lost my connection to life

i was in love...i mean i could feel it...for real...it never haappened with any1 else but her....that night we were out celebrating for she was pregnent...after party she left for her place in her car...i was on my bike...just a km behind her...i called her to say something nt important and that i love her....while we were talking her car hit the side of the road and rolled over...i was still on the phn..i rushed to her...pulled her out...bt she was gone nd so was our baby...
i had very hard 2 year after that...nightmares, were like my routine...i went into tharapy that didnt help...it has been 4 years now...i can still hear her screeming.
i feel myself responsible for what happened that day....
now i cant connect with the real world...cant feel what normal people feel....i dnt knw what to do anymore....
what do i do?
how do i find my connection?
how do feel alive again?

((ridicknotme)) I am so sorry for your losses. That really sounds extremely hard to deal with. I feel for you and what your life has been like since. It was not your fault. I believe that when it is our time, it is our time.

I know this may seem difficult but I think that you will never be able to replace her or your baby but life begins again when we reach out and love again. I have put myself on hold for some years now because of my loss and my therapist told me to love again. I really believe that until I do this, I won't feel connected to life like I did before. I hope that you find some solace in my words. Regards.

Oh ((((ridicknotme)))), what you have just shared is such a tramatic scenario. It is no wonder you are struggling so much. The brain can have a very, very hard time with that kind of experience, after all, you are only human.

Your brain will need a lot of "patience and time" to learn just how to process that, it doesn't happen overnight either. Also, you sound like you are really young yet so that makes it more of a challenge.

This loss was not your fault, you were young and in love and you both got distracted and an accident took place. This is something that does happen to many human beings, and it is always extremely difficult for people to process and find their way to moving forward in their lives.

When a loss like this takes place a person really never does forget it and they do have a tremendous need to talk about it. We are designed that way so that we sound an alarm to each other so others will be more aware and more careful. We are also designed to look at traumatic things that take place too, that is because we are always driven to learn and build on our information so that we develop a sense of "prevention".

Your challenge to process this is something that is a normal reaction with a trauma like this. You need to be very patient with yourself, yes, it has changed your life, it has changed your awareness of life and the meaning of life as well. However, you can learn to develop a higher appreciation for life, and you can use this experience in positive ways, even though you don't see that right now.

When something like this happens, one needs to learn how to appreciate life "in the moment" and that while this girl's life was short, what she did have is love, your love that did bring a quality to her life, and some people live their entire lives never experiencing that.

What is learned by this kind of experience, is how very fragile life is, and that one must embrace each moment, each day with an appreciation of life with an understanding that we never really do know how long our lives will be.

One can embrace a thought of I loved, she was special, she is gone, I am devastated. To, she was special, I loved her, she was so very valuable to me and now I have come to see/feel/experience how very much a young woman can have so much value, so I will take from this and see the true value in others, because while she was here, that is what she taught me.

One of the things that "can" happen when one really loves and is loved that is lost this way, is they can learn the true "value" of a life. Well, we live in a world where there are so many that do not "value a life" and they have done horrible things to others because of this too. The one thing that is desparately needed in this world are people that "do" know the value of one life, every life. Because you have learned this in such a profound way, you can develop an inner strength and set out to teach others to learn too, how to recognize the importance of another's life.

That is something you should write down and when you do struggle, embrace that message and think about what you can do with your life to use for others in a positive way from what you have learned to value from this one life. That is the best way to carry her with you ALWAYS.

(((Caring Hugs)))
OE

oh my goodness i'm so sorry you had to go through that. and i'm sorry for your terrible losses. know that PC will always be here if you need to vent

thanks for the support guys...mean a lot to me...

the thing is i dont feel...like at all....i dnt knw how do i appriciate life....i see people in the moring on feild working out...i see kids going school...i my self go to clg....people work hard all there life...people feel people...they love people....they hate people....they do a lot of things....i do all of those things as part of an act....i dnt feel one bit...when see people i see just a animal living its life with a lot of rules and for what...to just die one day....i think i m nt human any more....

If I were in your shoes, I would ask myself what she and the child would want you to do with your life, and then do it. I know what I am saying is not easy. It is very, very hard, but I think if you truly love them (and it is obvious you do) you must find the strength to live as they would want you to.

Love and Blessings,

WW

You are "numb", that is normal after experiencing a trauma like this that is so severe, and you have experienced "two" traumas because you also saw your friend drown.

