keeping objects from trauma

I just really want to get your opinion, well I guess I probably know what to do, but I just don't want to. I still have the clothes that I wore the night I was assaulted, and I still wear them actually. It really is on my mind when I wear them. I tend to think about the assault more, have more flashbacks and those kinds of things. Especially with my shoes that I wore. They actually still have blood on them, that would not wash out. I look at the blood and see it all the time when I wear the shoes. I don't know what to do, I know I should just get rid of them. But why am I keeping them? I really like the stuff, well and they were relatively new too, so I think that has some to do with why it's hard to get rid of them. How important is it that I do?

Jennifer

First I would like to send very, very gentle (hugs) to you.. I am so sorry.....

For me, I bagged everything that night.. everything.. and it went in the dumpster...

I won't keep anything from my past.. that would even come close to the time of trauma.. like from when I was with my my ex-husband.. blankets.. sheets... bed..dishes.. pots.. fans.. anything in my household all replaced..

I just feel.. even if I am not consiously thinking about that time frame... that my sub-consious is.. and that it is harming me...after saying that... I have done therapy to get some peace.. by getting rid of "objects" from my past, I haven't ignored or denied my pain.. I have acknowledged the pain... but choose to move on as best as I can.. day by day..

That is just what works for me...

I think only you can answer those questions because the answers are are your own personal reasons. It might be some sort of sense of disbelief that it even happened. I'm thinking too of war survivors who keep things related to war injuries; I think it's a reminder that they feel lucky to have survived.

Possibly you have a good healthy outlook about the assault and know that the clothes may be a reminder, but they weren't the cause; they just happened to be there.

I think it's only important to get rid of them if that's what you want to do.

Do you have a therapist? I gave things I couldn't throw away to my therapist. Then I didn't have to obsess about them, knowing they were "cared" for however was right and that someone else was "sharing" the situation/feelings.

For me i don't have the things i was wearing at the time. My rapist was my boy friend at the time. I had some of his t-shirts, a jacket, a key to his car, I still have them. I still wear the t-shirts, my fiance knows if i have on one of those shirts it's a day i just need space. I've gone to therapy , and she knows i have the things and as long as it's not hurting me or causing me pain it's ok. The things that hurt me to look at or see. I took them to the beach and set them on fire. I'm sorry that your having trouble with flashbacks they suck.

Thank you all for responding, I think I have decided that I am just going to get rid of those things. I am just putting myself through pain, everytime I wear them, I need to get rid of them because they are only causing me emotional harm. I don't know I think I will just throw them away, especially since my pair of shoes actually has blood on them still. I thought about buying new things to replace them, I thought this may help me feel better about getting rid of them. I really think this may be what I need to do. I just feel as if I am being completely wasteful if I throw them away and I don't think my mother would appreciate that very much, but what I need to remember is it doesn't matter what my mother thinks, I am 21 now and I am an adult and she can give me her opinion but I shouldn't let it completely dominate everything. Well for now I will do a little more thinking on what I am going to do. Thank you all again.

Jennifer

Hello Jennifer. I am sorry that you are struggling at this time. Perhaps if you get rid of the things one at a time (Say 1 item per week), then the trauma you are feeling about giving your items up will be lessened. It is somewhat common for someone going through a tragedy to Not want to give up things just because you feel that you have given up enough already because of the assault. It is sometimes easier to buy things to replace the items you are going to get rid of, just done overspend or go into debt in order to buy new things. There are many consignment shops and used clothing stores that offer new or practically new clothing for low prices. Take care Jennifer. I hope the best for your future. Soidhonia

Hi
I am sorry you are going through such things. Do what you think best. If my daugter was assulted i´d tell her to get rid of the things, I am sure your mother do not think you should keep them because of money issues ...

In the course of my recovery I've explored feelings of self deprivation and feeling unworthy.

In some contexts, hanging onto items because I can get use out of them even though they cause me added trauma feels like self deprivation to me.

I remind myself that I live in an abundant society and I can experience that abundance myself.

With that said I have a piece of jewelry. I plan on having it turned into something new for me. Perhaps you could use those items for art or honor them in a manner that doesn't involve wearing the items.

Hey that's a good idea! I have actually decided to put the items in a bag and give them to someone for safe keeping until I feel I may be ready to wear them again. I am going to give them to the person I talk to who works at the rape and domestic abuse program here where I live. So with her having them I think I will feel better about all of that because they are not thrown away and when I feel ready to be able to wear them again, I can. Well anyway, thanks again and I wish you well.

Jennifer