Triggered at work yesterday

Hi community,

I am a wreck..

I was laid off three times from a job and I keep going back.. My boss told me that he would like me to start showing up 30 minutes later in the morning. He gave three reasons why. In the moment I said that is okay. But it really triggered me as soon as I got into my car to drive home. I had panic and anger... It hurt a lot. I felt mislead, taken advantage of and undervalued as an employee...

Luckily I had a therapy session to go to right after; in the session I was angry and triggered. It helped a bit but I was so hurt. I am struggling to trust my therapist because I was hurt in therapy in the past...

At night I went home and called distress lines across the country, 29 times.... I was up all night in rumination, suicidal ideation and hyper-vigilance. It was horrible. I ranted about how dark humanity is and how I have lost all faith in humanity. I got into a space where I looked at the entire world as scary and dark and wanted nothing to do with it... I am SO triggered even right now.

My therapist told me to listen to my assertive voice inside rather than act passive and allow others to control me... Problem is my assertive voice tells me to quit this job but I have financial issues so I cannot. My boss knows this so he takes opportunities to take advantage of my dependency. It really hurts.

I took a risk and called my therapist to show vulnerability. I think it went okay. I am going to try my best not to flee for fear of being hurt again.

Any suggestions how I can re stabilize?!

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Hi HD7970ghz,
My active voice has told me to quit in the past. It has helped me to decide I will quit but only after I lined up another job. And, I act on that by searching the job boards, learning a new skill, talking to people about new opportunities, and applying for jobs. For me, the actions around searching for a new job opportunity helps make me more able to stick it out with my current job. If my boss does something to trigger me during the day, I remind myself that it is temporary and eventually I will be working somewhere else.

I hope this helps a bit and I hope things are going better for you.

Have you ever studied DBT? Or CBT?
I highly recommend both.

I also strongly endorse learning calming, centering, breathing exercises.
I find them very helpful when feeling triggered or panic.

I hope all goes well with your job.


WC

Thank you both for the responses.

I have indeed done CBT and DBT. Perhaps I will revisit the skills.

So my therapist told me to listen to my assertive voice in our last session... I did it! It was SO hard but I actually listened to my assertive voice and stood up for myself!!

I challenged my boss. I tried to be assertive, not passive nor aggressive. I told him I was feeling angry at him and I didn't want to suppress it anymore. I told him I am a bit upset that I have been laid off three times and that I keep coming back and now he wants to lessen my hours. I asked him to reconsider minimizing my hours; telling him that I almost quit after he broke the news to me. He said don't quit and then he actually listened and he facilitated my wish! I was so surprised and proud of myself.

I worked for a couple days, showing up at 8 AM. I was feeling a bit upset still because I have been working for him for 7 months and I keep coming back whenever he needs me. I decided to call him one afternoon and asked if he would consider giving me a raise. He said yes! Without hesitation! It's one a dollar an hour raise but it was the principle that counts. It made me feel so much better. I struggle with standing up for myself and being assertive. I am so happy he was able to facilitate my wish.

By no means am I extremely happy about my wage, but I am content with the fact that my boss seems to value me, at least in some small way. If he had not have given me a raise or allowed me to work the extra half hour I would have left for sure.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

You've done a nice job advocating for yourself!
Congrats!

WC

Wow such progress

I'm very happy for you