Unspoken Fear

I realized recently that I am almost always afraid, nervous, watching. I also see that it has been ehausting me. I have been able to sleep lately, which helps, but aparently not tonight. I have been dealing with the trauma forever but the fear in my body doesn't want to chnge easily. I am currently on hyper-alert. It is not any fun. Nothing rational in my fear right now. What a kick in the pants. Some days I can redirect better then others. Any wise words out there?

Welcome to the forums.

Well, you must have at least a small handle on this, since you posted in the right spot!

You say you have been dealing with it forever. Two questions, if you don't mind: how long is forever to you? how have your been dealing with it?

I hope you have a T who is experienced with working with PTSD and it's surrounding issues.

I'm also awake... have a medical doctor's appointment later this morning, and never sleep prior to it: especially now since she kind of "tuned" on me of late.... very triggering.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

Forever is pretty intenseley for the last 16 years. Mostly in the last 10. Have had a good t for the last ten. Sounds like forever. I can see changes, couldn't even discuss this stuff before but now I can see other ways that I am affected. FEAR, ANXIETY, and this latest bout of what they are calling depression but I wonder if you can get an unbearable resurgence of the ptsd to do the same thing, or is it the same thing as depression at this point? I don't have it figured out. I can say that words around my experience are triggering to me, all of the time. I can say that my current life has been frought with disasters, stress, conflict and hell. My old life was full of boobie traps, memories of torture and abuse beyond what anyone I know discusses. I am trying to feel better. Working hard on it. Yes, I am general because being too specific scares the hell out of me. My thoughts are disjointed still though getting better. I can see pretty clearly. That's what scares me.

(((((WISE WOMAN))))) my thoughts are with you.
Jon

((( wisewoman )))

I understand that fear, I use to be up all hours of the night. Triggering badly etc.

What about writting down what the fears are, what you are thinking, why you think you cannot fall asleep etc.

Are you in therapy at all?

If not it definatly would be a good idea, it sounds like your plauged with PTSD symptoms at the moment, and I know personally how that feels like cause I was there not too long ago actually. But i'm finally over that major hill in recovery and it took 8 years to get there. But i'm glad I'm there now.

Do you know what it is that is causing this uncomfortable situation for you?

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

I have a colorful history. There are lots of things bringing me to where I am now. It is too hard to really get into it but old trauma, new trauma, new stress==depression, major spike in ptsd stuff, meds stopped working, physical melt down of sorts, been off from a very demanding job for 8 days now and sleep a lot. Feeling a little stronger physically I think. Dare I hope new meds starting to work? Hope? Well, if I don't feel better then I do right now, I quit. Not sure what I quit but there, I do. Too much for one person to handle is all. Thanks for the kindness.

Never say you are going to quit.

I use to feel the way you are right now, dealing with ptsd and depression, tired of feeling anxiety all the time.

But I over came all of it , after dealing with it for 8 yrs, it took me that long. It takes time to heal and to start your recovery.

Did you ever get help when you first started to suffer from PTSD?

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

I have had the ptsd for a long time. Spent years being unable to articulate my inside stuff. Have been with a therapist for a while who named it and helped me to start talking about it. I also have gone through a lot of recent stressful life events. It has been difficult to keep functioning at the level I need to. So, I am not functioning, off on leave in bed and deciding that I will not be so functional ever. I will set limits and do healthy things for myself. I will have balance in my life. I will feel better.

That is good postive talk, keep doing that on your low points. Life can throw you curve balls, but you just keep hitting them out of the field. Good for you, you are definatly on that road to recovery, you'll be able to get past all this, it takes time. But you will get there. Believe it and you will.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>