[taylormade2]

It was suggested that I maybe post here to seek support. I'm very scared and I don't know what to do. I had my son Feb. 6 and shortly After he Was born I hemmoraged losing 5 units of blood. Since then I've experienced flashbacks, I see feel and hear the nurses. I still see the IVs. I can feel myself bleed and I keep reliving what they went through to save me. I have horrible thoughts telling myself that they should have just let me bleed and that I am a failure. I was on zoloft for 2 months but pulled myself off it because it freaked my family out and seemed to worsen my depression. Even when I try to distract my self I'm just not there mentally and I constantly space out on my husband. He's very concerned because Monday night I woke up screaming from a nightmare and after calming down I told him we had to go to the hospital because I was bleeding, but I was sitting in a nonexistent pool of blood. It was so real for me.
I'm contemplating going to the emergency room to receive attention because I have chickened out of several psychologist appointments. I had suicidal thoughts before being put on the zoloft and I'm afraid I'm headed down that spiral again. I'm scared someone will try to take my kids away. And I'm terrified of seeing the doctors and nurses, but the fear of not getting help is starting to outweigh that. Has anyone been in a similar position? Ehat can I expect if I get up the courage to go to the hospital? What can I do?

[Parley]

wow~ That must have been terrifying for you. hopefully you have a good support system to help you care for your new baby and any other young ones in your care.

I would never advise someone not to go to the hospital if they are in need but I am a bit confused on why you would choose the hospital over a psychologist for self care. I think if you do go to the hospital they will suggest therapy as well because it's just a quick fix for them. You need someone to help you work through your experience.

[taylormade2]

My only thinking on it is every time I schedule an appointment with a psychologist I back out. This has happened 4 times. The fear of speaking about what I'm going through is so overwhelming that I just shut down. I get courageous, book an appointment, then freak out and cancel the day before or don't even show. Then I feel worse because that isn't fair on the psychologist.
I was hoping maybe the hospital would be a more on demand approach?

[Patagonia]

I agree w/ Parley. You're having flashbacks of a great trauma your mind & body went thru.
I was on Zoloft for my 3 kids & the only side effect of the kids was they came out groggy, not the usual kicking & crying. They are quiet babies till the Zoloft wore off. I had some trouble breast feeding bec they fell asleep a lot.
I think you really need to seek out professional trauma help that can help you work thru these thoughts & feelings esp post partum. Get some help so you can take care of your new little one.
PM me if you like. Best of luck.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Teacake]

After childbirth your body trembles, to let go excess stress and tension. Childbirth is a big event. Your body gets pumped up and has a lot of reserve to shake off after. Shaking is how our body let's its stress and trauma go. When we are under medical care, being infused and all that, the body doesn't get to shake.

This sounds kooky but it isn't. See of you can let your body shake off the stress of childbirth. If you have kindle order David Bercelis Trauma Releasing Exercises book. Its ten bucks and an wash read. Do the exercises. Or order the book or borrow it from your library. Your librarian may buy it at your requear or borrow a copy from another library. Get the book and do the exercises. Look at people doing TRE on youtube. Its simple. Do the exercises with trusted people at home, just in case you have an intense or tiring experience. Trembling resets us after trauma or bit tension and you haven't been reset after childbirth. So have someone close by in case ot gets intense or you want to zonk after. You can visit while you tremble. Its that simple and natural.

Please do give it a whirl and report back.

My first childbirth was a very similar experience. I had severe hemorrhaging and was quite unwell for several weeks. Trying to breastfeed and care for my son was physically exhausting, but being my first child, I didn't realize exactly how bad a shape I was really in. I just thought I wasn't up to the task. (Of course once I went through my later birth experiences, I realized my first was anything but a normal situation.)

That birthing experience stuck with me for a long time. It was a traumatic delivery and, like you, I dreamed about it, constantly re-lived it in my mind, struggled with depression. I didn't go get help, but I probably should have.

I would encourage you to make an appointment with a therapist and work through this. The problem with going to the ER is that unless you are suicidal, they'll probably just tell you to find a therapist. Obviously if you become suicidal, the ER may be the way to go, but if you can get in to see a therapist and start working on this now, perhaps you will be able to avoid needing the ER and/or hospitalization altogether. I know going to a therapist is initially a scary idea, but it is honestly not a difficult as the ER or hospital, and it sounds like you have time to get that help now before things get that far.

You need to also talk to your OB/GYN about what is happening. They will have dealt with post-partum depression before and should be able to work with meds or refer you to someone who can. If you've already done that and the zoloft was what they prescribed, you need to let them know that the zoloft did not work. There are MANY other options medication-wise.

[ChipperMonkey]

The hospital is more of the "lockdown" approach. If you are a danger to yourself, you WILL be admitted and if there is no bed for you in the psych unit, you may be transferred to another hospital, or if you refuse, then you may end up in the ER for literally days until a bed opens up for you. And seeing a psychiatrist in the ER? That's pretty much a no-go in most hospitals. That is, you won't see a psychiatrist until you are admitted to the psych unit. So it is up to you as to which direction you go. But, don't expect the hospital to be a fast route to seeing a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist.