no emotions of events. Is it really PTSD?

Ok, I am new here and have spent days and hours searching online and in these message boards to find answers. So far, no real luck. I am beginning to wonder if my therapist is right. Any insights would be SOOO appreciated.
I set down with a therapist that I already trust and believe is very insightful. After completing the intake, he said he believes I have PTSD. I had never really thought of that as a reason for my inability to trust people and my complete lack of boundaries (that is enough to go into, this isn't a therapy session... LOL) After listening to the criteria, I thought he might be correct. I used to have invasive thoughts of things that had occurred, but I "put them away" years ago and they really haven't bothered me in a long time. I still get small memory flashes, but I pray them away.
My biggest question to whether this is true is that people talk about being very emotional when they think about their trauma. I don't really feel anything at all. I put the situations away so long ago, I hardly think about them at all and when I do, I don't feel anything, just the knowledge that something happened.
My therapist says we are going to be using exposure therapy to deal with this, but as I research this, I am worried I am not going to have any feelings when I begin to talk about it.
Opinions of those with PTSD.... Am I just missing something or is my problem something else? I am so scared I am going to mess up therapy, if that is possible.. LOL.. (oh yes, I do have an issue with people pleasing and it would crush me if I messed up in there)

Hi and welcome. I am no expert, can only speak for myself and what i have read or learnt in therapy.

I, like you, put all my memories away and spent years also putting away the emotions, so for a long time in the beginning I either felt nothing or didn't allow myself to. I believe on e of the things that can be common with PTSD is emotional numbing......where you just don't 'have' or allow emotion. I understand it is a defense mechanism.....I fall back on it frequently, but am beginning to see that it really is not useful.

Have you thought about talking to your T about this, asking him to explain exactly why he thinks this is the right diagnosis for you?

And.....you can't mess up in therapy, it is for you, so whatever you need to say ought to be ok. Good luck and take care

Hello, nfoonptsd.

5 Things Not to Worry About in Therapy | World of Psychology
6 Ways to Open Up and Talk in Therapy | World of Psychology

I wish you well.

Thank you for the words JaneC and the links Glok, I read them.

I "know" you can't officially mess up in therapy, but there are things that mess up therapy or its success. Like I look at the things I do and I do think he might be right on PTSD, but then I realize I don't have any connected a emotions when thoughts of what happened come to my mind (I just shake my head and make myself think of something else and they usually go away now). Most PTSD sufferers that I have read about are extremely upset when the images come into their mind. Sometimes I catch myself about to cry, but I can shake it off pretty quickly.

I don't understand 'emotional numbness' in its true since. I do have some emotional connection as I can get upset with my husband and I cry occasionally and I laugh at the tv. So I am guessing that means I am not numb to my emotions. Now I also notice that outside of those things, I know WHEN certain situations warrant certain emotions, but I don't think I truly have a physical feeling with them. But I don't know what happens to other people to know if I am just like everyone else.

I don't want to pretend something is here that is not and I don't want to pretend something is not here that is. I DO know something is wrong because of the extremes I go to in order to keep 'self' safe. But I don't know if that means it is PTSD or not. I know I can't mess up, but I don't want to mess up... LOL

Numbness is part of It.

When I went exploring the reason behind episodes of dissociation, I triggered flashbacks to an event I always had awareness of, that I had seen a young friend begin to die and walked her to the college nurse, but in flashback for the first time I realised that I had had very strong emotions of horror and sorrow aw It happened. I had been slamming along being very gentle as she sang her last song to the Sep5ember sky over campus, but inside I was racing and forcing down shrieks and wails and all kinds of emotional expressions I suppressed for the sake of my friend and because my culture despises histrionics.

Later I accumulated more trauma. When we are walking about traumatised we are less able to deal effectively with life and trauma snowballs on us. I recall constant numbness to all sensation and feeling as the very worst symptom I had. I begged my overmedicating doc to give me Naltrexone, the opiate blocker, so I could feel again. Numbness, being up in our head with or thoughts, split from our bodies hich have our life force and our joy of living, is probably the root of our suicide rate. We lose four Americans an hour to suicide. One of the four is a military veteran. Yet ptsd and trauma in general remain stigmatized, belittled and misunderstood. Trauma contradicts our most basic superstitions about a God who punishes the bad and protects the good and obedient. It all comes tumbling down. It feels good to feel again. Even when It hurts. Remember that the opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality.

I had no feelings about what happened to me at all for years. Sometimes it felt like it nevver happened at all. I had really bad PTSD, but didn't really have feelings about my trauma until I went through PET.

Wow guys, thanks. That really does help.
I am strange in that I trust people but don't trust anyone... LOL.. But I really do trust my therapist and his insight, but the more I was reading on peoples reactions to their trauma and how I don't feel anything really but a few facts; I started questioning.
Now part of me is even a bit more spooked now because if you guys are saying you didn't really feel anything about it at first, does that mean if I start to improve I am going to? Not sure how much I like that idea either. LOL

**and sorry, not sure these replies are making it in an understandable manner as I am a newbie and my posts have to be reviewed before posted. Sorry if it is confusing in any manner.

What's PET?

Prolonged Exposure Therapy

oh... Thank you.

I don't want to do that...