now that you are an adult.

Having needs makes us vulnerable. And when we want someone else to meet those needs and they don't, it can infuriate us or at least frustrate us. I don't know why having to take care of ourselves makes us angry. It isn't logical. In reality, the more I can take care of my self the better I am. But, I sure wish others would do it for me sometimes.

Now, find the things that help you lower your pain.... I have to have typed listing of things, because I can't think of them on my own (even though I've been doing this for 20 years!) Make a list for yourself and then do as many as you can and need to for pain management.

Hopefully, in the future you will be able to talk with your MD about these flares and how you feel out of control and afraid of increased pain etc... and then she might also learn how to help you better.

[wisewoman]

Sky, it's not that I am angry because I want the doctor to take care of me but because docs have the drugs and sometimes the knowledge. I was denied care basically. But I am getting back on track. But, GET THIS! I had a weird feeling today and called the closest drug store to the doc's office and asked if a scrip had been called in and guess what? YUP YESTERDAY. They didn't even call me from the doc's office. This has happened several times in the past with other meds. The scrip is either sitting on their counter waiting for me to pick it up, or they phoned one in and didn't call me.

[(JD)]

Which reminds me, I forgot to call my MD for my scripts

[Soidhonia]

Hello Wisewoman. As a person with PTSD I will tell you running is not the answer because you will just limit your capabilities. If you have a problem then if possible address it with your Dr in a rational manner. Letters are very good, when you can not express yourself in person, but if you write a letter be personal and get to the point without pointing fingers or threatening. Just let the Dr know that you have PTSD and that being nervous, and feeling threatened triggers the PTSD. If you cant do this yourself have your Psych Office write a letter to them. There is no reason to feel threatened or nervous seeing a Dr because it will limit your ability to get the treatment you deserve, and the truth may help you to get treated more appropriately in the office, but you have to be fair and be willing to think in a rational manner, when the office workers are busy, and can not give you personal attention all the time as well. I am very sorry that you are hurt at this time, I just dont want to see you be hurt by not getting the treatment you deserve. Take care Soidhonia

[wisewoman]

I just saw your post Soidhonia and your very right. I need to try to stick it out. The issue here has been that the doctor took my PTSD reactions personally and it wasn't for her to do. I was not pointing fingers. I also do not see that I am demanding of office staff's time or attention. I try to get the pharmacist to get stuff for me, works smoother.

[Soidhonia]

Hello Wisewoman I hope things are getting better for you and your Doctorate care. Take care Soidhonia