Hubby's primary care physician gave him the name of a T. He thinks it would be helpful if hubby talked to someone about "what's going on with me." That it might help hubby's stress level.

Hubby has been reluctant to mention it because he knows I would "take it the wrong way."

What a screw-up. Not bad enough that I sufer from it...it being the PTSD beast.

The one thing I didn't want to happen did. MY STUFF spilled over and tainted someone else.

So much that the one person in the world I care most about, now needs a T.

[lemmkins]

(((((Petunia )))) gentle hugs.

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. Your husband loves you. It is unfortuate that the things that you have been through affect the ones you love. But know that in his seeking help, it may be just what you and he need. He may be able to better understand you and your relationship. It may be a really good thing.

My thoughts are with you.

lemmkins

[nothemama8]

No, no, no, it's not your fault, hubby loves you what happens to you happens to him, you and he are one in this relationship, Pet if it was happening to him you would feel the same and want whats best, right?

I know you guys, the voice of reason agrees with you both.

It's the other voice I'm hearing though. The one that is calling me a useless piece of crap for not being able to hold myself together...once again.

Stand up. Fall down. Stand. Fall.

I'm tired of being me.

[Rio_]

(((((Petunia))))) Don't listen to that voice! Sorry you're finding things so hard.

[Christina86]

*wants to tell Petunia's other voice to shut the heck up*

Petunia, nobody - and I mean NOBODY can hold themselves together all the time. You have very valid reasons for being so upset right now.

I've got some lyrics for you that I'm going to post in Creative, it'll be called "I'm Tryin'". You're trying, that's as much as any of us can do at times.

I hope it gets easier for you soon.

[(JD)]

I wish before my family abandoned me that they had bothered to ask a professional how to understand what had happened to me (accident/ptsd) but they didn't. I'm glad your spouse is interested in trying to understand that what you go through is NOT all in your head, nor presently controllable. I just wish your physician had bothered to know and explain it first to him.

Thanks for the lyrics, Christina. They're very appropriate.

I just wish your physician had bothered to know and explain it first to him.

Oh, he's met with my T and p-doc quite a few times. This is his primary care physician, suggesting it to him because hubby is so stressed he talked with his Dr about it. (not just about me but work and life in general.)

I've managed to keep my stuff in T for the most part. Hubby knows my stuff, (we were married when my brothers died etc) and he knows what happens in T, but I try my hardest not to let it "sit in the kitchen with us."

I think what he is trying to understand is why isn't anything "helping" me. Therapy, meds and I still fall apart. We met with T last month before she went out and talked about it. He understands but it stresses him out to see me fighting so hard.

I keep falling down and now feel responsible because he is too. I guess I didn't realize how bad it is for him.

Tunia--

I'm not always so good at expressing myself-- so I hope you'll understand me here..... it's all complimentary.

OK-----......
I think the reaction of your husband's is the utmost proof of deep and true LOVE. I know you don't want him to be upset and that is your deep and true love for him. You see-- you feel for each other-- that is so beautiful.

When I was in a clinical depression, lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks-- down to 105lbs, crying every night for hours on the bathroom floor.... and my husband got angry and fought with me.... I was getting in the way of his life. At the time he'd been seeing a T. for 4 months(for anxiety with work) and I was told by my doctor that I need to see a T..... so I went and saw my husband's T...... well, this T. sat there with is jaw agape..... he couldn't believe the state I was in and my husband had said absolutely nothing about me... nothing at all.... so T. had no idea. kind of hit me hard too-- as I'd thought husband would have said something to his T.

So, you see-- even though I know you feel bad and think you are bringing someone down-- it's actually a show of deep love and caring. And I think for him to consider seeing a T. to better cope is like him wanting to even be more for you.
I hope you don't mind that I see the beauty of it.. it so touches my heart.

I wish all that is kind and good for you and Mr. Petunia.

and I hope you've understood my post.

mandy

Mandyfins

I understood your post. It was very sweet of you to post that.

[nothemama8]

Petunia without the crap how do we know what the good days are?
also if ya didn't have crap around purple petals won't grow, right?

Petunia, You know it may not just be about your PTSD. It maybe that your hubby has his own underlying issues that are being effected by your ptsd??? Perhaps your PTSD is just a "cover" for his issues?? Just a thought! I know since I started my recovery, I see my husband isn't as "Sorted" as I once believed.

You're right mouse. I know it's not just about me. He is under a lot of stress at work, an aging mother, worried about money etc.

But it was this last meltdown I had that really shook him up and now he is worried about me on top of everything else. His Dr wants him to talk to somebody so this onset of anxiety doesn't spiral out of control. Kinda "nip it in the bud" thing.

We have been together for twenty-something years. He has been through it all with me. He is really upset and nervous lately because he sees how unstable I can become with the smallest of bumps in the road.

That's where my guilt comes in.

[Calm]

Petunia, I so relate to what you posted about. I despise my problems, and I totally understand how those living with us are impacted by our issues. My husband is supportive but I know it has to be a huge drain on him. His work is very stressful and he really doesn't need me adding to that stress. When will I decide enough is enough? I feel like a blood sucking leech. My voice of reason is on vacation.

[allthegirls6]

Petunia,

Im sorry this has happened. But as you say your husband has some other stuff going on and I dont think its all you. I think you hit the nail on the head when you say you have been married 20 odd years. It seems to me that whatever is going on he must feel that you are worth sticking round for. I know we do.

((( Calm )))

My husband is supportive but I know it has to be a huge drain on him.

Exactly. That's exactly how I feel.

((( girls )))