[Butterfly_Faerie]

I suffer a flash back in the form of a body memory, I don't get the whole movie playin in the back of my head ect... They can come out of no where, I could be reading a book, something on the book will trigger even if it wasn't even violent. A movie a show...... even my boyfriend has, but not lately. I find the biggest trigger that I am aware of is grabbing the back of my neck and squeezing..

Anyone else experinence this?

~Sundance

[shakes]

Sundance,
I can when I sleep. After I was raped I still had to sleep in the same bed where it happened because I was living in a dorm. I used to get body flashes, like the guy touching me and hurting me still. It is creepy. The have gone and do not happen nearly as much as the mind flashes. But I can understand what you mean. I do not know how to make them stop.

Stay strong,
Jessica

You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again.

[(JD)]

Sundance & shakes... (((hugs)))) <font color=purple> yeah... the body remembers. Flash backs come in all sorts of forms.. and it sounds like that's what you are experiencing.

They say the sooner you can talk through this with a professional -who is trained in PTSD- the easier it will be... and talk is what it takes. Lots of it, with help to reformat the memory.

In PTSD the trauma isn't categorized properly, it isn't filed away like other memories and that's why they continue to intrude. We have to rehash the memory and refile them properly (changing of thinking and brain chemicals etc..) and it isn't something we can do by ourselves.

It isn't your fault that this has happened, not the event and not the way you processed it. The brain is made the way it is, and responds to protect us depending upon the situation.

good wishes to all with PTSD ... it's a beast we fight.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Hello Sky

Yes I know what you are saying, and it makes perfect sense. My psychiatrist told me that what I was experinceing was body memories. I never thought of it as a flashback but she said that it was.

I haven't gotten one in awhile so that is good.

I am also reading a novel that is strictly about body memories. It's called: The Body Remembers by Babette Rothchild? I think that is her name .... I haven't read it in awhile and might have to start it over again, but it is a great read.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Hi Jess

The only thing that I was told to help those triggers not to be meant to be harmful is to keep doing it. Like the touch on the back of my neck , whenever my boyfriend does it it wasn't meant to be hurtful so she told me (my shrink) is to get him to keep doing it and then eventually the mind will click in that it isn't meant to harm and that trigger will stop eventually.

When I was raped it was a violent. My ex threatened me alot (a few times anyways) that he could rape me if he wanted too. We lost our virginity together and after that is when he got worse wanting it all the time, he had to get off minimum 3 times a day ect.

That one afternoon we were in my room (we were always in my room) and he wanted to, I Said that I didn't want to , I think there was threat there at that time, and it just happened, i never thought it was rape until I was told...

Anyways so that's what happened to me.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[shakes]

(((((((((Sundance))))))))))))))
You are extremely brave. It took a lot of courage to just post your story to me. I can agree with your therapist in that allowing people you trust to help you through your body memories is great. If you can trust your boyfriend to touch your neck in order to help you get through this then that is great. It probably will take a long time but I am sure that you can overcome memories like that.
If it helps I know what you mean. I never let men touch my face with their hands for a very long time. It took being with a man that I trusted a great deal before I could get over that fear.
God sweetie no wonder you hate your room so much...that is completely understandable considering how much has happened to you there.

Stay strong sweetie,
Jessica

You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Thank you shakes..

All of it with my ex happened in my room, or on my bed period. Sucks, I don't tell my boyfriend however to touch my neck and to continue to do it until I stop having body memories. Just can't deal with that and what not. It hasn't happened in awhile so I'll just deal with it when it comes along again.

If you've read my posts on "my story" and "saying no expierences" you'll notice that I went through all through out the years. But It's time to just deal and move on i'm sick of living in the past, I want to move on towards the future.


<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[shakes]

Sundance,
That is really awesome. It takes some people their whole lives to find the strength to do that.

Stay strong,
Jessica

You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Still working on it, I'm going to put it on the back burner for now... because I haven't got one in awhile.

Dunno if that will do more harm then good, but we will see.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[cthonica]

hey,

i see where your therapist is coming from with the idea to have your boyfriend keep doing that.. however I have not had much success with that method because to me it seems like, I really just need to be the one deciding exactly who is going to touch me, where and when, and it can't be something i allow at the advice of anyone else. This is my conclusion after a few years of trying stuff like what you're talking about. i had a therapist say I should not give up safe touch and that even if it did not feel safe to me, i should try to remind myself i am not in danger. What happened with that was, even when I managed not to be freaked out or have flashbacks, i would get really angry. I would notice in my head stuff like "so what if it is safe, it is awful anyway so just get away from me leave me alone" etc. You didn't say anything about the anger issue and maybe it is not a problem for you, if not that's great & I am not saying you should feel anger if you don't.

best regards
cthonica

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Hi cthonica

I hear what you are saying, I never did the safe touch, keep doing it until body memories disappear, I'm not comfortable with asking my boyfriend to touch me.

I seem to have my body memories the most with the back of my neck because that is where he always use to grab, squeeze and yell. I remember just freezing, not being able to move, all I did was cry...

I rarely get triggered now and I feel wonderful about that obviously, but I don't want to have to put myself in that situation, cause then it ruins the rest of my day/night. A name use to trigger me, his name for obvious reasons, as well as being called woman, it still actually bothers me cause my guy still says that to me once in awhile, but I try and not let myself be bothered my it because what happend to me is in the past, and I can't be living in the past anymore and feeling the shame and the guilt. Yes I regret that it happened, but I can live with the regret of things, not the guilt..I'm tired of blaming myself for it, when it was all him...

I'm definatly feeling more empowered, and i've never EVER said that or felt that before.

Take care,

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[cthonica]

I'm glad you feel stronger. It's such a high when you realize, oh... I have a choice... I don't have to keep getting hurt.

i used to go out with someone who would say "good girl," and like an idiot I thought that i was being brave not to let it get to me. Except it did get to me, obviously, it was a complete trigger-- I basically knew that the whole time, but I wanted to be "strong." I thought i was real tough. What a joke.

I am single at the moment. Also not dating much, and not sleeping around like I used to. it is ok but I think I need more friends, just people to laugh with.

hope your weekend is good.
cthonica

[Butterfly_Faerie]

I hear you, sometimes you just need friends, I'm lucky I found someone who doesn't hurt me, abuse me ect... I have a good man now...

It does feel good to say that I am stronger, I could never do that before, never believed it but it's the truth, I wouldn't let myself get into potentially harmful situations, my 'daydreams' or minimal... bad dreams are at a stand still, and I haven't got a trigger/body memory in a long time.. Don't think I have anyways, if I did get triggered by something it was for a split second.

My weekend is dandy.. hehehe

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>