Goodbye

I said goodbye to my wife yesterday; numerous months ago she told me that in a real sense that I was searching for home; and she was right. Yesterday when I was telling her goodbye, I told her that when I was with her in the past few months I started to see glimpses of what home could look like, and I was finally beginning to imagine that "home" could be with her. I won't say that she was the "one" or the only one for me, but I know that I love(d) her and the few pleasant memories will stay with me for a long time; but I really thought that I could slowly begin to let my walls down. I really thought that perhaps one day she would be able to understand my inner demons and be my "soft place to fall."...as I was writing that sentence she called me to talk about "logistics"; I thought we had spoken about everything; and I've asked her not to call again, it's too painful for me.
It's so hard to be all alone in this world; yet each time I allow myself to get close to someone, I end up feeling more justified in my desire to keep everyone at arm's length.
Feeling so completely alone at this moment...

I am sorry for your pain ((((((((((((Jonalexa))))))))))))

{{{{{{{{{{{{JONALEXA}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Just want to let you know that know matter how you feel, you can always come here and tell us anything. I don't know your whole situation, but I can relate to what you said about getting close to someone then wanting to keep everyone away at arm's length. We all desire companionship with support and caring friendship. It can feel very hard when we are hurt. You are not alone. I've been there enough myself, I think. Things will get better. Keep posting.

As always, thanks so much for your support; hoping that life is treating you so much beter than It seems to be treating me.
I have to have faith that things will look up for me soon.

(((((((((((Jon)))))))))))) I am so sorry. You are definately not alone. Please come here for support and friendship. We're here for you and for each other.

In a way, I know how you're feeling. The very few times I've let my walls down, I've been hurt badly, and every time, the wall comes back - stronger then before. Most nights, I cry myself to sleep.

Since coming here, I've found repreave from the lonliness and hurt. In fact, I've found acceptance and dare I say, friendship. I hope you feel the same.

Hugs, Jon, and remember - we're here for you.

((Jonalexa)) I'm glad you're here and reaching out. I'm sorry for the painful time you're going through. I know the feeling of wanting to retreat. Actually I've been doing that for about 2 years, I guess. I keep in touch with my old friends and my online groups like this one. You'll get through this. We're here for you. I know it's not the same, but it's something. Good luck to you! Annie

...sorry you are going through this. I understand being alone.


<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

Thanks all; I'm so grateful that I found this site, it's helpful to share my struggles with people who are there or have been there, but I just need someone "with skin" as a woman once told me...thanks for your support
J

((((((jonalexa)))))))

Hang in there jon, it takes time to heal, but you will get there. Trust me,

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

Thank you sundance, it's been a few days since I was suicidal so there's a plus--I just feel so alone and lost.
J

Jon...I hope I didn't offend you on Friday night in the chat room. If I did I'm sorry. Please send me a message.

Kim

no, not at all! I just got kicked off the server; I am more than happy to talk about my suicidal tendencies and my depression--I think it's the reason why I'm supposed to be here.
Jon
PS. It takes much more to offend me