Ok, now you see people working in the fields and going to school and you are going to college right now? Yes, you are seeing people doing "life" here and there. You are doing life right now too, but you are numb right now because of the trauma, it is also normal to ask the question you asked, even not feeling human, but detached, that is the numb. Keep doing, keep learning, keep going forward, let life slowly come back into you. It takes "time".

when think abt that...all i can think is what she actually wanted...and what plans we made together....

i have been numb for 4 years now...its like reality to me now...sometyms even feel that all the people outthere are also acting like me....the only thing keeps me still searching is that what we had was real too...
the people i see around doing life, i think it to point less...i feel they dont do it because they want to...bt they are taught to...by all those rules of society from wihich no one can breakfree...

If you have PTSD, it doesn't matter where you are, the symptoms can present the numbness and thoughts you are discribing. However, there is also a heightened sense of awareness and sensitivity and yes, one can notice how others "do" follow along with the rules of a society in many ways "blindly" too.

While there is a kind of numbness and detachment, there is also a great deal of emotional sensitivity. It is a huge "wait a minute" that really does "hurt human beings and it's so wrong" that takes place. It's like being wide awake while others are walking around in a mindset of "sleep mode, or safe mode" which is believing it is best "not to feel" because it's too distracting.

Also, because of this new sensitivity, one begins to recognize how many people don't have the needed respect for others, the lack of empathy or ability to understand the significance of empathy too. The constant message is "Just Ignore, Just dont dwell, Just forget". It becomes very clear how so many can even get angry if you "need to feel and talk about feeling", STOP is something for example that my husband says to me, DON'T is something I hear a lot, and I CAN'T HELP YOU, is another one. One begins to recognize how so many honestly don't know how to actually sit with another individual when that individual needs to grieve and talk about their emotional challenges either. It can get very lonely, can lead one to feel they are too much of a burden and consider exiting life, that is how I felt.

While these challenges are very real and confusing, with patience and time and support, because you are not alone with this challenge, you can see life from a very different perspective and even become a person that will not tell others to "JUST" but instead will have the capacity to "sit with others and listen and help them grieve and grow" instead.
However, it does take time to get to that level, lots of patience, hard work that many others will not understand.

I understand that you are 4 years into living this new sense of awareness and you are seeing a lot of "realities" that "many" simply do not see. You need to grieve that too, however, you can slowly and gradually work through this and grow and learn and gain.
Life "is" fragile, you have definitely been forced to face that fact, yes, it's scarey too. And one of the reasons so many are not empathetic and fall into following along is because they feel "safer" that way, it's a "safe mode" many attach to out of "fear", fear of feeling and not knowing what to do about it.

((Hugs))
OE

dnt take me wrong....actually my mother tounge is nt english so i sometym get cought into lines....but what i understood from what u said is that what feel now is the actual realty...no love no nothing...just living beings trying to live...an i should embrace my thoughts and learn more...
because i m numb i see the big picture....

now i already understand what said to me...that my sences are strong etc....i can feel that in me....bt the thing is knwing that all we r trying to do is to live and live by the rules makes me even less sensitive to problem of the people...i get sensitive abt why r they trying so hard...if only they could see the world by my eyes....they think that the purpose of life is to be happy....to earn for them nd their family...to laught dance make others happy fall in love with some1 and kiss them make love and so on.....i just what them to knw thats not real if not then i want myself to forget whats real...i m nt able to do any of the 2.../
i do a lot of stuff to forget what i knw i keep my self busy...i run i dance i go to gym i draw i sing.i write.i make videos i play games bt at the end i m again stuck to the same thing...

That is such a sad and terrible thing to happen.

What sort of therapy did you have? Was it EMDR?

lost my best friend 3 days ago...cant explain what is going in my head...all memories just making me wana hit smthing...

(((ridicknotme))),

I am so sorry you lost your best friend, you have experienced a lot of loss in your life so far, it is understandable that you have a lot of anger about that. Are there any grief counselors you can see to help you through all this grief?

((Gentle Caring Hugs)))
OE

Hi all. I am a final year undergraduate student. I have shared my story with u guys so u know bit of me. I have a strong desire for studying cognitive science. It's like life to me. I gave applied in the two colleges that are there in India and got selected in one of those. The college I got in is at bad location and I m not very sure about it. And when I say bad it mean very bad. It is a very new place for me. On the other hand my family says I should prepare for administrative position in India it's a tough test but I think I can clear it. They say my life will be easy and I will be respected by all. It will bring high status for the family. And I am tempted to this idea too. I can see my future in the second option and I don't know what will become of me in the first one. Also family says I can find a girl of same cast here preparing for the job where as at the college I will not find suitable girl and they want me to have a love marriage rather then arranged but girl should be of same cast. My head is spinning between these options and I don't know what to do. One time I am in favor of studying and second I find it very uncertain. I haven't slept for two days now. I don't know what to do.