why should i trust?

My therapist said recently that my negativity and suspicion is getting in my way and that I need to establish close relationships with people in order to get over the ptsd. just typing this, I want to rip a hole in the wall. I don't want to trust. I want to get revenge on the men who ruined my life. i know this is not healthy but it's how I feel, and there is nowhere to go with the anger. you're supposed to let it go and move on but i don't know how, I can't stop thinking GET AWAY FROM ME. just want to be left alone.

thanks for reading.
cthonica

Sadly, if this is the way your T suggested you get over your PTSD, he needs to reread the manuals. PTSD prevents us from doing those things. PREVENTS our being able to do so. There are some terrific books on PTSD and what it is, what it ISN"T and how to cope, what to expect.

Plus, it takes more than reading the books, because we forget, and because we need reassurance constantly... because we feel so out of control.

You need to first work on being able to trust your T. Iwould discuss this with him, and how he suggests you find trust to go out and trust! If it isn't what he meant, then it's a good starting point to understand each other and build that trust.

Silly statement. If tha's what the T said. Wanna hear another one Iheard recently from a rheumatologist? He said he doesn't treat pain. But then he gave me lidocaine patches for pain. HUH?

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

cthonica

It's very hard when people tell you to move on when you yourself isn't over it. The fact that you are holding in so much anger towards the people that have hurt you, you're not ready for it. You do have to stop being angry, stop living in the past and reliving everything that you've gone through, it's tough to do I am just doing that now after 7 years of dealing. You can live with the regret that it happened and still move on with your life. You cannot live with the anger, shame and guilt, no one can live with that. Your therapist is right in away, that's no way to live ,but I totally understand where you are coming from hon. IT's touch to deal with this crap. You are welcome to PM me anytime, my email I think is on there and you can email me if you need too.

Have you picked up any books on abuse?

I have a really REALLY good book on body memories... It's called:

The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment
by Babette Rothschild (Author)..

Another good book that I have on trauma is called: Trauma and Recovery
by Judith Lewis Herman (Author)

Take care of yourself, maybe i can help you with all this crap you are going through, You sound like me , but I don't have the anger, I don't think that I ever did.. I personally didn't realize how much it actually effected me until oneday out of the blue I Realized it.

Take care of yourself ok?


<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

hey sundance girl.

thanks for the book suggestions. I have read Trauma and Recovery, great book, actually I discovered it years ago before i heard of ptsd or knew that it was wrong to get children involved in sexual activity. I really didn't understand any of that, it's amazing what does not occur to us.

definitely will check out The Body Remembers as well. As for anger... i guess it took me until just this year to really be angry about stuff that happened when i was four. That's twenty years during which I was nothing but tense, shy, closed off from my feelings. i think that this might be more of who i am, my real self, not the anger itself but the sense of injustice and wanting to be a fighter. i feel like I have always had that in me wanting to get out and express itself. Everyone is different though -- some people i've known in group therapy were naturally more forgiving, laid back, genuinely sweet and seeking peace above all else. i am touched by that quality in them.

gotta go eat dinner now. sky, i will write to you later, thanks for the affirmation.

best regards
cthonica

sky:

thanks... my therapist and I have discussed trust between us. I have said I sometimes want to trust her but a number of things keep it from happening. for one thing, it's not like we're friends -- we would never see each other if she wasn't getting paid to talk to me. also I think she sees me as a curiosity, or a challenge or whatever. And she thinks my dark sense of humor is not healthy, whereas I see it as a positive skill.

take care
cthonica

I hear ya, I was always tense, nervouse, ect for soo soo sooooo long until my bf, with him I feel safe, the others nope. It's sometimes are to forgive, some people can do it, others cannot, and that's their choice, i've never forgiven, but I confronted my ex, and he told me that he doesn't remember... yeah right.

Definatly pick up that book, I can relate to it so well, I think I Gotta re-read it again but that's ok.

Take care.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

c of course you want to trust her.... she has to earn it. Ppl who have been 'injured' put up barriers to being hurt again... and she knows this.

Dark humor? Boy I sure can relate. Yes, it's a skill and has worked wonders for us in the past... however your T is right, it isn't healthy. Try at least to stop yourself from using it when you are in session with your T (once you learn other ways to protect yourself, you'll drop it outside the session also.)

That's where it might begin I think, to trust her. Not by giving her secrets or such, but by limiting our defense mechanisms, little by little, as best we can, so the words of wisdom that will lead us home can permeate our lives.

Does any of this make sense?

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>